


Unlucky Survivors: Part 2

by Empressing, SonicoSenpai



Series: Blood Reign [2]
Category: Nitro+CHiRAL, Togainu no Chi
Genre: Angst, Bad ending Au, Dictatorships, M/M, Weddings, military end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-06-16 14:56:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15439584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empressing/pseuds/Empressing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonicoSenpai/pseuds/SonicoSenpai
Summary: The second part and probably the longest part is here! I should warn everybody that for the first few chapters Akira's pov is semi unreliable. I'm a bit cringey with the songs, but I mostly do it for on the nose symbolism when I can't be bothered because it's a fucking fanfiction. I love how I didn't describe this section in anyway right here.





	1. Mockery of Love

**Author's Note:**

> I know that Shiki/Akira tag was teasing some of ya'll. Here it is. See? Dreams do come true, haha. And One- Master Master is the song used.

                                          

                                               **Akira**

My engagement hasn’t been nearly as glamorous the media made it to be. Sure, he had told the media some totally fake romantic dinner story. The reality was: Shiki had just got done fucking me when he did it. I was laying in our bed, thinking the black satin was unbearable with the amount I was sweating. My ass hurt like a son of a bitch and Shiki was standing proud in the open window. It had been effortless to fuck me like that; his cum coated my inner thighs, I was repulsive. I was laying on my side and facing away from him, pretending to be asleep. He knew I wasn’t and I was hoping he would continue ignoring me in favor of basking in his own ego.  I felt the bed bounce down on the other side. I tried to ignore him, but he hovered over my ear and said my name,

“Akira, I have something to ask you.” Great, I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder at him, “No, no this won’t do.” He yanked me up and sat me up against the pillows, he barely missed bashing my skull against the headboard “This question requires your full attention.” He took my hand and his grab was tight. “Be my bride?” A wicked smile spread across Shiki’s face and I blushed, out of what, I did not know.

“Yes.” I said making eye contact. What was I going to say? No? I was the lover of the emperor and a wedding ceremony would only cement my power. Shiki grabbed something silver out of his pocket. It was an engagement ring, it was a simple braided band. Shiki shoved it on my finger and I took my hand away with force. He touched my face with his gloved hand,

“You look even better with something to show them all my possession.” Shiki’s eyes misted over before he got on the bed fully and undid his fly, “Now…where were we?”

* * *

 

 One of my generals ran up to me, interrupting my reminiscence. I threw the newspaper I had been holding to the side and looked up at him. He was panting, and his eyes were wide,

“What is it?” I leaned back in my chair, crossing my fingers impatiently.

“Someone just woke up from a coma at the hospital and he tested positive for Nicole!” He was so excited,

“Yeah so? Many units are infected with Nicole.” My soldiers took Line and woke up from overdose comas all the time. This wasn’t news,

“No, this guy was completely unregistered, and he had someone with him who refused to talk!” Akira looked sternly, what was he talking about? The general scrambled and threw a picture on Akira’s desk. I picked up and observed it. What I saw rattled me. There was a man, a brunette who looked foreign, his expression cold and unmoving. In the bed lay a small blond. I had a terrible thought which had to shake off. They looked so familiar. “The camera caught this glimpse of them!” I couldn’t stop staring at the picture, I couldn’t make out the exact details faces of the two guys. “Sir, we need you.”  
“Don’t tell my fiancé.” I commanded,

“Why isn’t he the- “

“You don’t get paid to fucking question me.” I growled. This fucking nitwit, I could almost tell he was Shiki’s pick. Questioning my authority like that. Who the fuck does he think he is? I was pissed off at this picture. How could Shiki have fucking lost track like that? I spited my engagement ring.

“I’m sorry, Ruler Akira!” He flinched. I was called Ruler because I wouldn’t legally be allowed to be called Emperor until Shiki was officially my husband. A day that couldn’t fucking come soon enough it seemed. I wanted to be respected already! Shiki was away right now, thank god. I couldn’t handle it if he threw a fit right now over this situation. That would have been too idiotic. I stood,

“We’re going.” The general said no more as he opened the door for me and closed it. I walked into the red carpeted hallways and the overcast from the tall windows gave them a greenish hue. I walked down the spiraling stairwell, the gold hand rails and red steps never failed to make me feel like royalty. Well, because I am royalty. The main court of my palace had a black marbled floor, red walls and tables of exotic plants next to stained glass windows. Above the two main entrance doors was a portrait of Shiki. I remembered when Shiki changed the layout plans for this place just so he could have that portrait hung there. This place was huge, yet nobody but myself and Shiki were allowed past the 3rd floor. And even on the 3rd floor, people were to walk through a special stairway that led directly to the throne room, which was isolated from the rest of the floor. It became a joke among my underlings ‘the mystery of 3rd floor throne room’ or ‘the castle of leaves’.  My fiancé’s painted eyes watched me leave. There was a giant statue of Shiki and I placed on top of an oversized water foundation.  It depicted us facing each other, him smiling down at me with his sword raised and hand on my chin. I was staring back coldly. The court yard could have truly only been conceived by my fiancé. He had debated on whether to have me in the statue but had told me that he couldn’t have done any of this without me, so I needed be part of the tribute too. That was the closest Shiki ever got to saying that he loves me. The sound of the trickling water and hedges being cared for with sheers filled my ears as I breathed in. Emperor Akira… I liked the sound of that.  I climbed into the sleek, black limousine and was driven to the hospital. The moment I walked into the place everyone stood on guard and saluted me. I dismissed them as the head doctor guided me to my destination: room number 6709.

I stared at the pathetic, dying and sick all around me. This place was dreary. I wanted to go back to my lovely palace. I stopped and stood in front of the patient’s window. The blond in the bed was lanky and sunken in looking. He was bruised, I chuckled,

“That’s the carrier of Nicole?”  
  
“Yes, notice his twisted bed frame. Nicole positive.” I rolled my eyes, snatching the medical report away from him.

“Get out of my sight, I’ll take care of you later.” The doctor’s eyes were fearful, and he nearly ran away. I stared at the sleeping patient. He reminded me of someone…. but he looked wrong. Rin was dead anyways, Shiki had done it long ago. I noticed a shift on the other, more obscured side of the room. Someone dressed in black and dark blue, I got a glimpse of the figure. A man…he looked….no he was dead too. These were just people who looked kinda of like them and I was just being an idiot.  The ones who my mind told me were called Rin and Nano were dead, I had seen their corpses. I rarely remembered the names of Shiki’s victims. But they were different, my mind was telling me their names for whatever reason. Strange. Then, the figure who was partially obscured moved over to the sleeping patient, who’s blue eyes fluttered open at him. I saw their lips moving, I turned on the listening device.  


“Do you see him?” Their voices were quiet, but they were being gentle with each other.

“Yes.”  
“How does it feel to be this close to him again?” Was I going fucking crazy? These two seemed like they were referring to me, but I didn’t know them.

“I feel…” the next word the brunette said was unintelligible. The blond turned his head and grinned at me, I noticed the flecks of purple in his eyes.

“He’s listening.” I began to panic, I was having a psychotic break. I was glad Shiki was away and his policy to turn off the cameras in either his or I’s presence was law. The real kicker was yet to come, however. The brunette made eye contact with me and it sent electricity through my heart. Those glassy blue eyes, that face, a kiss in the garden…oh my god but no, he is dead! I saw him die before my eyes! I couldn’t look and then a soft, ominous line floated from his lips and was like daggers in throat,

“The false Emperor will fall before the one true King.”

“Arrgh!” I was knocked back, grabbing my chest. I felt like I was having a heart attack. My head bashed against the wall and I slide down. My hat went gliding along the concrete and away from me. I closed my eyes, begging for the electricity to head. I felt a thunderstorm in my brain. I don’t know how long I was there before it ended and when I opened my eyes, there were no patients in that room at all. A nurse came walking by, she offered her hands to me and I took them. She then held my hat out while taking a knee and saluted me, begging me for forgiveness not noticing me there. I told her she would be fine, and she rushed away from me. The empty room, the buzz of the lights, all this…fuck I must have had a major break. This stress really was getting to me. I took off my glove to look at my ring and sighed.

* * *

 

 When Shiki came back he did something pretty unexpected, he kissed me in front of the congregation in the main lobby of the palace. I liked it, I must confess, as he’d been gone a week. He almost never kisses me, holds my hand or is ever affectionate to me outside of the bedroom. People said it was an honor to see and bowed in reverence when it happened. They all then left, and he guided me up to the 4th floor. When we got there, he shoved me away and glared,

“What the fuck is wrong with you? What happened in that hospital that left you so breathless?” He growled, and I looked at him,

“I fucking had a stress seizure okay.” I was trying to get him off my back about it.

“Why? Because you’ve been fucking someone else?” His red eyes were full of jealous rage and I had to look away, I was afraid. He was a Nicole carrier after all.  

“No, I’ve been fucking stressed out from the way the media has been treating me because of our engagement. It’s always some shit about love and this that and the other. Ass-kissers annoying the piss out of me.” Shiki was slowly stepping closer, I could hear his breathing,

“Why, you don’t want to marry me?”  he was testing me.

“Yes, I want to marry you!” I yelled as he got in my face and leaned into my face. Our gazes crossed like swords. He was wanting me to break, I wouldn’t. There was an icy silence between use for a few minutes before Shiki smiled and spoke,

“I know you do. You still are the strongest of them all, small fry is now fit to swim alongside the great white.” He grabbed at my clothes and started to tear at them,

“Shiki we can go in the bedroom to- “I said, my panicked gaze looking through window behind us and down at the garden.

“No, right here.” He ripped all my clothes off, flipped me around and pressed my naked body so that I looked down over the maze behind the castle. I let out a breath as I readied for what was about to happen next. Shiki removed his gloves and I heard his pants unzip. I felt two slightly wet fingers inside of me and I squirmed. My face was hot with embarrassment. He was scissoring my insides with his fingers and I turned my face down, hiding it as best I could. I couldn’t look, I didn’t know who was watching. I focused on my disgraced hat on the ground. I then felt his cock slid into me. One hand pinned my wrists against the glass, the other hand was controlling my hips. I felt him start to pound into me with so much force I thought I was going to fucking tear open. I moaned, my eyes squeezed shut as I felt precum drip against the window. Shiki grunted and took his hand off my hip to grab my chin. I watched as the fog from my hot breath appeared and disappeared quickly on the window. Shiki licked my ear and then whispered, “Open your eyes, Akira and see the majesty of our creation. You are mine. My one and only.” I cried out as he bit my earlobe and my eyes opened forcibly. I gazed over the garden maze and out to the distant city. I was horribly humiliated.

 I whimpered as I came, white filling my vision and Shiki must have orgasmed too, because he pulled out. I fell to the floor and felt a tear roll down my right cheek. I breathed hard, my heartbeat in my ears. I just hoped Shiki would go away. He didn’t. He instead picked me up and held me bridal style. I saw the outline I had made with my body against the window panes and gave up even trying right now. I looked him in the eyes weakly and he grinned with fire filling his eyes. My husband-to-be was happy, and my back was paying for it. He carried me all the way up to our room all the top floor. I was pathetic. When he made the way up our room he threw me on the bed. Our room was almost entirely black. An elegant, old gothic royalty style bed with satin black sheets. A chandelier made of diamonds, a walk-in closet with a full body mirror. Two bedside tables both with a red lamp, lube and candles. Shiki didn’t believe in sex toys because he wanted to be ‘the only thing to plug me up’. There was a giant empty space right above the canopy of our bed. It was to be filled with our wedding portrait when we got married. Shiki picked up my left hand and kissed it, my ring shinned by the light of the chandelier.

“I have made no mistakes.” He said confidently. I looked away and he stood as he buzzer rang, his face annoyed, “I’m busy.” He said into the speaking piece, “Really? Fuck.” He whispered and looked at me, “Yeah, yeah, Majesty will be there.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “Well unlucky of us, Akira. Our session is being cut short. See you tomorrow, however.” He strode away and closed the door. This was our marriage room but as of right now, I slept alone. Shiki said he would only sleep beside me once we were wedded. It was weird, but I didn’t mind because it beat my old room by a long shot. I wondered what sleeping next to him would be like.  I got under the covers and held my hand out, fiddling with my ring.

* * *

 

 This store was gaudy, but I was finally getting my wedding uniform. It was white with baroque-inspired silver trimmings, a combination of both Victorian romantic fashion and classic military general uniform. It showed off everything nice about my figure, the tailor was making sure it was all correct. The room was white, and the lights lit up my silver hair. He nodded, telling me I was ready to be emperor with a chuckle. I stared at myself in the mirror while the tailor went to retrieve my accessories. He brought back the beautiful white boots I had picked out and my silver-toned gloves. I put those on as he held out the third thing: my hat. This had was white with a black brim as I remembered, but something was different. It had a piece of mesh with lace trimming now attached to the brim. I made a face and the tailor spoke,

“Ah, Sire, Emperor Shiki wanted you to have a veil.” That fucking asshole. The hat was placed on my head and I was handed a mock version of my bouquet. I looked in the mirror at myself and knew I was ready to get married. The veil was annoying, but I could live with it. I sighed as a thought ran across me…what if this had been Nano instead…. what? I shook my head. No, Nano gave up on me and died, I was going to marry Shiki now, instead. Do I even love Shiki? These thoughts were flooding me. Stupid, stupid! I wanted to get married, I wanted to be the Emperor and I wanted to be with Shiki! The tailor’s voice broke the thoughts and I was grateful. “The Emperor will think you are beautiful.” He was reassuring me, and it didn’t seem forced. The guy seemed like a pervert. I turned,

“Thank you, I love it.” I said but wasn’t convinced.

“You’re welcome, Emperor Akira.” He smiled, “Tell me when, so I may have it cleaned again as soon as possible.” He left the dressing room and I breathed in. I looked great, fit to be Shiki’s husband. I undressed, laying the outfit out for tailor. I put my street uniform back on and left, glaring at the shop intensely. I hated it in there. I looked outside into the busy streets. Usual grey skies, women pushing babies in lovely carriages and lovers were holding hands. Shiki did not care if people were affectionate in public, if the stars of the shows were to be us. My guards stood on either side of me, ready to kill anyone who tried to approach me. I had not announced I was doing wedding errands. I deserved to have some fucking privacy. Even though people saluted me as they walked by, there was not the fear of me like with Shiki. Apparently, of the two rulers, I was the rumored favorite. I was not nearly as cruel as Shiki, so I wasn’t surprised. The landscape was bland, sucked of everything it had to give after the civil war ended. It was all for my fiancé to dominant. I got into the car, next was the décor. Shiki had sent to give the approval on whatever he had picked out.

 When I walked into the shop, they all forced smiles at me. I told them to be at ease. They presented me with an array of flower arrangements. All beautiful, all making me feel sick. I just picked one. They told my choice was great because they had to. I signed off on the other stuff Shiki wanted, he cared more about the setting dressing of our wedding than I did. I picked out my bouquet in silence, the green room was making my breathing hard for some reason. I choose white roses tipped with silver and draped with real pearls. I didn’t want to hold one like a woman, but it was small price to pay to get Shiki to let me be during the wedding. I was growing bored of this and wanted to return to my castle. But I had to go meet with Shiki, so he could show me the other things he had planned.

 I got back in the car and arrived at the hub just outside of town. It was plain and cement, it was a former site for torturing enemies. That was elsewhere now. I walked in and the bright lights alone could have had me going insane. I looked forward and saw Shiki. He looked happy to see me or at least I think he was. I walked to him with grace and he told me I will walk like that when I am given as his bride. I ignored it. Our guards were around us and before me were 3 giant cats in cages: a sullen black panther with bright blue eyes, a vicious snow leopard with very faint spots and only one icy blue eye, finally an aging tiger who was asleep.  
“I want them suspended in the reception from the ceiling for viewing pleasure. I adore this one.” Shiki put his face close to the snow leopard’s cage and it snapped at, he didn’t even blink. “Akira, which one do you like?” Akira noticed the panther batting him with sad eyes through the bars in the cage. He made eye contact with it. “Oh him, yes they say he’s gentle.” I nodded,  
“I like them all.” I felt bad for them, being like this. At least we might enjoy them. I signed on them and so did Shiki. Shiki followed me out to car and back to the castle, telling me there were to be tryouts to perform at our reception there. I dreaded it, I wanted this day to be over already. We into the theatre room under the swirling staircase in the main lobby. It looked ordinary, like something of the past. We didn’t use this room a lot, so I am not surprised at the lack of anything to note. We entered and sat in the middle two chairs in the front. Shiki was quiet for some reason.

None of the people were impressing me so far. Half them couldn’t even sing. Then, two men got on stage which caught my eye. One had dark hair and blue eyes which captivated me, the other was a blond with bright red eyes. The blond was in all black leather, tight black shorts, a long cape and silver bottomed PVC platform boots. He stood proud and ready. The other was in some sort of loose shirt and pants garb with a black cape as well that made him look like a lost European prince. He stood in front of the mic and prepared himself, greeting us. His voice was black, deep and it made me feel good. Then he began, his ‘singing’ voice more like rhythmic spoken word. I still liked it,

“Master master

Tell me why

You and I

Fly so high

Fly so high

 

Master master

What I see

Is oil for me

Charity

Charity

 

Master master

Gimme more

Need some war

Like hundred times before

Gimme more

 

Master master

Take them hard

Kill them hard

Fuck them hard

Fuck them hard

 

Master master

I'm your fan

Democracy

Not good for them

Not good for them”

The dark-haired man’s voice seemed to address the blond with his words. His eyes did not wander off the smaller one. I saw Shiki lean forward, he was enjoying this performance. I understood why, those words were accurate. I had to confess I was impressed someone was able to capture our relationship in words. When the first half of the song was over the lights on the stage went dim on the dark-haired man and the blond stood forward:

  
“Akira, here comes the oil

Akira, I'll bring you oil

I love you

And you love me

I'm a cowboy can't you see

Akira, this is your oil

 

Working so hard for ya, babe

 

Akira, here comes the oil

Akira, I'll bring you oil

I love you

And you love me

I'm a cowboy can't you see

Akira, this is your oil

 

Akira (x6)”

The blond grinned, seemingly only for Shiki and I looked over to see Shiki writing something down. He then spoke with amusement in his voice,

“Yes, yes you will be the ones.” Shiki nodded and looked at me, “My lovely fiancé is quite apathetic, surely his lack of reaction isn’t bothersome.”

“Not a bit, Emperor.” The blond responded, and his voice sounded familiar. I ignored it, I couldn’t be having yet another episode. The performers took their leave, the brunette touching the blonde’s back. I huffed, glad it was over and stood up. Shiki didn’t attempt to stop my exit.

* * *

 


	2. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiki and Akira finally get married. Akira realizes that is losing his mind as well. POV switch halfway through the chapter. Song used: Keaton Henson- To Your Health

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Any interaction Akira describes with Nano, where Rin is totally absent, is a hallucination. Reminder: we are dealing with a semi-unreliable narrator when it comes to Akira. The vows are something I came up with because I'm a part-time amateur poet.

                                                     

                                                                                                           **Rin**

 I was swimming in a lake of darkness, my mind adrift. I was between life and death. I emerged from the water and gazed up at the full moon. The stars twinkling to the sound of distant voices. I was in this lake, waiting to be sent to either heaven or hell.  I watched my limbs wading endlessly, without my control when the skin filled with red and the moon started to bleed all over. My heart started racing a mile a minute and I felt Nano’s hands as I was ripped from my slumber. My eyes opened, and I grabbed the guard rails of the bed, they twisted like nothing in my grip. I felt my whole body go into shock, I was panicking. Nano touched me, I noticed the empty syringe and the blood dripping from Nano’s arm…Oh my god…Nano had injected me with Nicole. I grabbed him, only one word slipped out,

“Why?” the answer I received was not words but an embrace, tight and warm. I was shaking, but hugged him right back nonetheless, a few tears fell on him. He had done it to save me…no malice like when he gave it to Shiki. It was the only blessing he could give me…I started weeping. Oh my god this man, he was so good to me. A man of no emotion had shown me more humanity than anyone else before. I pulled back, pressing our foreheads together, gripping his forearms. “Nano, Nano, Nano….” His very blood was mine now. I was part of him and he acknowledged it. I could never repay him. I looked him in the eyes and gave him the only thing I could, “Forever.” I breathed in sharply, “I will be by your side forever.”

 The first few days of being infected with Nicole were hard. Violent nightmares, Nano would always wake me from, constantly alerting the officials with my heart monitor randomly going wild, getting used to having vast and unlimited strength. I broke some shit unintentionally. A tray of food, a bed frame, a wall. This was intense, but I was up for the challenge. I was a quick learner of the art of fighting and Nano would always stop me if I was losing control. My high was mostly off being connected to Nano. I felt so privileged. There were little voices telling my life was about to finally change…

That was until the day Akira came.

 I knew the news of Nano and I would get up to him and Shiki. I was expecting Shiki, but Akira appeared alone. I almost didn’t recognize him; his essence was totally gone. That passionate, borderline stupid, hidden sweetheart man I’d met all that time ago…he was gone. Harsh and cruel, he made the nurse scamper away like a wounded dog. He stared at me, I pretended to be asleep. I snuck a glance at him as he tried to see Nano. Nano stood and came over to me, putting his head close to mine. I nuzzled him, trying to gain some insight into what he was thinking. I was so affectionate with him. I turned it up to see if it would light a fire in Akira. It did, kind of. I watched him press the button to listen in. I spoke to Nano softly and kindly.  I chose my words carefully, I wanted to see what exactly has happened to Akira,

“How does it feel to be this close to him?” I said to Nano, who was now laying his head next to mine,

“I feel…hurt.”  Akira had looked through Nano and had acted like he didn’t even know who he was. I saw the sadness in Nano’s eyes, whatever he was feeling, it was so deep that he couldn’t suppress it readily. It was…unfiltered heartbreak. I wanted to do something for him, I felt helpless. Akira glared at us and his eyes were filled with nothing, not a pulse of emotion for Nano. The guy he had spent 3 days with in a room with, the guy he had chased down, the guy who saved his fucking life, the guy he kissed…not a thing for him. I could feel my own heart break for my beloved friend. Nano and I both turned as we saw Akira collapse on the ground. When I got up and approached the window…he was out cold. This was Nano and I’s chance. We gather our things in the backpacks they had gave us, I dressed in some black turtle neck and pants they’d given me as clothes. We exited the room and into the hallway. I reached into Akira’s pocket and pulled out his pass card, taking it for myself. It was a hard-plastic card that had a picture of Akira, his name, rank and pin. I was trying to be quick and fast, but Nano wouldn’t allow it. He really wanted to touch Akira. This would be his only chance for a while to get close to him, he seized it. He bent down slowly and touched Akira’s face, even in his grief, Nano still touched Akira like they were lovers.  He stroked Akira’s face and got close to it. He touched noses with him. He ungloved Akira’s left hand and kissed it, re-gloving it right after. He then got on his knees and hugged Akira, putting his face in his neck. I felt myself readying to cry again. I couldn’t afford to lose my cool right now. I lightly put my hand on Nano’s shoulder, my voice barely audible,

“I know you love him…but we have to go, Nano.” I called out to voices in his head. He didn’t want to accept the Akira he had loved was dead and Shiki had killed him. His eyes flooded with purple sorrow, I would surely be sleeping in his bed tonight. He slowly pulled away, his hands dragging up Akira’s body and only coming off at his face. I snatched my medical record off the floor and went out into the lobby where I told the woman that Emperor Akira had given us permission to leave. We did and once we were out in the street, I turned to Nano, “I miss him too and I hope that good guy we knew is deep down inside. I don’t believe for a second he stopped loving you for Shiki.” I looked him in eyes, so he knew I meant it. He didn’t have to believe me, but I felt something. Akira had hated Shiki before to the point of clinging to Nano just escape him. I did not believe he really loved Shiki, whatever he was feeling…likely just a delusion brought on by great power and willful memory suppression, so he could live with himself. I looked around. Barren, concrete buildings with drapes baring the mark of the regimen. People were dressed plainly and drably, almost like the way Nano had looked when I met him, just in black and green. Shiki and Akira’s portraits were occasionally seen by us. Everything looked the same here. Shiki had done what any good dictator does to maintain: completely rob everything of hope and identity.

We found our way to the underbelly of town, where there several underground bunks in giant labyrinths under the city. We found a vacant one and a soulless soldier, clearly on Line, gave us the keys. There wasn’t any rent because all the money came from the ‘upside’. In fact, this soldier, was the only one in the whole system. This was merely to keep it accounted for, but Shiki didn’t give half a fuck about it.  Shiki knew he didn’t have to worry about an uprising, he wasn’t an idiot when it came to keeping people apathic to his tyranny. My brother was the true master of fear. The bunks still had running water (small showers included) and food rations in them. We found our way through a few turns to ours. It was decent sized with bunk beds, a small side space for whatever the fuck and two boxes of Solids in the corner. It felt closer to a spacious prison cell than a living space, but with Nano by my side, I could take anything.

* * *

 

I tried out for Shiki and Akira’s wedding with Nano. I’d wrote the song with deep sarcasm. I knew nobody singing a love song would win. They didn’t know their emperor like I do. I had Nano do the spoken word, when I gave him his part of the song he’d told me he thought it might be funny if he could laugh. I took that as it was. Seeing my brother again was weird, Akira, even weirder. He didn’t seem to get the joke. Shiki found the humor elsewhere. I didn’t need to be around them to get a picture of what their relationship would be like. It’s not like Shiki never fucked anyone and if he did tell anyone he’s a virgin, why, he’s just fucking with them. When I stood up there I understood my height, I was no longer that dainty girly looking thing I had been. I was still good lucking but unfortunately, I was now good looking in the same way Shiki is. Nano told me to not make the comparison.

We walked off the stage and the moment we did Nano put his head on my shoulder. He’d been great at faking that joy while addressing me as ‘master’ in mock Shiki outfit. I know every time he saw Akira it felt like the world was splitting open. Neither of us paid Shiki mind, he would be taken care of when the time came. We both knew Shiki would have to be killed. He was only one of many factors we had to consider, the focus was Akira. I had to ignore my brother’s tacky as fuck fake plants and portraits of himself as we left. We were escorted by a guard into the court yard, where we were assaulted by that hideous statue of Shiki and Akira. A 3rd official wearing western-religion inspired clergy clothing, who introduced himself as the head minister, came outside. He handed us both wedding invitations addressed to ‘entertainment’. They were in black paper sealed with a bloody red wax stamp that bared the emblem of the regime. I turned and started to walk away but Nano dithered when he was told to leave.

“I know it’s beautiful, you’ll get to see more of it when you come to the wedding.” The guard prodded him with the handle of a sword. I touched his arm as we were nearly thrown out the garden gates. They slammed behind us with a hellish squeak, the lock sounded like rocks being bashed together. I looked out over the landscape, which was even bleaker from afar. Shrubbery wove their seeking vines into the cobblestone of the winding round that led to the palace. The tall hedges connected to the gate that concealed everything, short of what the entrance gate allowed, seemed to die before me. They knew love did not exist here. This was a marriage of ultimate possession. A disgrace to love. I could feel the Nicole pumping through my veins as my hatred seized me. That was one of the side effects of Nicole for me: wild mood swings. Nano had told me everybody reacts differently to being infected with the super virus, the only consistent thing about it was the inhuman strength. I swallowed in the grey-toned city like a pill of made of clay as we walked home in silence.

* * *

 

We were on stage in the tiny hole in the wall bar l always performed at. Sometimes I had Nano, sometimes I didn’t. The wedding was inching closer, next week it was. I had Nano tonight because I had brought out a singing voice that was so faint and full of sorrow that it pulled me apart. I wanted the whole world to hear it. He was backed by slow and stripped-down sound. This bar made me feel semi-normal. The brick walls, the loose light bulbs, our tiny wooden stage, the marked up round tables, the old wobbly stool, and how quiet it was. It comforted it me, Nano’s figure was not hidden in the form-fitting plain black clothes I’d given him. I also trimmed his hair with an old pair of scissors I had to sharpen.  I sat crossed legged atop a stool behind him. I had helped him write lyrics, his poems were beautiful though. I was admiring him. He was unfocused, he wasn’t worried about the bar patrons, he was thinking of Akira. The man behind us gently strummed a guitar, waiting for Nano to do something. I looked as I heard the bell door chime.  Akira. Expect…he was in street clothes and the bar guy didn’t even seem to really notice him. At first, I thought I was losing my mind because of the monotony of the days, but then Nano started singing and I leaned towards him. Once he was singing, I didn’t care if I was seeing things or not.

“Make mine a pain in the neck

Here's to you, you old wreck

And mine is a thorn in the side

Drink up, so we can both finally die.”

 Nano was really slow with the words, but Akira (or at least what I believed to be Akira) was listening. Why? He looked upon us with not an ounce of contempt, he instead seemed confused and sad. The guy holding the guitar and I gently hummed behind Nano’s vocals. As the song continued, Akira seemed to draw closer to the stage. Nano’s sad voice seemed to echo through me. From what I could gather the lyrics were a splice of his memories of Emma and the current situation with Akira. Nano had loved that woman deeply, more deeply than she could have ever known. But he loved Akira more. To the point of willing to deal with all this just to snatch him away again.

The song ended, and I waited for my Akira hallucination to vanish. I was shocked to find myself perfectly sane when Akira didn’t go away. Nano looked right down at him, I watched intensively. Nano slowly lowered to his knees and offered his hand. Akira’s wide eyes, his ordinary clothes…he almost looked like himself again. Akira slowly made contact with Nano and the whole room seemed devoid of air.  Akira squeezed his eyes shut and I couldn’t look away. The moment they touched Akira seemed ready to cry and his words trembled,

“Oh my god you even feel like him…” he choked out and pulled away suddenly, loudly announcing he would personally execute anyone who spoke of this before almost running out of the bar. I had to remember Akira was convinced we were dead.  I looked to Nano who was exiting left stage, I felt reality being suspended and suddenly the bar was closing.

* * *

 

                                                                                                              **Akira**

It is my wedding day and yet here I am, hiding from everyone, debating on whether or not to kill myself. I was on the top floor of the palace, staring up at the clouds and leaning out a window. From this high up, would even a grassy lawn kill me? Nano was dead, and I’d love him, I’d never told him. Right now, I was about to do something to mock his spirit. I was sure Shiki was pissed, we were supposed to being having royal breakfast right now. I was so convinced I wanted to get married, that this was to be the right thing. I heard loud and hard footsteps a few floors below. I moved farther away from the entrance door. He was probably like a mad dog hunting me right now. I resisted the urge to chuck my wedding ring into the oblivions of this palace. Was this my version of cold feet? I wanted to literally fucking kill myself because Nano’s ghost was haunting me. I shrunk into a corner and remained silent as I heard the hinges to the entrance door squeak as Shiki opened it. His footsteps were getting closer, I would soon have to face my fears,

“Akira, where the fuck are you? Is this how you want to start off our marriage? Fucking sitting up sulking in whatever the fuck while your expensive breakfast gets cold? You’re my fucking fiancé and co-Emperor last time I fucking checked!” His tone was so angry. He was seething, I stayed still. Then the shit finally hit the fan when he found me and dragged me out, whipping my body around to slam me against the opposing wall. “Hiding from me. Huh? Why? You were the one who was fucking jumping out of your skin to marry me and now this bullshit?!” He yelled in my face and his eyes were like flames inches away from burning me, “The only reason I’m even giving you this much fucking leeway right now is because you need to fucking look beautiful for the portrait.”

“I’m sorry okay...” I said softly, it was just so he knew I wasn’t totally to the wind. He looked at me and suddenly pulled way. I was relieved, and I bowed my head down to show submission. “I’m sorry, Shiki, please I really want to be your husband.” I didn’t mean it, that is why I had to avoid eye contact with him. I heard Shiki take a deep breath and then start speaking again, low and frustrated, but not threatening,

“Nothing will happen because this is our wedding day. But I swear to fucking god if you do this shit during the crowning in two weeks I’ll have you fucking strung up nude in front of this palace. You fucking understand?” I nodded, “Be fucking snappy before I change my mind.” He walked away, and I let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding the moment I heard the door slam shut.  I pressed myself against the smooth, cold stones and they felt more like lover’s touch than Shiki’s. I looked to the breeze coming from the window and I thought of seeing that man who looked like Nano motivated; the thought motivated me to get up.

* * *

 

I was in my wedding uniform in a beauty chair as a light-up mirror made sure no imperfection I have was concealed by shadows. The makeup woman was so stern, but I told her I only wanted powder. She was grumbling about ‘Emperor’s orders’ to which I informed her if she didn’t obey me I would have her job title revoked. She was quietly fiddling with me until I told her I was ready for my hat. She was annoying me so much I told her to just leave it here and dismissed her.  It was on a red velvet cushion. It hadn’t yet fully sunk in the reality of what I was about to do. I thought of Nano and suddenly I found myself begging for forgiveness. The room was empty, but I spoke quietly,

“Please, if there is an afterlife and you can see me. Forgive me, I want nothing more than for you to forgive me… I’m no better than Emma…surely you will keep both of souls at the gates of death.” I thought I heard soft footsteps, which sounded just like Nano’s, but I let it happen. These delusions were just part of me now. I deserved no better, I had violated love’s most sacred principles, and this was my punishment. I was suddenly grateful for the veil on the brim on my hat, it would conceal my displeasure and suicidal feelings. I gazed up at the clock and then at myself in the mirror. I stood, placing the hat on my head. I noticed the door was ajar where that makeup artist was careless. I thought of running out, a tear fell down my face and I inhaled deeply. I needed to keep my cool, now was not the time for a crisis. I wondered where that Nano look alike performer was at. I wanted to tell him something. But it was almost time to get married, I grabbed my bouquet. I traveled out of the palace, getting into the car waiting for me. There was a silence over the whole landscape, everybody was waiting for the kiss of death that would be my vows. There was an eagerness for me, a false hope for my happiness. I thought of jumping out of that car and letting my chest be crushed under the wheels as we drove to the church Shiki had restored. I hadn’t thought much of the location of my wedding until it was too late to do anything about it. It was that church Nano had told I the answer to that riddle: ‘ _What do you gain more of whenever you give it to others? The answer is happiness.’_ At the time, I dismissed Nano’s words, but now I understood.  Oh Nano, how’d I’d simplified you and underestimated myself. I looked at my vows. They seemed deeply moving and ambiguous, that was because they were for someone else. When I wrote them, I’d entertained Nano’s ghost in order for the words to make sense. I was losing my mind.

The car stopped at the red carpet leading to the grand doors of the church. I exited the car, clutching my flowers like a life jacket. Time seemed to move slower as the doors open, and I saw Shiki standing at the altar. The walk there should have been longer, but it wasn’t and the people standing for me only made the distance shorter. The music was gut-wrenchingly bad to me, it was like listening to someone moan their last words before death or insanity took over. The flowers perched on the end of each row of pews, the velvet red carpet, the grumpy priest, the cross that seemed dull, the stained glass that would never glimmer for me again…I saw ‘Nano’ and ‘Rin’ out of the corner of my right eye. The 3 steps up to the alter felt steep like mountains. A bishop offered his hand out and placed the flowers in them instead of a grabbing it for support. When I held Shiki’s hands I’d never been so grateful for the invention of gloves. Shiki’s face was happy, he must have said some vows, but my mind was too cloudy to pay attention.  The priest informed me it was my term and I said the word:  
 “When I look at you I see all that was and all that will be

Every mistake passes by me and I accept my part

But I ask for your forgiveness in every way

For eternity I ask for your mercy and remembrance

Of all the ways you shaped me and this world I live in

Of my decisions and everything that led us here

Forever is not enough if I were to be with you.” I bowed my head and crinkled the paper, throwing it to the side. I saw ‘Nano’s’ face drop and then ‘Rin’ held ‘Nano’s’ head to his. The emotion I felt was an urge to help them and the memory of Rin screaming at me as he ran away was invasive. I had liked him too, though his memory was not nearly as horrible on my decaying mind. There was a quick wrap up and then Shiki lifted my veil. For the first time, he kissed me with passion and for the first time, I couldn’t give it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reception will be the next chapter.


	3. Wedding Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've all been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not totally happy with this chapter, but this what you get sometimes.

                                                          

                                                                                                                     **Akira**

  Shiki nearly shoved me in the car once we were out of the chapel and I was grateful nobody noticed it. He held my hand with an iron-tight Nicole virus grip the whole car ride to the venue. When I entered the venue, I was greeted with sights of infernal tackiness: a giant ice sculpture depicting Shiki and I in the center of the room, the 3 giant cats suspended in cages in various corners, the stage on the far left plated in gold, the royal table with red and deep green décor, and the other tables with plain white clothes. God I fucking hated it all. This wasn’t a tribute to anything other than Shiki’s lack of taste. He had had looked better with blood dripping down his II RE clothes. To refer to him as II RE feels like a callback to a time that feels unreal to me. It has been nearly a year since the Toshima incident and it feels like a lifetime has passed. I was led by my new husband to the royal table. I wasn’t hungry. This day was not anything like I imagined it. I was supposed to be reveling in my newfound power but instead my eyes were on a desperate hunt for the Nano and Rin look-alikes. I wanted to say something to the Nano look alike but didn’t know what yet.

 I was to sit across from Shiki way on the other end of the long royal table. I am thankful my new husband is unaffectionate. I didn’t want to sit through a painful flirting session, I already knew my honeymoon would be ripped right from hell with my current mental state. I was sure I had read the guest list but couldn’t recognize anyone by their face alone. There was a chair on my right, the shadowy hallucination of Nano’s forgotten soul flickered in and out of the empty seat.  He didn’t seem to care about a thing but looking at me. I didn’t bother to make note of what I am eating because if I did I might not have eaten. I wondered how well I was faking this. Shiki is grinning from ear to ear and the reflection of his red eyes are bouncing off the silver dine ware. He is totally entranced by me, he had told me once before that my beauty was much more than physical. Yet, I knew, he did not love me like a lover should. He loved me like one loves an expensive necklace or an antique sword, I was merely something that made him feel powerful and was good to look at. I was the Emperor’s favorite possession. With Nano I hadn’t felt that way at all, that man had kissed my hands and told me secrets of a world unknown.

The dinner was over before I could care to count the minutes. I strung together my memories from the rehearsal as to what was supposed to happen next. Ah yes, Shiki accepted his gifts then I accept mine. I stood, and Shiki grabbed me by my waist and said some shit about me looking good it didn’t manage to find it’s way in one piece through the fog of my mind. To me, everybody’s face that I could see looked horrid. Each one of their forced smiles and sets of empty eyes were mocking me. I wanted to rip the jewels off all the women and force all the men to be naked for the taking like I was. I wanted the room to be filled with the poisoned blood of my husband. I stood silently behind Shiki and finally I could let some of my displeasure be shown. I didn’t give a fuck what I might receive as I gift, I was throwing it out. These people were pathetic ants, I hated every last one of them. Once it was over, I made my displeasure further known by making a scene of putting everything in a container to be thrown out. My subjects did not comment on this and Shiki had already managed to forget about me. He wandered off and I took the chance to get backstage. The wooden steps creaked, and I must have made the whole curtain system wobble as I climbed back there. I no longer cared. Fortunately for me, the dimly lit backstage was damn near empty with the exception of the Nano and Rin look alikes.

 As I edged to them they turned to me and suddenly my bout of anger was stopped. I made eye contact with the Nano look alike and for a moment the whole world melted. For a split second I was back in that green house and looking at Nano with wonder. The Rin look alike broke the spell,

“Emperor Akira, hello!” He stood and bowed, ‘Nano’ held back but ‘Rin’ was chipper,

“I…” Suddenly I was at a loss for words, he really sounded like Rin, but I didn’t remember Rin being taller than me or having red eyes.

“Emperor Akira, we have something for you. It is not as exquisite as some of your other gifts, but I worked hard for it.” The Rin look alike pulled something out of his short pockets and handed me a piece of folded paper. When I unfolded it my heart stopped, there was Nano standing alive and well with the ocean behind him. “Lovely, right?” a smile came from the Rin. I was trembling,

“Where the fuck did you get this?” I demanded,

“Oh? He lets me take them.” He gestured to ‘Nano’, I was really fucking losing my mind. I was waiting for that picture to turn to dust in my hands, but it did not.

“Who are you?!” I barked and with a serene calm ‘Rin’ held up a piece of torn paper between his middle and index finger on his right hand,

“Say, Akira, did you read my whole blood report? It says something interesting…oh yes your husband is half me…though that couldn’t be…I’m suppose to be dead, right?” I grabbed my chest because my heart felt as though it was pounding to get out my ribcage. Holy shit, holy shit…this wasn’t happening! Abruptly I felt like I wanted my husband. I stuck the picture in my pants pocket and glared at the Rin look alike,

“Stop fucking with me, you’re dead!” I commanded, my hallucinations were only getting worse as the night went on. I was sure the wine I drank with my dinner was only fueling this madness farther. This wasn’t happening, _they are dead._ I was probably doing this in front of two innocent performers who were feeling distressed and helpless by their Emperor. I looked to the ‘Nano’ who was still as empty eyed as before and I marched over to him. I heard a chuckle from ‘Rin’ and I grabbed ‘Nano’ by the shoulders, “I’m so fucking sorry, okay!!!” I cried out and ‘Nano’ gently touched my distressed face, giving me a caress on the cheek. It felt so real…that’s when Shiki’s voice broke,

“Akira, what the fuck are you doing? Get out here!” I jerked back from ‘Nano’, suddenly feeling slight joy at hearing my husband’s voice. He centered me back into reality and I wanted his scolding so very much. I stooped out of there to a mildly upset Shiki. “What is going on?”  
“I was just reviewing them before they start their performance.” I said to him, calm and collected. I gazed into those frozen orbs of blood he called eyes and he looked back. He then took me by surprise by grabbing my face with his hands and I had a flashback. For a moment I was standing in the rain in my pedestrian clothes, Igura carnage around me…then I meet Shiki with defiance as he grabs my face and I try to push him away. Where did that go? I’m a shell of my former self, what happened to that version of me…? I am charged back into reality by Shiki’s lips brushing up against mine.

“Akira, no more leaving my side tonight.” He said softly but I was deeply unsettled by what that meant. He was having a good time, I was happy for him. I wish I could feel nothing on the matter like he did. He seized me by my waist and had me sit beside him. This time I was in an easy access position for him to touch me freely. As the performance of the Rin and Nano look-alikes was starting, Shiki had no shame in touching the inside of my thigh. He spoke to me quietly below the sounds of the people and the music, “Those two are fine, but I wish to possess you soon.” What time was it? Oh fuck, had the sun already set? I knew this was supposed to be an all-night party for the guests, but I knew that would not be the case for me. I could only avoid sex with Shiki for so long. No, this was the wrong attitude, he would be doing me a favor. Right now, I was craving release from this cell of a mind and he would grant me that. I realized that couldn’t come soon enough when I looked up at the stage.

‘Rin’ was doing something to ‘Nano’ on stage, he turned to me, put his finger in his eye and pulled out the red contact. He then winked with the eye that still had a contact in it. His bright blue eye felt like a bolt of lightning. Holy fuck I couldn’t be losing it this much, he had to be Rin…but it couldn’t be! Rin was dead! I looked to Shiki who was making a face of immense disapproval. I wondered what he was thinking, furthermore I wondered what the Nano look alike was thinking as he tugged on ‘Rin’. What was happening? Nobody seemed bothered but us 4. Shiki and I made eye contact, he was as unreadable as ever, but I could tell from his posture his patience was running thin.

“I think this is enough of this, Akira, let us set to the pleasure chamber.” I was so fucked, this was a damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I decided to do, the last thing I needed right now was a pissed off Shiki. I stood, and silently followed him out of the room, I was escorted to a car that drove us to our second palace on a remote hill. This building was smaller, and its location was known to few. The person who was here was mainly myself when Shiki would be away for long periods of time. I stepped out into the cool air overlooking the sea. The stars seemed to turn their light away from me and the splash of the waves below seemed more hostile. The night was getting blacker by the minute and each step I took everything seemed to shrink away from me. With Nano it had been the opposite, everything seemed to beg for his attention. I glanced over at the phantom shadow of Nano and apologized wordlessly for what was about to happen. The cobblestones felt like agony underneath my stricken feet, these boots were definitely only for looks. I was totally stiff, Shiki was the horse and I the wagon.

 We entered this smaller palace, which had only 3 stories. It had an old mid-century European feel to it. Shiki wasn’t one to restrict himself to Japanese aesthetics. It was made of grey and black stones. There sparsely put chapel-style windows and red carpets rolled out to make paths across the cement flooring. A spiral stair case that made of dark mahogany and engraved black ivory rails. There were no faux plants or paintings here, only candle arrangements and vintage weaponry were the décor. It was barren, and I had to confess I loved it. It had a darkness about it that rang much truer to who I am that any gold-plated nonsense did. I followed Shiki up the stairs to the top floor where our footsteps were the only exchange between us as headed towards the double doors at the end of the hallway. The moonlight was my comfort and I had to say goodbye too soon as we entered the windowless chamber. Here, I would be destroyed again and again.

As I shed my clothes, Shiki lights up incents of vanilla and red current. The light from the small, dim chandler above me refracts off my bare skin. I see Nano’s ghostly, semi-transparent form to sit on the other side of the bed. There is a canopy over this bed, but Nano’s form is unaffected. Shiki is staring, happy, endlessly pleased with my vulnerable nudity. I am focused on Nano, I think _‘Why do you want to watch?’_  then Rin appears in front of Nano and he silently turns to him. Rin has a giant bloody gash and a corpse-like appearance, his sunken in eyes look into mine as I am pinned to the bed. I noticed Nano’s blood seeping from a wound in between his ribs, it pools and seemingly stains the sheets. Rin begins to speak to me, _“I didn’t have to die, Akira, I didn’t need your love to be happy, really.”_ He slowly walks over as Shiki begins to pound into me, but I can’t feel a thing. Rin speaks to me as he trails blood behind him, _“What do you have to say for yourself? All that talk and yet…_ ” He swipes Shiki’s face and his hand disappears like smoke before coming back again. He tears up, _“Why? Nano told me that you loved him! You gave our lives for this piece of shit!”_ He begins to weep, and he reappears by Nano, who allows himself to be used as support. I feel myself beginning to cum and I moan when it happens. Shiki pulls away from me and I crawl on the bed, attempting to reach both but my fingers fall through. My legs feel weak as I sprawl on the bed, I whisper so quietly,

“I am sorry…” It was not enough and would never be enough. I wanted nothing more than to join them, Shiki was giving me a incredulous look. The fog in my mind was cleared by the sound of his voice,

“Did you see that singer?” My heart began to race,

“Yes, what about him?” My voice was the only thing collected about me. Shiki removed his first layer of clothing including his gloves,

“He was good, though I could have done without that drab second half of his.” Those singers were a couple? I don’t know why I was surprised, the Emperor was in a homosexual relationship with me. I suppose there were other male couples in the world besides us, “What did you think?”

“They were alright, though a little racy.” By ‘racy’ I meant fuel for my decaying mind.

“Yes, if I hire them again for the crowning I will make sure to tell that blond one to keep his urges for his partner to the private sector.” What exactly happened on that stage? I dare not ask Shiki, he would have a fit if I even as so much as hinted I was only half on earth anymore. I turned to Nano and Rin, I had a chuckle thinking of those two as a couple. No way, Rin had a very specific type and Nano wasn’t it. Shiki turned to me with a smirk on his face, ‘’Are you enjoying yourself?”   


“Yes.” He mounts me once more as Rin watches on in horror.

* * *

 

                                                                                                                    **Rin**

Once I saw them stir, it was my signal to get Nano and out of there. We had to follow Shiki and Akira, I had to know where they were going. I grabbed Nano’s hand and our duffle bag I had tucked behind the stage curtain. As I left I pressed play on the generic playlist I had sent up, these people were too drunk and didn’t care about us to begin with. I crept out behind Shiki’s guard, the bass and the drunken yelling covered me. Once I heard the car start I snuck further as the guards came back inside. Nano and I slipped out as the doors swung open. We looked around, determined all the guards were off getting drunk and started to run after the car. Our footsteps hit the ground hard, but we went unnoticed by anyone. Nobody in the car saw because nobody was looking. It seemed like we ran forever and ever through the chilly night. The Nicole virus made it so I did not feel exhaustion until after we reach where the car began to slow. Then our running stopped, and we got behind a rock. I looked down to see our hands were like iron clasps around each other. We looked up to see a small, square castle made of bleak grey stone placed upon a cliff overlooking the sea. It held none of the ordainments of the main palace, really it looked more like a large royal fortress than a royal home. I guessed this was their secret, it wasn’t given the same treatment as the other palace. This was because they didn’t wanted people to think it was anything more than another abandoned building being used a makeshift nautical defense base. Nano lightly pulled at me as Akira exited the car. I shook my head. We still had to wait.

As the car drove past us we ducked down as low as we could. Once we heard the distant speeding away sounds we made our way up to the stony building. I was careful to hold onto Nano. I needed him right now, I was afraid, tomorrow we would have the moment of truth. Tomorrow, when Shiki got bored and left Akira in this place to his own devices, we would invade. We climbed the hill and looked for a place to lay down our weary bones. I found a small pocket on the side of the mountain, I had to free myself of Nano’s needy grasp in order to climb down to it. I did it quicker than ever before, being infected with Nicole sometimes really did make my life easier.  Nano followed me and we both unrolled the blankets from the duffle bags. I popped out the contacts I was wearing and threw them in a disposal bag. We laid down and Nano allowed me to nest on him in leu of a pillow. I spoke to him a little,

“You were and are still his only love, you know, that right?” I was speaking to someone who was not in the mood to give me a reply, “I know watching that wedding was hard and him acting crazy was even harder, but trust me…he doesn’t love Shiki, he loves you.” Nano touched my nose, a gesture he did when he wished for me to stop talking. I did as he wished.

The morning found me gagging on minty mouth wash and Nano ignoring the offensive light coming into our cubby. I changed out of my performance clothes and into the usual street wear of the regime. I look over the raging water below us, my fists deep in the soil and sand mix that makes up the side of this cliff. Suddenly I feel cowardly, like I could jump. I grin cynically, I don’t have the balls to end my own life. And besides, I can’t leave Nano by himself. It wasn’t fair, he infected me with Nicole specifically so it would be harder for me to die. He did all these things with me, referring to me as ‘dear friend’ in his thought notes that he leaves in random places. I think of the things he has said to me or about me in these notes, _‘For my life, I don’t understand your ability to stand the weight of me, dear friend.’_  Or a personal favorite of mine, _‘I liked it when you held that piece of paper, dear friend.’_  I didn’t understand what that meant, and I have never asked. It made me laugh when I found it, it was so absurd and so _Nano._ I inhaled the scent of the salty, polluted water below. I felt Nano’s touch on my back and then he spoke,

“Why do you shake?” I was shaking?  I got up off my hands and knees to look Nano in the eyes, he spoke again, “There is no need to shake, you have nothing to be afraid of anymore.” Every so often Nano did things like this, it was his way of caring for me. I looked at the sun pushing through his fading hair dye, it was revealing the golden-brown underneath. I wondered how today was going to go, I imagined Akira’s stupefied face when he saw us alive. I was sure if yesterday’s outburst was anything to go by, Akira would fucking lose it. I was both dreading and anxiously awaiting it.

 I peeked up from our cubby and jerked Nano back with me when I saw my brother looking out over the ocean. He was soaking in his own narcissism to the point where we weren’t noticed. Nano and I pressed up against the back contour of the cubby. We heard Shiki’s breathing and some incoherent mumbling. I keep referring to these thoughts as thoughts ‘we’ were having but really, I have no way of understanding the maze of Nano’s mind. I hear Shiki’s footsteps and I wait until they grow faint to scale the cliff side for viewing. I hold tight as my eyes peer over, my feet tight in the grooves I have chosen for balance. Shiki is pacing, deciding what to do next, then Akira’s figure appears in one of the 3rd story windows. I am too far away to make out the details, but he looks mostly nude, I was glad Nano couldn’t see this. The car from last night drives up and Shiki speaks to the chauffer. I can’t hear exactly what he said, but it was going to buy me at least a few hours because Shiki then got in the car and it drove off. I glanced down at Nano and nodded, gesturing my hand up. We both climbed up the cliff side and my heart was pounding as we got closer. I realized Akira’s gaze was fixed upon us, he looked panicked.

 I wasn’t moving fast enough for Nano’s liking and he sped in front of me, even though the door was heavy he opened like he was pushing a piece of paper. I had to dash after him. He was getting excited. I looked around, just as I assumed, no cameras in this place. I loved the holes in my brother’s logic, it made things so convenient sometimes. I took in the surroundings for a moment as Nano was quick to reach the stairs. But when I didn’t follow he came back to me. His eyes were flicking on and off purple, he touched my arm. He was…timid? Very weird to see from someone who was always so sure of himself and his abilities. I understood him, the sight-seeing could wait until a time when matters weren’t so pressing. I gave him a calm, reassuring look and we ascended to the 3rd floor. Nano eased open the door, he was always so soft around Akira. There at the end of the hallway, I saw Akira watching us carefully. He seemed to look back behind him and towards us repeatedly as we approached…

* * *

 

                                                                                                                    **Akira**

I really was losing it! I was totally frozen with fear; the Nano and Rin look alikes were here! But why? As they entered my hallway I looked at back the apparitions that had watched my body be disgraced all night. They seemed to not move, they seemed just as shocked as me. After all, they were just part of my own mind. But these two…why were they here? What did they want from me? I had seen the blond one watch as Shiki left, they wanted nothing to do with him. I turned as I heard the door softly open. The Nano look alike was staring straight at me, the figures were disappearing as the look alikes drifted closer. I mouthed to their fading forms, _‘You’re supposed to be dead, right?’_ I felt helpless as they stopped only a few feet from me. They were so close, I scrambled for words,   
“What do you want?” I didn’t even ask how they found this place, I really didn’t care. Nothing about Shiki and I’s relationship was sacred. The blond one didn’t have his red contacts in anymore, his blue eyes crept all over my half-naked form. I was a piece of raw flesh before them, they were in control of this. ‘Rin’ spoke in a tone that was oh so familiar,

“You’re not crazy, Shiki is a bigger failure than you realized.” I shook my head and considered tossing myself out the window. I turned a braced myself against the seal, “Akira, Nano isn’t going to let you end your own life.”

“Shut up! I don’t know who the fuck you two think you are or how you know his name but leave me the fuck alone!” I burst out emotionally and Rin barks back,

“We’re Nano and Rin, Akira! We’re alive! Look at Nano, Akira!” I was trembling as every memory of that name flashed before me. I felt everything flood me and I flipped myself around as Rin spoke once more, “He’s been wanting to see you so bad. He pulled me this whole way here.” I looked Nano in the eyes and my heart felt it wanted to believe. I let go of reality as I stepped forward towards the person Rin was telling me was Nano. I reached out and he held out his hand. I was like a small child as I slowly made contact with him. His electricity ran through me. It had to be him…I looked him the eyes and Rin looked just as nervous as me. Nano didn’t vanish, he didn’t turn to smoke like he did in my dreams. I suddenly jumped on him and I felt his arms around me as he caught my body, his arms strong around my waist. My voice broke,

“I missed you.”  


	4. Secret Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin is an asshole and Nano loves Akira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was mostly written at 3 in the morning. Song used: Keaton Henson-10am Gare Du Nord.

                     

                                                         **Akira**

He held me for a few minutes, I waiting to wake up or for him to disappear. He didn’t, when I pulled away to look at him his eyes were penetrating me just as before. I felt everything inside me become soft before him. We were holding hands, Rin was the one who broke the moment,

“How much time we got?” There was a look of impatience on his face, he was frustrated with something,

“4 days.” I replied, not looking away from Nano. Rin’s eyes widened at me,

“Really? How? Why?”

  
“I’m married, Rin, there is no need for him to be hawking me anymore.” The words came out like nothing. It felt weird to tell Nano and Rin I was married, even though they saw it happen. My mind had a million questions but first I had to clear the air. Rin had an obvious contempt for me and I deserved it. I let go of Nano and reached over to Rin, “Can I touch you?”

“Why?” He questioned, he was like a bitten animal.

 “I missed you too…” still he held back from me, “I guess you both can know… for months now I have been haunted by your ghosts. Both of you.” I looked around, the bloody corpse figures would haunt me no more. I was relieved, their lively forms before me. Even if they were a bit timid around me, I still craved them endlessly. I looked at both of their slightly dirty faces. Nano glanced at Rin’s rigid form before tugging on his arm and gesturing to me. They exchanged a look before Rin offered himself to me, hugging me like I was his old friend. He was taller than I, yet still a bit shorter than Nano  he seemed wore and sad. All that energy of the past was gone, and the color had been sucked from him. He bore some resemblance to Shiki and all that intense femininity from the past was only slight now. He was still beautiful like before, but in a different way. I sighed, “I will go get dressed, we have real food in the kitchen here, I will make us something.” They nodded as I disappeared into my chamber and put on something ‘normal’. I didn’t bother with a uniform, I just put on a black long sleeve shirt and plain black pants, stuffing the picture of Nano in my pocket. I wasn’t royalty with them and I didn’t want to be treated as royalty by them. Not only did I not merit it, I did not want it.  

 When I walked back out I found Rin glued to Nano’s side, his hand tight on his bicep. They were looking very intensely into each other’s eyes. They spoke a secret language I did not understand, there were no words being exchanged but there was conversation happening. The way Rin’s fingers moved on Nano’s upper arm, his slight changes in pose, the way his head moved, or his lips being wetted by his tongue. Nano was the same, but his movements were much harder to trace. I tried to understand, but the silent words feel on me as any foreign tongue would. Their language wasn’t for me to understand. I did not need to get it, I only needed to acknowledge that it did exist. Nano turned his eyes to me and so did Rin,

“Come with me, I have questions…” I walked past them, and they trailed behind me, Rin letting go of Nano. I led them into the most modern place in the palace, the kitchen. There was a stainless-steel stove, oven, fridge and cooking supplies. All in contrast with the stone walls, the dark grey marble counter tops, the stained-glass window and the dark wood cabinets. There was an island with stools in the center floor, Rin and Nano sat beside each other as I went to work. I was feeling awkward as I turned on the lights and looked through the pantry. Rin spoke up,

“I suppose you’d like to know the whole story. I’ll tell you the good parts but save the boring details.” I decided on sukiyaki for the dish to make them and I began working on it as Rin began the story. What followed was a harrowing tale of two people who somehow survived a fatal attack and became bonded as the world ended at the hands of my madman husband. Their story made me realize their bond was even deeper than the secret language I had witnessed earlier. The part of the story that was even more shocking was Rin’s second brush with death and how Nano had infected him with Nicole to save his life. I put the lid on the pan with the strips of beef in it and turned to them,

“Why did you let it all out like that?” I wouldn’t tell Shiki, I didn’t want him to know about them. They were now my most valuables and I wanted to keep them close to me. My own dirty little secret, god knows Shiki had more than a few I ignored.

“Because if you tell Shiki, I’ll make sure all 3 of us are executed.” Rin said coldly, and Nano seemed to be in agreement. Of course, they had a game plan before coming in here.  I would submit in any way they wanted. I wanted to earn them back, Nano being my focus. Even though he had yet to say anything to me, just seeing him made me feel love again. Rin glanced over at Nano, “Is there something you want to say, Nano?” Rin’s tone had been harsh with me and yet turned soft when he spoke to Nano.

“….” I held my breath as Nano turned slowly to me, “I am glad to see you…” a smile flickered across Nano’s face for a few seconds and Rin grinned. I let out my tension and put my head down shyly.

“I’ve been working with him!” Rin chirped and put his head on Nano’s shoulder.  “When we first met he expressed nothing whatsoever but now I am teaching him to let some of his more intense emotions out!” Rin’s eyes slowly closed as his shoulders eased. This was bizarre. I had to ask what their nature was,

“Are you two...involved?” Nano’s stony expression had skeptical eyes and Rin made a displeased face,

“No.” Rin sat back up and ran his hands over the marble countertop in front of him. He was as unreadable as Nano. He was shutting me out, somehow, I didn’t believe that they weren’t a couple. They really acted like they were. Rin was treating Nano the same tenderness and undying devotion that Keisuke had treated me with. Jesus Christ, I hadn’t thought about Keisuke since his death. A dull, forgotten ache came over me for a minute. I truly had no one. I wanted to press them, and Rin must have been able to tell because he continued, “Not once has he let go of the thought of you, Akira.” My heart skipped a beat and I turned to twist the knob for the heat to off. Nano still loves me even after all this…? I tasted the rice to make sure it was done. I thought of all the time Rin and Nano spent bonding together. There was so much about Nano I didn’t know and so much of Rin I had never seen. I sat the sukiyaki pot in the middle of the island where they were sitting. I turned and served 3 bowls of rice. Rin started right in with his chopsticks, Nano of course didn’t understand what was going on.

“Nano, you grab it out of the pot- “Rin and I spoke at the same time, Rin looked to me. He was used to being Nano’s guide,

“He wants it more from you, Akira.” Rin said dryly as he went back to tearing a piece of beef with his teeth. I looked at Rin for a moment, I didn’t have time to think about him and what he was feeling about me. Nano was my priority.

 “Here, like this Nano.” I demonstrated how to hold the chopsticks and then picked some meat out of the pot. Nano seemed to struggle for a moment before getting the hang of it and following my lead. I noticed when he went to eat he looked to Rin and they made eye contact. He then intimidated Rin’s eating style. The meal was finished in silence and Rin leaned back when he was done. Nano touched his shoulder,

“What is it?” Nano gave Rin a deep gaze before he sighed and turned to me,

“He wants to be alone with you.” I did not know what to say, I felt a bit embarrassed for some reason. Rin didn’t appreciate my hesitance, “What is the problem, Akira?” Rin’s eyes were as piercing as Shiki’s. He was waiting for me to fuck this up, I vow to not let him get the better of me.

“Nothing, I want to be alone with him too.” I stood up and walked over to Nano,

“Come with me?” I asked him, not wanting to seem ungrateful or demanding, Nano stood and held onto my arm as we left the kitchen. I guided him up to the second floor and he let go of me. We stood in front of the windows and face each other. For a second, as he held my hands, I felt like I was getting married a second time for a moment. He and I exchanged gazes, I didn’t speak his language like Rin did. When this occurred to him he let go of my hands and turned away. It was, for the first time in a year, I heard his deep sorrowful voice which I had missed so much,

“Forgive my dear friend, I have allowed him to grow attached to me.” Nano leaned up against the window, his forehead pressed up against his upper arm. The ocean and grey sky was reflected in his eyes,

“I can tell…” I did not let my envy show through. There was something I had to ask him about Rin,

“Why did you infect Rin?” There was a dragging silence before Nano replied,

“I did not expect to revel in him as I do.” It appeared as though Nano cared for Rin. Why was I so surprised by all this? Nano and Rin had survived death together, then proceeded to spend year the next inseparable. They were bonded in a way I couldn’t and would never understand. I was covetous because Rin spoke Nano’s language. Whether this was because they both were infected with Nicole or had spent so much time together, I did not know. I was nervous and weary, I hadn’t felt so debased in a long time. I was being humbled once more by this man and the grown Rin.

 “I don’t know what to say.” My words were weak, and he turned back to me,

“I am trying, Akira…” He picked up my left hand and removed my rings, placing it on the window ceil. I didn’t stop him. I looked at them, I was sure it was the only way he could deal with me. I was sure this whole marriage to Shiki was painful enough for Nano. I looked him and down. He was a magnetic and unique as I remembered, surely Rin wanted to preserve him. Nano touched my face and I couldn’t make eye contact. The electricity from him was running all the way down into my toes. “Why do you let me do these things?” I peeked at him through half lidded eyes,

“Because I have spent every day begging for your ghost for forgiveness.” I confessed, it was like the current from him was forcing the confessions out of me. I wasn’t usually this honest, but right now I didn’t want to hold back. There was no Shiki or guards here to put my conscious out like the unruly flame it had become.   
“You…” Nano didn’t finish as he brushed his lips against mine and then backed away,” This is not right…” I opened my eyes,   
“What do you mean?” His trance was so powerful I felt nothing but calm.

“I cannot, you do not want me to.” Was that really the impression I was giving off? I did want him to kiss me. I had missed him so much,

“No, I do, I do not love my husband, it’s a sham marriage I promise.” Nano took his hand off me,

“I cannot touch you until you are truly free of his hold.” I shook my head,

“What?” I sounded like an idiot.

“Until you open your heart’s gate…I cannot come in.” I didn’t get it, I’d have to ask Rin what that meant later. Nano and I separated, leaving me feeling the weight of longing. I was being selfish, it wasn’t my place to ask for him. I didn’t deserve him, I was lucky to get this much. There was a long pause before I spoke,

“You may do what you like, I want to talk to Rin.” I walked away from him and back downstairs where I found Rin with an unamused expression aimlessly wandering the lower quarters of the castle.

“Back so soon? Why?” Rin’s gaze was intense,

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to know…” Rin chuckled bitterly before I could finish my thought,

 “You are going to have an affair with Nano.” I was shocked by those words,

“W-what?” I didn’t fully understand,

“You are going to have an affair with Nano. Now, Akira, I don’t condone cheating for most situations, but this really isn’t truly cheating. Having an affair because you were forced into a loveless marriage with an abusive psychopath really isn’t morally questionable. Especially if said psycho is my brother.” Rin said that with such utter confidence. I shook my head,

“Nano doesn’t want to.” Nano had become our pawn, a tug of war. I felt bad, but Rin seemed to know exactly what he was doing,

“He does.”

“No, he told me he doesn’t.” Rin paused before coming back at me,

“He and I discussed this. The affair can’t begin until you truly let go of Shiki all together. You stop feeling bad about it and you become fine with your secrets.” Rin was right, I was still hung up on the idea that cheating on Shiki was morally bankrupt. Even though Rin was right, I was coerced and brainwashed by him into thinking I loved him, that I wanted any of this. Shiki raped me regularly and threw me around like a ragdoll even more often. He would go away for days or weeks on end and almost never tell me where or who he was going to do or see. Even now I had no idea what exactly he was off doing for the next 4 days. For all I know he could be having an affair right now. But I had to confess I didn’t care if he was, as long as he wasn’t bringing any diseases home with him. If someone else was taking the attention away from me, I was grateful.

“How?” I asked,

“You don’t need me to answer that question.” He brushed me off, “Go back upstairs with Nano now, he’d been waiting awhile.” Rin turned away from me and walked out of the room. I sighed and ascended the stairs once more to find Nano fiddling with my wedding rings. I wondered what they were making him think or feel, I walked to him softly. He set down my rings and turned to me. I felt like I wanted to touch him, but knew it was inappropriate for me to initiate contact.  I hated this distance between us,

“Nano…” I had nothing meaningful to say other than his name. He allowed me a deep look into the void of his eyes, but I still felt weights on my feet that kept me from getting closer,

“Yes?” I made the sad face I had been holding back,

“What is going to happen?” My voice was weak, I was breaking apart before him. He turns to me,

“That is not what you want.” He said, I didn’t care if he evaded the question. I fell silent, I couldn’t break myself to say the words needed “You may ask or tell me anything you wish.” He held out his hand and I didn’t take it, he was reading me still, “You may touch me, Akira.” My hand took a small eternity to reach his, but when it did, he grasped it tightly. I felt slightly relieved, so he had meant it was just my lips he didn’t want. I was both accepted and rejected. Nano gave an ever so slight glare behind me and I guessed Rin was back there because I heard footsteps scurrying away. I wondered if Nano and Rin had ever fought, I was sure there was certain things that might trigger either of them to fight. I didn’t want to be witness to it, though I was sure their fights were not physical. My mind was wandering so much that Nano let go of my hand to grab my waist and pull me close, petting me. My face felt hot, I didn’t stop him from doing it. I put my arms around him to let him know I was okay with this. I supposed a kiss would be like a seal of love for him. He and Rin must have agreed that the moment he kissed me was the moment the affair would officially begin. It was not yet time and I accepted that.

                                        

* * *

 

 There was a large room with two beds in it on the second floor, this is where they and I stayed. They slept in the same bed together and I in the bed next to them. I had no desire to sleep in what Rin had described as the ‘rape room’. When I said I would sleep on the small servant futon Rin had insisted we all sleep in the same room and that ‘it wasn’t unusual for Nano to ask for a bed companion’. I was sure there was way more to that than Rin would ever tell me. They had looked so peaceful as they slept beside each other, their backs to each other felt like they were forming a seal of trust. As I had laid in bed that night I had gotten a sneaking feeling that Rin’s affinity for Nano was much more than friendly yet again. It was not my place to speculate and it seemed like even if that were the case, Nano did not feel the same.

 I really did feel my original affections for Nano reawaken with each passing hour I spent with him. He was still as magical as I recalled. Even though his hair was full of faded dye, he still had that European glow to his facial features that made him attractive. The way he spoke to Rin was like nothing I had ever seen before. He spoke very little actual words to Rin, it was mostly gestures, touches and looks. Somehow Rin understood so perfectly every time. The secret language was only becoming more and more outside of my realm of comprehension each time I saw it. I was sitting in the lounge area on the couch across from them. Nano looked to Rin and crossed the tips of his fingers slowly, then unwound them even slower. Rin sighed and came back with a wore notebook and pen. Nano then unfolded the notepad and scratched something out. I felt aimless, I was realizing just how much I let Shiki bark me around. It was like my existence was totally without purpose if he wasn’t giving me a laundry list of royal chores.

 Rin sat beside Nano, he seemed to be teaching him to do something. His voice was so soft towards the brunette that I couldn’t hear a word from my current distance. I focused on a light fixture on the wall. I thought of Shiki and my wedding rings still sitting on the window ceil upstairs. I was snapped out my thoughts by Rin,

“You want Nano?” That question had so many answers, I gave Rin a blank look, “He wants you.” Rin used his Nicole strength to yank me off the couch and pushed me to Nano. Nano held up his arms and Rin pushed me down into his body. Nano caught me like a feather had drifted on him, the back of my head on his chest and his arms crossed over my stomach. I felt him rest his chin on the top of my head. Rin beheld us before speaking to Nano, “Are you sure you want to sing right now?” I felt Nano’s grip tighten around me. Rin vanished yet again, I waited for a few minutes. Once I was sure he was taking his time doing whatever he was doing, I asked Nano a question,   
“Will I never be worthy to understand you and him?”

“It is not worthwhile to worry about…are you letting it in the way?” Was I? I was, I was afraid of fucking it up so bad. I was afraid of not getting him,  

“Yes.” It came out thoughtlessly, the truth was something everything inside me wanted to give Nano.

“No need for worry…your value to me is not measured in the same way his is.” My face turned pink and I felt his jaw moving as he spoke. Jesus Christ, I don’t remember him being so blunt about his thoughts. I was used to getting vague philosophies and riddles from him. Then again, that was all a year ago and Rin had said he had been working with Nano so he would be more expressive. Rin came back with an acoustic guitar, he played? I guess he had had the time to learn. I realized that right now was their everyday lives. Rin and Nano had spent days alone in small spaces together, in fact, most of their waking days were spent just being together. I admired their harmony, they seemed functionally happy enough around each other.  The only thing different right now was my presence and the size of the abode which their spirits found themselves in. Rin pulled the decorative circular rug towards us and sat crossed legged on it.  He was at our feet. He took a few minutes to get in tune, I was still tense. Once Rin had found the sound that he was seeking I felt a deep breath being pulled into Nano’s chest. Then a chesty, deep and soft singing voice came from him,

“This feels right and I'm letting it

And now I know just what to do

Tire of me if you will, my dear

I will not tire of you

And this is the world as I see it now

Turns out that nothing is fair

You can leave me if you wish, my love

But I'm not going anywhere.” Rin had his back to turned me, so I couldn’t read him, I struggled to process the words I was hearing from Nano. Is this what they were writing? The chorus came, and they sang together. It was something about love and being fragile. It was the 3rd verse that had me thinking and it was the verse that made me realize why Nano was holding me,

“Endless distraction, you worry me

But I'm trying to figure out how

You don't have to make any promises, love

I'm afraid I might die for you now

And I'd kill just to watch you as you're sleeping

I hope that you'll let me, in time

You don't have to call me yours, my love

Damn it, I'm calling you mine.” I could tell from the look Rin gave me over his shoulder this verse was about me. He was waiting for me to break, to run away, to announce I love Shiki and I was going to have them killed. I instead opted to nestle myself deeper into Nano and close my eyes. Rin’s bitterness was irrelevant, Nano was right, I couldn’t continue to let him get the way of loving Nano. Shiki was no obstruction but in the physical world. As the long ended I breathed in Nano’s scent. He smelled like old churches, books and masculine musk. He was comforting, I felt myself dozing when I heard the phone ring. I launched myself from Nano and stood in a rush,

“I’ll be back, promise.” I walked out of the room while answering Shiki’s call. I heard his breathing before he spoke,

“I am coming back a day earlier than I told you.” He said with a bit of anxiety in his voice,

“Are you?”

“Yes, we are married so I will be spending more time with you from now on.” I felt slight panic, this meant I wouldn’t be able to just dismiss like I could before.  

“The whole kingdom saw us get married you do not need to worry.”

“It is not about that. I am tired of negotiating terms with the people of the outer islands. I have decided to simply conquer them permanently and put a puppet government in place just to make them obey.” He sighed into the phone. I guess that what he had been doing all this time?

“I see.”

“Furthermore, I find you to be the only one who does not annoy me. To be with you is to feel refreshed, Akira.” What was he doing? He must be tired, he was never like this towards me ever. I had to think of something to say back,

“You make me feel honored.” And I could almost feel his smile. That smile, as I had been told, was only for me or for someone he was killing. Shiki hadn’t had told me that, his assist had.

“In which ways?” His voice nearly purred,

“For being worthy enough to rule beside you.” Shiki hummed with delight on the other side of the line before cutting back to the usual iciness,

“Enough. I will be back with you soon enough, husband.” The line went dead. I suddenly felt bad for considering cheating. Shiki wasn’t cheating on me, he seemed like he wanted to be with me. I couldn’t just throw him away… I huffed and turned around to be face to face with Rin. Whose eyes were blue fires as he loomed over me. His glare was so intense, I took a step back,

“I can fucking read you, Akira. All those words, Nano gives you a piece of his soul and still you feel bad for Shiki.” He clenched his fists, “You’re lucky I really fucking care about Nano or I’d fucking break your fucking ribs, because god knows you have no spine.” I had had enough of him, I finally broke and I smacked him in the face.

“Don’t you fucking think I’m having enough of a hard time with this without you fucking constantly reminding me that I am a fuck up! I get it you and Nano are bonded in ways I will never fucking get! Leave me alone about it! If the consequence of trying to love Nano is taking constant shit from you, then both of you, get on the next boat and fucking leave my kingdom!” I barked, Rin was shaking with rage.  

“That’s it, huh?! My brother says his usual manipulative shit and you just give up?!” Rin turned his head to the side as bitter laughed rolled out, “I did all this for…and you just…” Rin looked ready to cry, he held his hand over his heart. That’s when Nano came out and stepped between us, he looked at me with narrowed eyes.

“Is it true?” His voice had a thin layer of sadness. I didn’t reply, Nano took Rin by the hand and began to lead him away. I shook my head. No! I wanted this! I was being an idiot. Shiki doesn’t love me, he only married me for selfish, possessively abusive reasons! He forces himself on me whenever he wishes, is a brutal and evil dictator and tried to kill the man I am in love with just to own me to the utmost! I ran over and reach out to Nano, stopping him just as he was preparing to leave.

“Please stay, I’m sorry!” Nano let go of Rin so hard he set the blond tumbling to the ground. I put my hands on his shoulders, making eye contact, “I don’t deserve it, but Nano, I want…” What the fuck? Why can’t I say it! Just say it! “I want to try.”  It was oh so breathy, but he must have heard it because he touched foreheads with me. Rin was laying on the ground, his back to us. I saw his just heave and grumble something. I continued on as Rin collected himself enough to just leave by himself in a huff. “Nano please…teach me how to be myself again.” He pulled me into his arms.  


	5. Island Formation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiki doesn't understand marriage and Nano begins his quest to fuck ya boy. Also I lull you into false security.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't be bothered to edit this anymore, I already been writin' it for two weeks.

                                     

                                                      **Akira**

 I heard Nano and Rin fighting in the middle of the night, it must have been intense because they left the room to do it. I fought the part of me that was nosy for a few minutes before caving and creeping close to the door to hear what they were arguing about. They were arguing about me,

“The agreement was to hold him accountable not to get in my way.” For the first time I heard real emotion seep through Nano’s tone. He was frustrated with Rin. _‘Get in my way’_ those words were so vague, and that made Akira feel slightly worried.

“He’s acting like he’s going to forget about you the moment he sees Shiki’s dick again.” Rin hissed back. That’s when he heard a crash against the adjacent stone wall from the room and Nano’s voice filled the air as Rin groaned a bit,

“Do I need to remind you who I am? Our shared blood can quickly mean nothing if that is the way you want it.” Nano’s tone was a bit aggressive.

“What the fuck I thought I had something with you?” Rin’s tone was strained.

“You always knew what I wanted was him. You chose to stay with me.” Rin then began to weep on the other side of the door,

“I would do anything for you and yet you think I’m so disposable. You infected me with Nicole because you weren’t done toying with me. Maybe Shiki was right, you do think you’re some kind of god who is better than everybody else.” Rin sobbed, “You’re no better than him!”

“You know the deal, Rin…” Nano’s voice was suddenly soft, and I heard some fast footsteps away from the door. I couldn’t handle it, I had to interfere. I opened the door and Nano’s back was to me.

“I heard that, you know.” Nano turned to me silently, “He cares about you.”

“…” He couldn’t make eye contact with me, “Why do you care?”

“Because you are important to me and I know if you get rid of Rin, the only one who really gets you, you’ll seriously regret it.” I was being stern with him, he reached out to touch my hand and I stepped back. Some confusion crossed his face, “Until you start appreciating Rin to the point where he feels he’s not competing with me for your attachment, feel free to sleep in another room.” I was frustrated with Nano and didn’t want to outright reject him in this way, since our time together was coming to an end tomorrow evening. But he left me with no choice. Our stretch together wasn’t even that pleasurable because of the tensions of Rin. I turned away and went back to bed, locking the door behind me.

* * *

 

 When I woke up the next day, my mouth tasted bad. I headed to my green marble bathroom to brush my teeth and clean my face with some soap. The castle was eerily quiet. I was worried. I went back to my room and changed out of my sleep clothes. There was still no sign of stirring from anyone but me. Suddenly a weary feeling came over me. I crept quietly up to the 3rd floor and slipped my wedding rings on. I looked out of the window and did not see a car. That did not mean Shiki wasn’t here. I was hoping he wasn’t. I took a few deep breaths and went down to the first floor. I looked all around, there was no Shiki. Thank god, I had one more day of peace before he came. I still wanted to find Nano and Rin. God, what I said last night had been a mistake. I needed to apologize for getting in their business. I went outside and called out for Rin and Nano. The window whipped up the scent of the sea. I inhaled and called out once more. From the distance I heard a disturbance, I look behind me to see both of them standing across from each other. Rin’s face was still swollen from crying the night before and Nano was looking at him like a leaf that drifted in. There was an eerie silence between them, I approached. I had intended to apologize for getting in their business but seeing them like this broke my heart.

“Both of you, what happened?” Rin turned to me, his sorrowful eyes met mine.

“Why do you care so much about what happens to us?” The answer was obvious for me,

“Because I can’t lose either of you again! It’s not one or the other, it’s both or none.” Rin laughed,

“Oh please, Akira, you never cared about me!” I grabbed him and shook him,

“I do! I do! Just stop this the both of you! All we are doing is running in circles!” I was shaking, I was so tired of this and it had only been _3 days._  Even if I decided that I wanted an affair with Nano, I couldn’t do it while dealing with Rin’s drama. I looked at Nano with a silent beg: _If you care about either of us, you will tell Rin what he means to you._ There was a pregnant pause that seemed like a little eternity before Nano finally decided to walk forward. When Nano was close to both of us, I let go of Rin,

“Rin, dear friend…” Rin gave a skeptical look, then Nano lifted up his hands. Rin slowly pressed their palms together and it was Nano who touched their foreheads. There was deep eye contact and Rin was having a struggle. Finally, Rin closed his eyes and Nano did the same. Their finger laced, and I almost saw the energy flowing between them. I knew Rin forgave Nano and understood the meaning of their bond. Rin began to cry quietly, and Nano’s eyes opened slightly. He undid of one their hands and touched Rin’s face. “Dear Friend…you can be called irreplaceable companion too.” Rin moved to put his head on Nano’s shoulder and kept their palms together. I made eye contact with Nano, but he pulled away rather quickly to focus on the emotional Rin. The moment latest for a while and I was starting to get hungry. I felt bad but didn’t want to exclude them from my meal.

“Hey, I’m going to go and make some food…there will be enough for the both of you.” They both looked at me like they had forgotten I was even there and I walked past them.

“Akira!” Rin’s voice chirped, and I turned to him, his eyes were puffy, but he was smiling, and he ran to me. He hugged me and hit me with so much force I wobbled. “You’re still a good person deep inside.” I hugged him back and I felt Nano’s arms silently snake around me from behind. I was sandwiched between the two and they held onto me with their iron Nicole virus love grasps for a few minutes. I felt loved for the first time in a year. I felt Nano’s lips kiss the back of my neck and I shivered, it made Rin giggle. They let go and trailed me inside.

* * *

 

 After our meal was finished I let the relief wash over me, I had conquered Rin and Nano being apart. Now I would have to deal with something else. I thought of a way to get them to be allowed into my palace and around me all the time. I decided that I should hire Rin as my personal assistant. I turned to them and explained my plan: I would fire the current idiot trying to be my assistant and hold faux interviews. I would pretend I was taking notes and interviewing people to be hired, this would include Rin. But I would not even consider someone else and he would be ‘hired’ a few days later.

“What about Nano, Akira?” I tapped my fingers against the table at the question. I guess I was hoping Rin would just know everything after the fact. Why would he? He didn’t know the deep interconnections of my castle or my dynamic with my husband.

“I haven’t decided whether or not to have an affair with him yet.” Rin slammed his fist against the table and leaned half-way across to me.   
“Why not?! I told you cheating on Shiki isn’t really cheating!” Rin huffed and I looked over at Nano, who was currently occupying himself with the textures of the stone walls around us.

“Because cheating is cheating no matter what…I mean what morality would I have left if I cheated with Nano?” Rin leaned back, dragged his hand down his face and huffed in frustration.

“ _Akira_ , I will explain this to you once more: Shiki stole you from Nano, try to kill him to have total ownership of you; fucking abuses you in every way possible and is now a brutal dictator who thinks anal sex without lube, or true consent, is a good time. Cheating on the personal who holding you hostage is not immoral. Cheating on your psychopath husband, who you want to spend as little time around and dread having sex with because he is your abuser, _who also_ thinks he killed the person you actually loved, is not immoral. What you have with him never was and never will be love. Snap out of the delusion that cheating on him is the same as cheating on your actual lover, that you picked willingly, who takes good care of you.” He let out his air and Nano looked over at me, god, even he looked so beautiful even when he was disheveled. I groaned as I struggled with myself and Rin looked equally as frustrated with me. He stood and put his hands on Nano’s shoulders, turning him to me. “Are you kidding me, Akira? Is so much of a struggle to find this beautiful?” Suddenly Rin was a salesman as he gestured to Nano, “Look at him Akira, it’s for you, _only you_ and you hesitant so may dance with the devil? Why continue to kiss the frog when the prince is here?”

 I felt myself blush for some reason and Rin walked over to haul me up from my sitting position. He pushed me forward until I was close to Nano, who took the reins from Rin and grabbed my waist. He pulled me tight to his body, his face hovering just above mine from our height difference. I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to avoid eye contact. I heard Rin shuffle behind me and Nano exchange a look with him. Nano then pulls my chin up and kisses me a bit roughly. It catches me off guard and I pull our faces apart with force. Nano attempts to chase my face for a moment before realizing what has happened and his eagerness retreats like a punished puppy. Rin makes a sound like sounds a bit too close to a growl behind me, but it does not bother me. I only feel bad because Nano seems sad,

“…” His grip looses considerably, but he does not let go. He does not want to release me but is giving me permission to leave if I desire that truly.

“You can’t just begin without my permission.” And Rin finally pipes up,

“Akira, this isn’t about that, he made the first move because he realized you weren’t going to do it.” Nano eyes seem to plead with me, “Apparently, you need some pushing, I don’t know what you’re afraid of. You know Nano and I are both Nicole carriers who wouldn’t let Shiki lay a hand on you if worse came to worse.” I was so damn afraid, but of what? Losing Shiki? Ugh! I want to be over this, but I’ll never be over this via emotionally torturing Nano. I guess the only answer was to go in head-first. I would just have to do it until it became comfortable, all romantic relationships are uncomfortable in the beginning. Why was I expecting some fairy tale bullshit? I never thought this way before with Nano and now I did? I really have let Shiki eat me whole. I looked at Nano and I leaned into him, letting my spirits fight in my chest. This was the only way to get over it, keeping a distance away from what my heart truly wanted was only making it worse. Nano put his hand on his head and began to stroke my head. He was hyper aware of me and the electricity between us was becoming a pulse. I heard Rin sigh in relief and mumble something along the lines of _‘finally after 3 fucking days’._ Nano and I stayed like that for a little while before I looked up at him. I looked him in his glassy blue eyes, with that blank face that scared so many and I felt reassured. I had no reason to fear him, his goal was not to make me afraid.

“I can and will find the time for you.” I comforted him, I felt his grip get tighter, “Even when Shiki comes back tomorrow, as soon as this shitshow honeymoon is over, I’ll be right back to you.” I squeezed Nano’s shoulders softly. He was looking at me, his eyes rolling over my face repeatedly. He was saying something to me, I just didn’t know what. Hopefully someday I would understand, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand you the way Rin does.” He opened his mouth,

“What I do when he and I talk…it is not the same for you.” I was surprised, and he used one of his hands to stroke my face,

“Well I don’t get it, you have to tell me what you are thinking, what you want.” He seemed to think on this for a moment,

“One day you and I…we will be the same spirit.” I didn’t know what that meant exactly but the intensity frightened me, and I didn’t feel ready for such a bond.

“It’s alright, Nano, you can take it slow…”

“I am.” Our faces came close together, a test. This was a test. _Accept me._ I faltered for a moment but then closed the distance and we kissed. It felt nice and he wasn’t invasive. It was a gentle press that lasted for what seemed like an eternity before we pulled apart. I was at a loss as to what to do next, I looked away from Nano and I felt his nose in my neck. His sniffing was intense, I felt my skin prickle up. I wondered where Rin was off to. Nano let go of me rather suddenly and stepped back, he looked me up and down, “You are distracted…” I looked at him with wide eyes, slight panic.

“It’s not because I’m not interested in you! It’s because I am thinking about ways to be with you as much as possible!” I touched his hand and he seemed invasive. The road was long between us and I couldn’t manage my feelings properly it seemed. I was trying to think of the short-term right now. I knew eventually I’d have to get rid of Shiki and end the regime, but that seemed like it had some time before it took place. I was sucked out of my thoughts by Nano taking my hands and kissing my fingers. I was unsure of what to do, so I decided to reassure him some more, “I had fallen for you before and I will again…” Nano gave me a passive look,

“Show me then.”

 

* * *

 

                                                     **Rin**

 

I almost couldn’t believe the number my brother had done on Akira, it was like he wasn’t even the same person anymore. I was so frustrated with him that I had let it take over my bond with Nano. I felt like an idiot for letting that silver-haired fuck get between Nano and me. After the drama of the past few days, watching them reunited in fuckery wasn’t interesting to me. I had other things I had to do. I left them alone to do whatever and left the fortress. I crawled down to our cubby where I had been keeping our stuff, strapped it to my back and climbed back up. I couldn’t see Nano and Akira from here and I loved it. I ended up sitting on the ground for a bit outside, ‘meditating’ I would say. But it’s not really meditating if you are drawing up your careful plan to kill your dictator brother and give your soul’s companion his life back. I decided I needed a shower that was actually private and stood. I carried my stuff in and plopped it on the living main living area floor. I dropped my clothes right there too. I was way beyond the point of caring if either of them saw me naked. I made my way into one of Akira’s numerous bathrooms and turned the water on until the room filled with steam.

 There were no shower curtains in these green marbled bathrooms. I had to get one of the cupboards below the sink. I was guessing this was for easy Shiki predator access. A person could easily lose themselves in maze of this layout. It was a wonder why Akira didn’t just disappear down a random hallway and never come out. Shiki fucked himself with this layout however, because this made Nano and I hiding out here very easy. I was sure the same was true of the main palace. There was no way Shiki was bothering to keep track of what happening on those top floors if Akira could be accounted for. I rinsed the shampoo from my hair and looked at my body again. I couldn’t get away with the cutesy bullshit anymore and I keep forgetting. Just like I keep forgetting I have to put a bit of conditioner in my hair to contain it now. I ran the bar of soap over my form. I wondered who’s pick it was for the soap to smell like citrus and eucalyptus. It was probably Shiki. I rinsed myself off and turned off the shower, wrapping myself in a towel. I walked out of the room and felt like a movie star for a minute as steam rolled out of the bathroom. I looked around and didn’t see Nano, thank god.

 I dressed and dried myself, pushing a comb through my hair and putting it back in a low ponytail. I was standing in front of one of Shiki’s vanity mirrors. I say they are Shiki’s because I don’t see Akira being so otiose. I ran my hands over my fragile form, ah so it was true. I would only be attractive as long I had a deceptively feminine look to me. I rolled my eyes and let a bitter laugh fall from my mouth. Ah why I was avoiding the truth of the situation…that I with Nano…I couldn’t, I wouldn’t admit it. I couldn’t allow it to have a hold me, it was a delusion. I would never….I walked away from the mirror and down the kitchen. I fished around Akira’s pantry for a snack. I found many things I hadn’t seen since I was a child. Real junk food imported from western countries. Of course, Shiki had seized decent amount of good tasting things for himself. I didn’t know if he sold them in stores, I hadn’t actually entered a Shiki regime grocery store. I grabbed a bag of the noisiest chips I could find and some candies with names I couldn’t say. I sat at the kitchen island and was as raucous as possible while devouring my chips and candy. I didn’t care if the lovebirds heard me, I was now back to living my bane of existence. Nano still treated my boat with kindness, but I had been kicked off the main atoll.

I laid my head on the empty bag of chips and they where the kindest thing to touch my soul in days. They were a bit greasy and salty, the taste floated with the candies on my tongue. I thought of what things were to me now. I was now the main junction between Nano and Akira. I wasn’t as valuable as romantic love. I hated that about Nano, he thinks romantic love is the be all, end all of the world. I wish I had known I was so disposable. I don’t get a happy ending, because of course I don’t. I destroyed everything before and now the likelihood of me doing it again was high. My plan was to have my brother kill me at the climax of all this bullshit. I guess the old me was still inside my chest. Nano would then kill Shiki and ride off with Akira into the sunset. After all, when that happens I will be out of my uses.

* * *

 

                                                               **Akira**

I had them leave in the middle of the night just to be extra safe. Nano kissed me goodbye, I handed them a hefty supply bag to get them through the next few weeks. I kept watched to make sure their descent back into the city was safe. I went back to the fortress and cleaned up well, putting my rings back on. I also shower the scent of Nano off me and sprayed the bed sheets that they had slept in with a spray-on surface cleanser. I erased all that would have given away their presence in this place. I was unsure of what Shiki was expecting from me upon his return, but I knew that I better get ready for it. My sleep was restless, I wanted Shiki to call saying he’d changed his mind. That never happened. I was up and down all night, I dreaded when I finally woke up the 3rd and final time to see the sun peeking through the curtains in the chamber. I opted to pretend to be asleep until Shiki actually arrived. Every moment was distressing on my senses. I didn’t know how much time had passed until I heard the footsteps. Strong, confident, convicted…my husband had finally arrived. The door opened, and I pretended I didn’t heard it. Shiki stood over me and I could almost feel his eyes. He rolled me over with force and I opened my eyes,

“I’m home.” He was grinning and I glared back, he sat me up by dragging me back with my arm. He smelled me deeply and it was not nearly of the same feathery quality Nano had done it with. He seemed satisfied, “Ah you cleaned up for me, pleasing.” I rolled my eyes and got from the bed. I changed in front of him and he stared intensively. What was the point anymore? I sighed and finally said something to my husband,

“Are you hungry?” He had a curious look,   
“If I was I would have told you.” I rolled my eyes again,

“Whatever, I am, and I am going to make myself something. Bye.” I left the room and Shiki really hate that because he charged after me. He grabbed my hands and pulled them behind my back,

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” He said in my ear and the sound of his salvia smacks felt like ice icicles piercing my brain.

“Yes! Can’t I just be fucking hungry?” His grasp obviously wasn’t that tight because I slipped free and continued on my way. I walked down the kitchen and he hurried behind me. I made my breakfast as I could nearly hear his huffy puffy thoughts on my behavior. I turned to him, “You know you don’t have to wear that uniform around me, nobody to impress.” He is cold and unresponsive, but the next time I turn my head he is gone. By the time I am done cooking he had returned in regular clothes. I serve myself and a few moments later he follows me. Of course, he was just acting, I don’t comment on it, we eat in silence. I wash both of our dishes. He seems like he’s at a loss, I am not surprised he doesn’t know how to talk to me. God forbid he ever show me affection. This silence wasn’t tense, it was awkward. When I was done drying and putting the dishes way, I turned to him. “I’m going to read something.” I left to entertain the book shelf in the lounge room. I picked something and sat down. My husband sat adjacent to me. I was flipping through some type of history book for a solid amount of time before Shiki finally spoke up.

“Talk to me.” I guess he didn’t realize that when you marry someone you have to actually spend time around them.

“Why? About what?” I turned the page, this book wasn’t very interesting, but better than interacting with my husband. He reached over and grabbed the book from my hands, slamming it against the table. He then sat back down in his lounging pose, staring me down. He and Rin really were brothers it seemed, for fuck’s sake Rin had been making this same with that same attitude for the past 3 days.

“Because I am your husband and your attention belongs to me.” That was Shiki for ‘if I don’t have Akira’s attention I am going to murder someone.’ I sighed and thought of something to talk him about,

“Did the conquering of the outer islands go well?” I was pretended to care, he seemed appeased,

“Yes, it did, not that I would let any of my circus of clowns question my judgement.” His expression seemed to lighten a bit, ah so he wanted to show off for me. Why? Who the fuck knows.

“Good, happy to hear it. Did you meet anyone of interest?”

“No, I never do. I rushed back here to see you.”

“Why? I am not interesting to you unless my ass is open, and I have some regime plans.” I snapped, I felt safe for some reason. No, I knew why I felt safe, Nano’s face came to the front of my mind.

“Yes, you are correct for business. But you are also the only person I tolerate for long periods of time.” He clicked his tongue, I wondered what he was thinking.

“Do you have anything you want to say to me?” I inquired,   
“The other day I was thinking of having a funeral service.” My face scrunched up, “For Rin, my brother, you may remember him. I feel he deserves a real funeral.”

“He’s been dead for a while though.” Shiki shook his head ever so slightly,

“Doesn’t matter, I miss his stupid ass every so often. I want to metaphorically bury him. It will make me feel better.” That was such a weird thing to say. But I did not question it, in fact, it sounded good to me. It would make the very much alive Rin much less obvious.

“Sounds good, you don’t need such things clouding you up.” He smiled wickedly and stood. I braced for impact as he came towards me,

“Oh Akira, I can always count on you to give me the assurance I need.” He loomed over me and then offered his hand, “Come on, let us enjoy our wedding bliss.”


	6. Strawberry Pop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin is a sad boy, Akira starts to grow back his thick skin and Nano is a raging bisexual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only edited this about half way then decided I really don't give a shit because it's long and readable. Feel free to point out my mistakes in the comments, it won't appear.

                                          

                                                       **Rin**

I was being strange. Nano had seemed rather happy, if you could call it that. In two days, we were to be invited to Akira’s crowning ceremony. This wasn’t nearly as morose as before, this was no longer a funeral. It was a resurrection. Though this was neglecting the fact that a crowning ceremony for Akira was total overkill, I was sure it was already known that he was the second emperor. I was certain it was just an excuse for my brother to have yet another lavish party before disappearing back into the shadows. Nano and I were going to go to one of the shops nearby. I wanted to see the inside. The image of Emperor Akira had Nano holding out his hands in reverence it seemed. It must have looked like he was devotee of the regime, when really any chance to pay tribute to his love of Akira was his self-assigned duty. He hadn’t seen him in nearly two weeks and I could tell it was starting to grit on him. The first part of love was the most fragile part, I was sure he was feeling a bit insecure. I latched myself to his arm as we approached a grocery store. The streets were a bit empty today, everybody was rushing to prepare offerings for the Emperors. I felt relieved as we entered the store and found it mostly empty.

 We began to look around and picked aisles at random. I was wondering if Shiki was selling any of those strawberry cream pops that Akira had given us. Nano had eaten most of them, I had maybe 2. I wasn’t mad about it, watching Nano enjoying himself a little was so worth it. People didn’t often savor things the way Nano did. He was someone with the most complex thoughts I had ever known and yet found joy in simple things. He liked cats and strawberry cream pops, but he also loved fresh born fear and chaos. That was a wild existence, I was sure.

 Nano was fascinated by everything. We down the fresh produce section and he picked up one of everything. Not to eat or buy, but to just investigate. This store was just as drab as the outside. Grey and green, cold, unfeeling. But even this mostly, empty, silent place, I was having a good time. Nano loved the fuzzy texture of the peaches and apricots, he rubbed them against his face. It made me giggle. I looked at the prices, ah yes, of course, all the decent food was for middle class or richer. Everything in here was incredibly expensive. 500 yen for .45 kg of chicken? What a fucking scam, what did Shiki think he was running? This was Japan after all, Japan after the world ended twice to be exact. Not exactly an island paradise anymore, nobody was flocking for tourism.

 He looked to me for guidance, I felt needed for now. I offered my arm and he took it. Even after the recent rifts between us, I still felt connected to him and I was glad. I had decided to savor our time together. I knew soon that Akira would do all these things in place of me. I regretted making this my purpose but could not take the decision back. Doing so would be completely heartless and childish. I took down an aisle generically labeled ‘sugar’. I figured this was a good place to look. Once again, Nano took in everything with great glee. I imagined his brain to be lit up, his world was so tiny before and now he had been close to so much. There was candy down this aisle and their bright packages were in sharp contrast with the rest of what we had seen. I was sure Shiki had not been given the option to take the life from them, that’s why they retained their personalities. I let Nano be entranced by the candies while I searched for those strawberry pops. My eyes lit up when I saw them standing neatly in rows in their little red box display. I caught Nano’s attention and he walked to me. I smiled at him warmly, I felt happy.

“Look, how many should we get?” I pointed at the pops, he seemed confused, “Akira gave us these and you ate nearly all of them, remember?” I watched as he picked the whole box up and I tittered. I had enough yen to buy the whole box, I didn’t object to his obscurity. I picked out something I liked, a few over processed sugary pastries rolls in cardboard boxes and as well as some general eating stuff. I was pleased to find this store was self-service checkouts only. I guessed it was a waste of money to man cashiers on this side of the city. I was just glad to not have to explain away 20 strawberry pops to some nosy regime sympathizer. We left, and Nano seemed a bit quicker in his steps. I wanted to be as easily satisfied as he was, to be happy about pops because they reminded me of my love’s beautiful face. We got back home, and I place the paper bag down, Nano looked at the back and then looked at me. I got one of the pops out of the bag and gave to him. I decided we should go on a walk, I had been trapped in this room for 4 days and I needed some exercise. “You want to walk around a bit?” he took my arm and we left once more.

Walking through these streets was no dream, well I suppose nightmares are dreams too. This landscape…I wished everyday Nano had never saved me that day. Not only was I surrounded by my brother’s life-sucking tyrannical netherworld, the one thing that made me happy had it made it clear I was temporary. Nano always knew this was happening, I liked to believe he couldn’t have done it without me. I knew this was wrong, he would have simply just found a different way to do it. No matter how brash or how much of a suicide mission it was, Nano would have found a way. I looked to him intensely sucking on his pop as headed towards a public garden. It was small and very few actual plants if you don’t count the grass. It had a fountain and some statues. This looked like something the local people had done, not Shiki. I estimated Shiki had not bothered to stop its development because it wasn’t worth his time. If the people of his regime wanted to waste money on garden statues and grass, so be it. As long as they weren’t being defiant.

 I was thinking about how I was going to help Nano dye his hair tonight. His dye job was almost totally gone now. I could see the golden silvers in his natural light brown hair. His skin awash with blue veins and his sharp European jawline looked like I might cut my own soft, slightly squarish on it, if I were to accidently touch faces with him in bed. His eyes looked at me with intensity and I turned away, suddenly embarrassed.

“Jesus Christ, will you ever not give me that look?” I heard a slightly wet sound as he pulled the strawberry pop of his mouth.

“What do you mean? Am I forbidden?” What was this talk…? Then it clicked, he must be feeling good. He only skips over the fluffy metaphors and cryptic codes when he is feeling something positive. Probably thinking about seeing Akira soon.

“No, I just wonder why you give me that same intense look.”

“Soft.” What? I gave him a confused looked, “It is soft.” He put the pop back in his mouth and nodded. Again, it took me a moment to figure it out. I was off the game today, usually I understood him without him even saying a word to me. He was saying the look was soft, he was trying to put me at ease. He finished the pop and I pulled out a tissue. There were no nearby trash bins, so I wrapped it up and put it my pocket. His salvia didn’t bother me. He was part of my very body now. I remembered this and suddenly I felt soft too, I looked at him with a slight smile,

“You know, I’m happy I get to share blood with you. I feel so much closer to you than I ever did to my ‘real’ brother, I’m glad our bond is physical too.” I put ‘real’ in air quotes. Whether or not I was born half of Shiki was irrelevant to me now. He was simply the villain now and it didn’t matter if he was biology related to me. This was an important step in my mental adornment of Nano, denouncing Shiki completely. Nano had given me the time and attention I always craved but never got.

“Do you really see Nicole as a gift?” Oh,

“It’s not about Nicole, it’s about the fact that it’s part of your essence that you let me have. I wouldn’t have cared what it was, as long as it was part of you.” I put my arm around his and my head on his shoulder.

“That is…very interesting…” Nano didn’t know what to do with me like usual. I think it was because with Akira it was all obvious, it was clearly romantic love and he had a basic understanding of that. With me, it was more complicated because it wasn’t romantic love and yet he still felt something for me. He didn’t understand platonic love because nobody had ever given it to him. I don’t know what motivated me right now, but for some reason I felt this was my last chance to get anything I wanted to say out. Soon our entire existences would be centered and consumed by Akira.

“You know you can love without romance, right?” He shifted in a way that told me he didn’t understand what I was talking about. “Here I’ll tell you...” I looked up, “I love you, but not in the kissing and hugging way, more like, spiritually. I care for you and like being around you, but I don’t want to have sex or nothin’.” I explained, and he examined me carefully before the response came,

“In that case…I suppose I may feel the same.” That flooded my chest with warmth and I purred like a kitten before leading us back home.

* * *

 

                              **Akira**

 I was agitated, and I was missing Nano. I was being prepped to be crowned, I didn’t want to be. I wanted see Nano, whenever Shiki touched me, I imagined it was his loving and soft touch instead. I looked at my horribly tacky all silver uniform with the long cape to match. When I walked it dragged behind me, and the little fat woman Shiki hired made sure it didn’t rip. I was hoping to see Nano out in the crowd. This backstage felt itchy; I wanted to go home and lounge nude until Shiki got bored of me and went away for a few weeks. I heard my name being announced over the crowd. There was a forceful silence as I got on the center stage. There were people all around me, their faces seemed blurry, the air looked and smelled like greyness. As I stand on the hard, yet ornate throne molded into the stone stage. I remember when Shiki had this stage made and he was crowned on it. It was out in the open, just outside of the city for people to come wish on. What did they wish for? I wish they were allowed to carve into the platform. As I sat on the throne, I tried to ignore the pain of the stone and looked around for Rin and Nano’s faces. They were the only ones not bowing or gawking at me with wonder. Suddenly I found myself slightly giddy. My loves were here, and I had a reason to not hate totally everything about this.

The ceremony began, and the words were muffled. No, they weren’t muffled, I wasn’t listening. I did not care what was happening. I realized that I had been so busy daydreaming about Rin and Nano that I had not noticed my husband was not here. I hadn’t noticed because I didn’t care. I didn’t want my husband, I wanted Nano. I was pulled back into reality by Shiki’s voice, ironically.

“Akira, husband.” He was holding my crown. My crown was made of silver and was modest. I had no jewels or excessive adornments on it, I was even boring with the pillow. It was a small and red, as plain as I could get. I made some swear that felt like my mouth was saying it, but I didn’t actually comprehend it. I was a machine in this moment, all but my eyes were made of cogs and steam. I was crowned, and the crowd roared to life, Rin blew me a kiss and I caught it with a my hands. Shiki thought I was gesturing to him, so he grabbed me by my waist and held me possessively. I don’t know exactly what happened next but everything was muffled once more. My head began to spin, I leaned on Shiki for support,

“What are you doing, husband?” He says, no concern in his voice. My eyes darted for Nano, when I made eye contact with him I felt myself centering. Nano drifted towards the stage as the crown began to thin and Rin gestured for me to take breaths. He was telling me there was no need for this anymore. The secret language, oh I understood some of it now. I watched Nano come towards us. I felt my husband’s annoyance, “Here comes someone.” Shiki said that like he intended to let go, but didn’t for some reason.  Nano lifted his hands up to me and everything went quiet as he spoke,

“May I receive my lord Akira’s blessings?” I looked up at Shiki and he was examining Nano,

“What makes you think you should receive the emperor’s touch?” He questioned, his face…he hadn’t made that deeply unnerved expression since the last time he saw Nano. I wondered what Rin was doing, “Why not receive mine first?” He pressed Nano, who then turned slowly to Rin who was damn near tap dancing he was so excited by all this.

“Because my lover wishes to touch you. We will perform a ceremony in which we exchange blessings later.” Rin had taught Nano to lie well, I was impressed. Rin held out his hands to Shiki, they looked so much alike in a that moment it was a bit unnerving. Rin flashed me a grin, before speaking to Shiki,

“Oh my, please Emperor Shiki! I have been in literal agony to receive your blessings!” His voice dripped of mockery, it was a fake cry of anguish. He was reveling in this, but Shiki, believed it. The madness was only deepening every moment. Shiki let go of me and I almost fell down. I straightened myself out and reached my hands down to touch Nano’s. the electricity of our polarized bloods shot tingled through me and brought me back to reality. I felt the crown nestled in my scalp, I saw the trash everywhere and I could smell my guards’ distaste for my husband. But most of all, I saw Nano, who was pulling me into him. I wiggled his hands a bit, telling him this was not the time. Feeling whole again. I looked to Shiki who made contact with Rin, they shared an intense gaze. Rin’s pure hatred came out in a grin that was silently challenging Shiki. Shiki’s response was to let go so hard it pushed Rin back a bit.   
“There, both of you, out of my sight.” Nano let go of me, I watched as he and Rin locked hands as they walked away. I looked over to find my husband making his way to his party. I found the anxiousness of wanting to get my dream team in my palace return.

* * *

 

   The great thing about being emperor was that nobody could question my decisions to fire people. That had been the easy part, now was the hard part, wading through a sea of morons with starry eyed visions of working for the emperors. I was sitting at my desk, doing a real poor job of faking amusement. When Rin finally came in, I sat up straight and he smiled at me. One of my guards then grabbed him,

“Don’t touch people without my permission, are you in the mood to be homeless?” I glared at the guard. He sneered, “Keep it up and see where I put you.” The guard yielded his bitchy-ness and Rin sat on the chair on the other side of the desk. He answered all my generic questions with glee, he almost seemed like that little blond I had mistaken for a cute girl all that time ago once more.

“Anything else to ask me, Rin?” Rin nodded and put his hands on my desk,

“Are you feeling well?” This was code for something and I struggled to figure out why,

“Yes, why? Is my health concerning?”

“Your old personal manager seemed like he was doing a bad job, every _nano_ meter of you seemed more tired than an Emperor should be. How could he let sweet _nano_ seconds pass by and not enjoy you, _savor you_? Your presence delights like _strawberry pops._ ” Oh, I finally got it, I needed to stop wasting time because every moment I spent on this idiocy was once less moment with Nano. Rin smiled, and I nodded,

“That is why he is gone, he couldn’t give me what I require.” I leaned forward, the guards judged us. I felt comfortable, I was dragging this on purpose. I was thinking of the next interviews I would have to go through. And then it occurred to me that I didn’t have to do anything. I kept forgetting I was a monarch with crushing authority. I decided I had created enough of a decoy, if anybody asked questions, I would simply get rid of them. I waved my hand and leaned my chair back “You’re hired, tell the others to be gone.”

“But Your Majesty-“I looked to the guard questioning me and glared, it was that same one that grabbed Rin.

“You’re such a fucking pain, go back to serving my husband, I’m sick of you questioning me. You can answer to Emperor Shiki.” He instantly got a panicked look on his face,

“No-no I can’t go back!” I straightened up,

“You can answer to Emperor Shiki about this, your nosiness and questioning of my power is out of hand. I have things to do, my husband is free, he might let you stand out at the gates if you’re lucky. But, given my husband’s violent tendencies, I doubt it.” I closed my eyes and pointed at the guard at the other side of me. “Follow him out, make sure he goes to Shiki and does not lie. If he lies, feel free to kill him.” I said like it was nothing and Rin looked mildly disturbed.

“Are you sure you are okay to be alone with this man?” The other guard spoke, okay now I was really annoyed. I looked at him,

“You fucking questioning my judgement? Does everybody need a fucking reminder I am the Emperor and you will do as I please without question. Everyone except my new assistant, leave before I have you all thrown to the wolves!” I pointed towards the tour and everyone except Rin shuffled out in shame, closing the door behind them. The moment they left I let out a deep breath and a took my hat off, running my hands over my face. “Sorry about that…”

“Wow, shit…” Rin relaxed,

“Yeah, I can be Emperor when I need to be.” I looked to him, “Is Nano okay?”

“Yes, he is well, but he is on edge. He really wants to see you again.” Of course, he did, who was I kidding? I wanted to see him too. I had tasted an ounce of love and now I was probably turning into an addict. When I touched him at the crowning, the desire to throw myself at him had increased tenfold. I stood and sat on my desk, close to Rin. “I saw those dumbasses in the hallway, you have desperate fucks wanting to crawl up that sweet ass of yours.” Rin laughed, I made a face, “Oh Akira, chill, the days when I would have been crawling all over you are gone.” He nodded, and I knew in that moment, Rin had really changed.

“Yes, I couldn’t sit through one more of those interviews…” I looked around the room and Rin must have read me,

“Nano isn’t with me, but he will be the next time you see me.” I was put at ease and I felt myself smiling a bit thinking about him again. Rin touched my leg and it felt so nice I was turned on a little. He smirked, he must have noticed it, “Oh I see, I still have some of my looks…” He squeezed my leg.

“Don’t be cocky, this is my palace.”

“And you’re my brother in law. And oh my, Akira, your citizens have made me cocky in a few ways.” He snickered as I sneered at the joke. I had never thought of Rin as my brother in law, but I guess that was the case. “How does it feel to be related to me?” He continued to jeer. I turned my ears and heard Shiki’s footsteps. I tapped Rin’s hand and began to talk business.

“You’ll be staying on the second floor, I will seat to it that you have the largest bedroom. You and your mate will be expected to act as one under my command.” Shiki’s footsteps stopped and I continued, “If you are unable to do something, your mate will be expected to do it instead. For instance, if you have lots of paperwork I need you to do, but I also need attendance of the courtyard troops, your mate will be expected to do that. In exchange for your devote service, you will be given everything you need, including a large room in my palace to live in. Your work will not just be paperwork however, this job includes tending to my needs while my beloved husband rules from afar.” I nodded at Rin, he understood exactly what this all meant. “The one thing you may never do is leave without my permission or speak of anything about my rule without my permission. If I assign you a task involving my husband, Emperor Shiki, you may never speak about it ever. There is no need to ask him, he will not approve of it.” Rin and I both braced at the door open, Shiki stood proud in the open doorway. I looked to him, Rin stood to bow before sitting back down. “What is it?” I genuinely wondered. Why did Shiki care about this?

“I was just listening to you be…much like the emperor I desire.” I was so not in the mood and I could tell from Rin’s cold, expressionless face he was not in the mood either.

“Is there anything you need?” I had to hide my urge to growl out those words. He was fucking annoying me. I apparently wasn’t very good at hiding it because,

“I don’t need anything but for you to fucking behave.” This was just like Shiki, fucking undermining me at every turn, no wonder I always got stuck with the ill-behaved guards. He looked to Rin, “Leave.” He commanded,

“No! I am fucking spelling out his job for him, your bullshit can wait.” Rin bowed his head to hide his smile. This sounded just like me from before, the real me. It was coming out in pieces. Shiki glared at me,

“Stop fucking confusing our subjects with your garbling. I may have married you but I will just as easily execute you.” I rolled my eyes and stood up,

“You won’t fucking dare, if you didn’t kill me back when you were II Re, you won’t do it now.” I stood up straight and called his bluff. He wouldn’t fucking do it. I had seen the coward underneath when Nano spoke to him and I would never forget it. He charged over to me and got in my face,

“Don’t ever fucking called me II Re again, small fry.” He commanded and everything about him was shrouded in darkness, Rin covered his face. He was feigning shock to hide the joy rolling off him. He was deeply amused by this. I proceeded to engage in a stare down with Shiki that made the room feel like ice and my heart race. He would not win! For the past year and half, he had fucking broke me time after time. The least he could fucking do was not cause a scene over minor shit. Shiki finally broke away, speaking in an almost embittered fashion, “You’ll make it up, tonight, before I take my month’s leave.” He left, slamming the door shut. Rin and both sighed in relief as his footsteps pounded faded away into the distance.

“He’s going for a month?” Rin asked, and I nodded, “Why?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.” I said dryly adjusting my paper work and straightening out my uniform. Well, I did have an idea of what he was doing. But I had only half-heartily listened to him when told me. He was going to be alone to think things over with the regime then go invade some island nations. Where he was going to do these things, I didn’t know. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t invading anywhere of note or that wasn’t already ravished by its own deep socioeconomic problems. China and Russia had taken note of the changes in Japan, but much like the situation in North Korea, there was no real attempt to stop it. The truth was, as long as we weren’t causing problems in ‘big ticket’ countries like China, nobody seemed to care. “You’ll start tomorrow, don’t worry about bring anything but Nano.”

* * *

 

                                          **Nano**

 I was pleased when Rin returned to tell me Akira wishes to have me. I missed him, this time with Rin had made me think about the meaning of the word ‘love’. Rin had told me you could ‘love’ without ‘romance’. If that was true…did I love Rin? If so, what did that mean for me? Akira had been so angry when dear friend and I fought, I did not understand why. I obeyed his wishes and forgave Rin. Rin was so emotional, it sometimes was bothersome. He was deeply passionate about things, I wondered why he even liked me. I had not given Rin much thought. He was just something that was there and was helping me. I wanted to ask him about himself, I felt I knew not the insides of him well. So many things I had not bothered with, I worried that if I could not learn to know Rin, my relationship with Akira might suffer. I touched my freshly dyed hair and wondered if it was over kill. I looked over to Rin, who was still sleeping even though we were supposed to move into the palace soon. I felt the time slipping and made the decision to wake Rin. I moved over to him and touched his face. He slowly fluttered to life and looked at me,

“What is it?” His voice was soft, I had taken note it was only soft when he addressed me. He smiled at me, realizing the time. He stood up and I moved out of the way as he brushed his teeth and hair. He then turned to me, “I am surprised you didn’t just bolt without me.” He treated that like it was joke but I knew he was serious. He changed into the last fresh set of clothes he had, I did not look at his naked form. “Are you excited?” he asked, and I did not really understand what he meant. “You know, excited, like you really want to go live with Akira.” Oh.

“I suppose but it is not satisfactory.” I wanted to go see Akira but being under Shiki’s eyes all the time would take a toll on me. I did not blame Rin for this.

“I understand, try to not let it get to you. You are still in control.” He approached me, and his eyes were sad once more, he pushed our foreheads together. This was a nice day, why was he so turbulent? I nudged him, and he sighed. It appears as though he was still strung up on the ordeal from Akira’s fortress. He was afraid of losing me, that was what Akira had said. Or had he? For some reason the details were not totally clear. Akira told me to let him know his value. I was downplaying his existence, never before I had seen someone endear so much from me and not bat an eye. Was this the love he was talking about? I struggled with these thoughts. He kissed my cheek and I did not think a lot about it, “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

 There was a cat following us, that same brown and white cat from before. I became distracted by its beauty and began to pet it for some time. Rin pulled me away and the cat trailed behind us until we got to the palace. It was at this point the cat growled and ran away from the gates, it knew what I knew. I was holding hands with Rin, I did not feel like doing so, but he reminded me it was a ruse. We had to convince the fool that his compost marriage was very much not be invaded by me. When we arrived, Akira was on the doorsteps standing and my share strength with Rin briefly struggled between our clasped hands because I had the urge to run to him. I appreciated this part of Rin. He experienced every emotion one might imagine, and he helped me keep my overwhelming urges at bay. I came to conclusion that I was not so displeased holding his hand after all.

“Welcome!” Akira announced, his guards tensing, and we walked up to him. I could feel his energy, I wished to be close to his warmth. Akira, almost without thought, offered his hand to me, I grabbed it. Rin did not let go. My excitement of holding hands with both Rin and Akira was soon washed away when I heard Shiki coming from the staircase inside. I let go, Akira turned to him. I felt Rin tense around my hand, “At ease.” Akira commanded. Shiki appeared and stared down at us. “My assistants are here.”

“You did not tell me you hired these two.”

“It was troublesome to separate them, besides, two can do more.” Shiki leaned in and gazed at me, the urge to rip his throat out was almost too hard to resist. I never thought I hate someone again after what Emma did to me, but right now…I understood that I hated Shiki. Just like Rin had taught me. I could ignore my lesser emotions but things like love and hate, I no longer ignored them. Rin told me not to, taught me how to…” Touma and Aoto are helpful, they will be valuable to us.” Shiki grinned and face Akira,

“You didn’t tell me they are for me too, how thoughtful of you, husband.” The trade-off, I would be forced to serve Shiki if it meant throwing him off my scent. I had never been so secretive for a matter of love before. “Are they still a couple? Oh Akira, you’re still as soft as ever, you can’t even bear to see lovers pulled apart.” Shiki was being strange and by strange, I mean annoying me more than usual. He turned back to us, “Unfortunately, I cannot grace you today, I must finish getting ready to take my leave.” He disappeared once more and Akira spoke,

“No one may follow us. Break the rules and I’ll set you to the wolves.” They all bowed their heads, even the ones inside as Akira’s voice echoed off the walls. We followed him up the second floor of the palace and once we were alone, I broke free of Rin and latched to Akira. I was going fast just like before and I thought it was okay because Rin didn’t stop me. “Nano…” Akira spoke quietly pushing on me to get away. I was not amused by this. “A few more minutes.” I let go and we continued to the room at the very end of the hallway. Akira opened it and it looked very similar to that awful room in the fortress were Shiki had possessed him. The extra door to the bathroom was the main exception. I looked at Rin who was staring at Akira,

“What is this serving Shiki business about?”

“Did you fucking think he would let me have assistants that didn’t benefit him in some way? Get out of the clouds, he is a dictator.” The talking ended like that, there was nothing more to say on the matter. Rin was merely fighting with reality at this point. Rin sat on the bed, dejected. I wanted nothing more than for Akira to pay attention to me. He must have noticed because as he was speaking to Rin about clothes and personal hygiene, he stopped and looked to me. “Tonight, I promise.” The vagueness was comforting for some reason. Once Rin and Akira were done, he came back to me with a weary look, “Come on, Shiki will expect us to see him out.” It was Rin who moved my stone feet.

* * *

 

 Akira kept his promise and came into our room after dinner. I had watched him dismiss all his guards to the quarters in the backyard. When he came in, he was stripped of his military garb and was now dressed plainly. The clothes did not do a great job of hiding his figure and I was not complaining about it. He drew the curtains to our window facing the garden maze to the right of the house. He spoke to Rin first,

“There is work upstairs for you.” He tossed Rin a set of keys, “It’s the same room the interviews took place in.” Rin nodded, touching me on the head before leaving, closing the door quietly. Rin did not have to be that way, there was nobody in this palace but the 3 of us. Akira sat on the bed besides me and fidgeted, his eyes down at the floor.

“I know I said it before…but I missed you. I was going insane with guilt over you and Rin. Especially over you though, I didn’t realize how much it would have hurt to never see you again until I started hallucinating about you.” He was getting slightly emotional again over something he did not need to worry about anymore. He really was nothing like Emma, he felt genuine remorse over me. I pulled him into my arms tightly, he made a cute noise in surprise, but put his arms around me back. This lasted for a few minutes before he spoke again, “Can we lay on the bed? For comfort.” I dare not object and I laid down on the bed. He looked at my lounging pose though it was meant for him. When he did not come to me I pulled on him,

“…” He fell to bed and put my arm around him. He curled into me and put his head next to mine. I stared at him intensely, his blue eyes were struggling to relax. I did not know how to comfort him, he put his face in my neck with uncertainty. I decided time was the only thing I could give him.


	7. Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira is bratty and Nano begins to learn to deal with even the bad parts of his boyfriend's personality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to SonicoSenpai for editing! There should be less mistakes now.

 

 

                                                                                                                     **Akira**

I was nervous; not in the sense that I felt fear, but like a school girl passing notes. Rin and Nano were on the bottom floor, making sure breakfast was being prepared for me. I was still in bed, and they simply just came in. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the kitchen staff, so I sent them to do it. Nano had looked good in his military staffing uniform, Rin had looked distraught. He was sleeping on edge, I could tell. But that wasn’t really necessary given that he was a Nicole carrier, and Shiki took all of the guards who favored him with him when he left a few days ago. I stood up, brushed my teeth and took a shower. I really did not want to put on my uniform. But I knew one of Shiki’s shills would surely rat me out for ‘not being a commanding presence’ if he even gave one of them so much as a stern look when questioned. I pulled on my uniform, running a towel and a comb through my hair. It was still a bit damp, but it was the morning, so my officials would excuse it. I walked into the main hall quietly, holding my hat instead of wearing it. I descended down the staircase and turned into the dining hall. There was nothing ready and I knew why: it was because the fucking staff wasn’t taking my assistants seriously. I was already feeling annoyed.

I pushed open the swinging doors into the white and silver polished kitchen. There was chaos. People were bowing as they ran past me. I didn’t see Nano or Rin right away, but I soon Rin came into view. The kitchen staff was arguing with Rin. I stepped between them, making the sous chef cower immediately. I glared, but my voice was calm and cool.

“What seems to be the problem?”

The sous chef began to babble but I cut him off.

“Having trouble respecting my will? My will carried out by these two creatures, whom I deem worthy fit to sit at my feet, isn't enough for you to listen to your Emperor?”

I sounded like Shiki and I hid the fact it felt yucky. The sous chef tried to touch my hand to beg for forgiveness, but I snatched it away.

“Do as you're told and I’ll consider not telling Emperor Shiki.”

He ran away, and I turned to my friends.

“Come and sit with me.”

They followed back into the dining hall. Nano sat on my left and Rin on my right at the royal table. The guards stood aloof as the butler came in and served us. Rice omelets and fruit sure seemed like nothing for all the trouble in the kitchen. Rin was not amused by the silver platters and I didn’t expect him to be. We ate in silence and I stood, putting my napkin down and adjusting my hat while placing it on my head. Nano and Rin awaited my command, I lifted my hand.

“Touma, Aoto, come with me. No guards may follow.”

I led them outside to the garden maze gates, I could not ignore the glum cloud that the statue of Shiki and I cast. I pulled out the ornate key and clicked the lock open. The gates creaked open as I pushed it. The guards at the front gate gave Rin a judgmental stare, though they should have known I only wished for someone to relieve me, not be my slave. I marched into the outer part of the maze and all the way around until we reached a bench on the other side, where I was sure no one would overhear us. The gardeners only came twice weekly and this was not one of their days. I sat down and slumped, taking my hat off and breathing heavily. It was humid,  probably would rain later. Either way, it was making me feel hot in my outfit.

“How do you do this every day?” Rin asked. “Even just managing your staff for an uneventful day is draining.”

“I don’t. Usually, this bullshit is what Shiki loves to do. He does all the micromanaging and barking around. I deal with the more complicated matters: namely making sure this country doesn’t starve to death and that all the cogs of the government are running smoothly.”

This was, however, a price worth paying if I could bond with Nano. Usually, I was up in my office dealing with papers—stuff about food shipments, the printing of yens, dealing with export and import taxes—the boring shit that was basically a bunch of letter writing and confirmation calls. I much preferred to this to Shiki’s duties, but since he was away, I must be the all-encompassing Emperor. I began to realize our marriage worked from a political standpoint, and we were functional as co-Emperors, but nothing more. I was spooked by a feather-light touch, and when I saw Nano had silently sat beside me, Shiki evaporated in my mind’s eye.

“Hi.” I said, and it didn’t make sense. Nano was leaning in for a kiss and I remembered Rin. I felt bad doing this in front of Rin, he didn’t deserve to be made a 3rd wheel. “Rin.” Nano stopped and I could almost feel frustration off him. I looked at Rin. “You can do whatever you want without consequence here.” He uncrossed his arms and stood defensively. “I mean I feel bad doing this in front of you. You aren’t required to stay here.” I don’t even know why I let him come out here with us, to begin with.

“Whatever.” He mumbled and walked out, he stopped, looked at Nano and continued walking. He said something bitter just then, but I dare not ask what. Then it occurred to me, they had a whole conversation while I thought about Shiki. I was missing so much. Nano seemed unbothered and leaned in to kiss me. I didn’t stop his hands from cupping my jaw or his scent from burying reality. He kissed me hard, pushing his tongue into my mouth and trying to swallow me whole. I grabbed onto his shirt and let him push me back on the bench. My head hit sort of hard, but his kissing made me forget about the mild pain quickly. It was becoming so intense he thrusts his hips against mine and it gave me an erection. He began to kiss down my neck and when I looked up into the greying sky for air, I knew it was not the time. I stopped him from going further, he tried to ignore me in his unfiltered eagerness. He was attempting to get into my shirt. I pushed on him aggressively until I heard what sounded like a groan.

“Not now.” He hovered over me, his eyes purple with emotion, he was going a mile a minute, and it was my fault. I had given this crazy horse too much fruit and now was preventing it from running. His eyes asked the question: then when?  Not now, that was for sure. Not in the middle of the day. I killed my feelings by thinking about Shiki again. Nano took no for an answer and got off me. I stood up and fixed my clothes. Nano grabbed my hand, I suddenly annoyed and didn’t know why. I yanked my hand away and he made a faint sound. I was tired of this silence. If I wanted to be used as a toy and given the silent treatment, I’d run back into the arms of my husband. I sighed and began to walk away, Nano followed me and tried to touch my hand again. I turned to him, repeating, “Not now.” His face seemed to faintly curl with sadness. “Have you no manners?” What was I doing? I felt I was watching myself. He finally spoke,

“Where is Rin?” he asked.

“What? Why?” I wondered.

“Where is Rin? I want to be with Rin,” he asked again, more sternly.

“He’s in my office,” I answered, and Nano dashed past me. The guards dared not question why I left the maze alone.

 

* * *

 

 

                                                                                                                                **Rin**

Nano came into the office looking a little sad and I was instantly angry about it. I knew Akira’s dumbass had said some stupid shit. There was a small couch to my left and Nano laid down on it with his back facing out. I figured when he was ready to talk, he would. I was a bit flattered to still be the one he came to when he was upset about something. I silently went back to stamping Akira’s signature on food shipments and confirming educational development grants. When I was done, I began the task of putting it all in envelopes and stamping all the labeling. I finally put everything all in the out basket and launched it down the shoot for the ground guards to deliver. I was about to start filing all the personal copies when Nano finally stirred. I turned to him and asked,

“What did he say?”

Nano was hesitant.

“He needs no words to hurt.”

I glared.

“What did he do or say?” I pressed. Nano gave me a look he’d never given me before: desperation. He looked at me like he was trying to tell me something, but he couldn’t convey it right. He was gesturing, channeling to me, trying to communicate. This bridge, it needed to be gapped. “Nano…” I got on my knees and made eye contact, “There is no need for this, you can just tell me out loud.”

There was a pregnant pause before his lips parted once more. “He… believes his part… I… am a peasant.”

I felt my heart hurt. Of course, I was dumb. Akira wasn’t going to easily shake this emperor shit. I was too caught up in the romance of it.

“I’ll take care of it,” I said with conviction, I stood and turned, then Nano grabbed my hand. His eyes plead, begging me not to leave. “What do you need right now?” I squeaked in surprise as he pulled me down to sit in front of him. Our hands were clasped tight as my ass hit the ground with a thud. “Jesus Christ, warn me.”

He held onto my hand a bit more tightly as he closed his eyes. I was sitting there, time crawling as my head rolled back into the couch cushion. Unknown minutes passed before I heard the door creak. I looked up to see Akira, who came like a pebble rolling across the floor. I glared at him and the sleeping Nano didn’t even notice him. He didn’t acknowledge us. Instead, he went to his desk and got his cell phone out of the drawer. Then he left. I gently picked our fingers apart like flower petals. Nano stirred.

“Akira was just here, I have to follow him,” I said quietly, before creeping after Akira. What I heard when I cracked open the door made me want to disembowel him.

“Yes, I’ve known you only been gone a few days but…. yeah, yeah…” Akira was touching his own face, the brim of his hat partially obscuring his expressions. “Shiki, please…” I could feel the rage boiling inside of me. “You know… Shiki...” Akira’s voice was suddenly soft. “I have been distant, bring me back.” I swung the door open and stood in the middle of the hallway, clenching my fists. Akira finally acknowledged me, “That was just a guard coming out.” He turned away again, “Yeah, I get it. Goodbye.” He turned back, and I cut him off.

“Just who the fuck you think you are?” I charged towards him, making sure I loomed over him. “You hurt Nano and now you are slobbering all over Shiki’s dick again?”

“I was fucking buying more time.” He made eye contact with me. “I didn’t hurt Nano. The man can’t be that easy to offend.” Right after he said that he made a face knowing it was an incredibly dumb thing to say.

“You’re a false emperor. If it weren’t for our deaths, you wouldn’t be in power. Your spoiled brat shit is annoying! Love is give and take. I won’t let you endlessly take from Nano, even though I am sure he himself would let you. However, if you think I will just let it happen, or that I’m afraid of Shiki to the point where I won’t seriously hurt you, you are wrong!” I growled those words. I wasn’t afraid of dying by Shiki’s wrath, for I was now his equal. Akira looked down in shame, the air of false confidence dissolved. The silence was pregnant and when Akira finally spoke again, I was pleased to hear it.

“I’m sorry, okay? My nerves got the better of me. I am wrong. Please believe me, I was just appeasing Shiki…I don’t know what came over me, it won’t happen again.” I sighed as my frustration waned slowly and I let my shoulders relax. Akira looked back up at me with sadness on his face. “I should have just told him we have to wait until the evening instead of being a jerk…” I shook my head in annoyance.

“Don’t fucking beg me, Akira, beg him.” I tilted my chin toward the door to his office. I was Nano’s pitiful guard dog, admittedly, but Akira’s constant roundabouts were getting mentally exhausting. He just needed to fucking stop. I followed him inside, finding Nano gone. Panic ran over Akira’s face,

“Where is he?!” he yelled, I laughed bitterly,

“Far away from you.” I left.

 

* * *

 

 

                                                                                                                          **Akira**

Shiki was trying to use phone sex to dominate me, but I was focused on other matters. Nano had been gone for three days. I stared at the setting sun as Shiki ran his mouth. I was worried about him. My god, I really fucked up. Rin was right, despite his overbearing behavior, I am not anyone special. I hid the papers for Rin’s funeral arrangements from him. He didn’t need to deal with that, the bloody marks staining my personal papers were enough of a sign. As Shiki ended the call, I shuffled myself together and announced over the intercom all guards were dismissed to their quarters. I listened quietly as my palace emptied. I wondered if Rin knew where Nano went and had yet to tell me as punishment. I realized that Rin’s dedication wouldn’t have allowed that. I went to my room and slipped into my grey satin pajamas, brushing my teeth as well. I laid down and went to sleep.

I had a dream: I was standing in my royal garbs with millions of adorers. They all touched me with their greedy hands, all wanting bits of my body. As they attempted to rip the clothes from me and snatched at me, I heard glass break. Everything cracked apart and my garb turned to a fluffy hooded jacket, orange shirt, and beat up pants. My tag swung from my neck and the image of the clearing in Igura gripped me. There was the sound of rain and I heard a groan. I looked down to see Rin’s half dead body crawling to Nano’s. His horrified, mangled expression, his torn clothes and bloody flesh…my god, this is the moment. It seemed to go on forever before Nano looked over at Rin, touching his face so lightly and a bolt of electricity was sent through me.

I woke up panting, my heart racing. There was only me in the darkness. I got up from the bed and opened the curtains. I looked over the landscape. My heart throbbed with deep worry. The moon touched my hands and suddenly the answer was obvious. I turned, put on my shoes, grabbed my keys, and made my way down the dark hallways, creeping down the staircase. I opened the panel hidden behind one of the steps of the staircase. I shut the outside cameras and alerts off. With that, into the silent night, I went. I opened the gates to the road and started walking. I didn’t know where he was, but wherever he was, I couldn’t just leave him there like before. It’s very well possible he could have gotten lost.

My foot steps against the cobbled stone and the faint rattled of my keys were the only noises I could hear. I didn’t care if this took all night, I would find him and bring him back to me. I have feelings for him, or at least, I think I do, enough to risk everything right now. My bratty behavior was garbage and I should have never have done it. He did nothing wrong. I made my way down to the outskirts of the city, creeping along the hollows of dead streets. He was nowhere, and the sleepiness was starting to come back. I was fighting it by imagining the joy I would feel when I found him. Time was moving slowly, and I was glad. I entered a building under construction and heard soft footsteps inside. The half done tacks and protruding beams were skeletal, yet the owner of the steps still evaded me. There was a few minutes of this hide and seek before I softly called out his name.

“Nano.”

My voice bounced off the emptiness of the buildings around me. The footsteps stopped, and I finally saw him above me. He was on a half-finished balcony. I looked up at him and called for him, “Nano, I’ve come here for you.”

He still didn’t pay me mind, so I called again in a whisper yell.

“I want to talk to you, I’m sorry for my behavior.”

I waited for a moment before I watched him jumped off the shaky beams and hit the ground with a force that left a dent. When he stood up he almost took my breath away. His faint, ghostly pale skin seemed to glow under the moon, his intense purple eyes that burrowed in my soul, the curls of his darkly dyed haired were so perfectly messy… My stare couldn’t be helped as he walked to me carefully. He stood in front of me as we exchanged stares.

“Do you mean it?” he asked.

“I do.” I left myself melt away a bit as he reached over and touched my cheek. I pushed my cheek into his hand and closed my eyes, feeling my connection to him. I felt his hand fall away and it was immediately replaced by his arms around me. I leaned into his chest as I returned the gesture. I dared not speak, for fearing of ruining the moment. It was he who broke the spell.

“You came all this way for me.” I looked up at him.

“Yes. I wanted to find you. I was worried, and I missed you.” It felt weird to be so open about my feelings. I was usually never this way. But he needed to know, in case we… no, I can’t think about that right now. I can’t imagine my heart again…. Nano kissed me, and I returned it, slow and deep. Our romance ended as a chill ran through me and the sleepiness washed over. “Nano, we need to go home.” I took his hand and began to lead him back. My feet were dragging, I was so fucking tired. Nano suddenly stopped and looked at me.

“Ride me.” What? I rubbed my eyes.

“What did you say?” The next thing I knew he was kneeling down in front of me, his back to me, I was appalled. “What? No, I’m heavy.” He looked back at me.

“I can assure your safety.” Oh yeah, he was Nicole Premier, how could I forget something like that? God, I really was tired. I lowered myself onto his back, my arms around his neck and felt surprise as he lifted my legs up to support them around his waist. I put my head down and closed my eyes once more. I felt the night air rush past me and time seemed to fly. We arrived back at the gates, I slowly dismounted him and locked the doors behind us. When we went into the building, where I turned on the security cams one more. I dragged myself up the stairs and he again surprised me as he swept me off my feet and carried me bridal style. It didn’t feel anything like Shiki. He got me to my room, he took my shoes off for me and laid me in my bed. He made his move to leave but I stopped him.

“Stay with me,” I said faintly. He turned. “Lay with me.” He climbed into bed next to me and cuddled my body. It was gentle, but his hands felt like they had a good grip. I felt his nose in my hair as I fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

When I woke up, Nano’s hands were still tight around me. I had to pee, and my breath tasted like garbage. I nudged him awake, he planted a kiss on my cheek.

“I need to use the bathroom.” He let go of me and I ran into the bathroom. He followed me in there as I was brushing my teeth, I said, “Go brush your teeth, too. You can come right back.” He did as he was told and was back in a matter of minutes. I sat on my bed and stared my feet. It was surely afternoon. I was sure my staff was thrilled. I hoped Rin directed them for me. Nano sat beside me silently and when I looked up, he was closer than I expected. It made me jump.

“Why are you afraid?” he asked delicately.

“Oh, no. You just surprised me.” We made eye contact and I could see my own reflection. He leaned in a kissed me and it felt innocent for some reason. I heard a sound outside of the door. “Who is it?” I called.

“Me,” Rin’s voice chimed, and he peeked in, “When are you going to be ready? You have some townspeople here waiting.” Oh, fuck, that was right, people wanted to meet me and receive blessings from me. I looked at Rin.

“Yes, give me a few minutes.” I looked at Nano and then back at Rin. “Help him?” Rin considered my request. Nano and Rin stared at each other before Nano got up and left with him. I stripped myself and put on my uniform. I powdered my face with the same clear stuff Shiki uses. I put my hat and gloves and spritz myself in my cologne. I must have taken a while because when I exited my room, Rin and Nano were waiting for my orders. Nano was showered and freshly clothed. He smelled nice. I resist the urge to kiss him. “Follow me.” I went to the fifth door from my room and opened it to reveal a diagonal staircase surrounded in darkness. I began to walk down it to the door on the other side.

“Jesus Christ, Akira, what kind of maze is this place?” Rin said flabbergasted.

“A necessary one,” I answered. Many people wanted to know Shiki, more specifically, wanted his blood. I put my key in the door knob and every sound it made bounced deep into the darkness of the passage below. When I opened it, I revealed my throne room.

This throne room had black, scattered marble for flooring. An extravagant chandelier of pure rubies hung from the ceiling. There were no windows, but there was a statue of me on the left wall and a statue of Shiki on the right. There was were two separate paintings of us hanging above. Two coats of arms flags hung over the wooden tables on either side of the main doors to the room. Upon the flags and tables were vases with fake red roses. A velvet red carpet imprinted with a baroque pattern rolled up to the thrones themselves. Shiki’s was more ornate, it was tall and shiny black with red cushioning. The design itself was made to look like two dragons were wrapping their bodies up to the top of the head rest. Mine was a bit different, it was smaller. It was black too, but the cushions were light grey. My design was a simple one with some minor details on the legs and arms. Next to the lifted floor where my throne is was a small, plain dark green chair with cushions. Shiki had the same thing. I looked at Rin who was blown away by the sheer grandiosity of it all. Nano seemed unaffected. I imagined he might say something about ego.

“You have two options: one of you can sit beside me and the other one besides Shiki’s throne or one or both of you can sit looking submissive at my feet.” Rin gave a sour face. “It’s just for show.” I clarified. I didn’t have time to worry about it. I opened the door to the throne room and notified the guard standing outside that it was time. I took my throne. Nano decided to sit at my feet. He was good at it, too, kneeling with his face close to my legs. He didn’t make eye contact with anyone who approached me. He was silent, but Rin wasn’t. His fake cheer made many of my guests’ giggle. Men and women stared at me with small brained wonder and some men made clear their lust for Rin.

“Emperor, is your boy by available?” Rin and I both turned to the lower class solider in his uniform.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Is your boy available, that one?” He was keeping his head down, clenching his hat hard, he nodded his chin towards Rin.

“That is a weird thing to ask of me,” I replied and looked at Rin, who put his hands together and smiled at the young man.

“Oh my, what do you mean?” Rin’s sickeningly sweet tone made the man blush. He was totally convinced by the act. He avoided eye contact.

“Emperor do you mind if I speak to him…?” He almost stuttered,

“If he wants to, but you must say it front of me, right here.” The man turned to Rin and finally looked up to reveal a moderately attractive face. The man spoke to Rin kindly.

“I want to be your friend!” Rin lightly blushed, Nano touched my hand lightly before returning to his kneeling. I was awaiting his answer.

“Yes, but only if the Emperor allows me free time.” I didn’t know exactly how to approach this. But everyone was looking to me.

“What is your name?” I asked the young man.

“My name is Reo, I’m just a regular combat soldier, but I still love feeling like I’m serving you!” He was coming out of his nervousness slowly.

“Touma is my personal assistant, as you may know. His job is important to our nation, to my health. I ask, what do you plan to do with him?”

Reo smiled.

“Well, I want to get to know him… As a friend!” He seemed excited, hopeful for my approval. Rin giggled. “I do not wish to take him from you for long, as I value your wellbeing, Emperor!” I had to think about this, I had to think of how Shiki might find himself upset.

“You understand that when my husband returns he can make any decision I declare null?” Reo nodded,

“Yes… if Emperor Shiki disapproves, I will not pursue Touma any longer.” That didn’t clear my mind enough. The truth is, I would be the one to deal with the majority of shit if Shiki got pissed about my assistants. I looked down at Nano, who had closed his eyes for some reason. I remembered he and Rin were pretending to be lovers. That’s when Reo suddenly got too big for his britches.

“Oh, I see… I would have never have guessed but most high class marriages are like that.” He winked at me and I glared, I felt anger. My love life was none of this fucking commoner’s business.

“I love my husband! How fucking dare you even imply that shit in my throne room!” I stood from my throne. “That is Touma’s lover on the floor! You have a lot of nerve coming in this room and asking me for favors then insulting my marriage!” Reo trembled as my voice boomed. “I would never cheat on Shiki! Get the fuck out of my room! Guards, haul him away and no more guests! Everyone except my assistants, out!” I yelled, and everybody scrambled to get away from me. I could hear my heart in my ears and I put my face in my hands as the door locked. I collapsed back on my throne as my soul returned to my body. Nano remained kneeling, only changing so that he was now in front of me. Although it was no longer being needed. My body hung like a doll over my seat as I quietly said, “I would never cheat on Shiki… I’m a good person…”

Nano put his arm around my left leg and his cheek to my thigh.


	8. Coronation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin recollects his wits. Nano and Akira finally have sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah the moment I've been craving, enjoy.

                                        **Rin**

I could tell by the way the papers were placed Akira had been attempting to hide them from me. I don’t know why I thought it was funny. A funeral—for me? Shiki must have really been aimless in life. He wanted all types of bullshit. Even a mock coffin for me, despite the lack of a body. This was a blessing in disguise, however. If I was issued an official death certificate, my cover would be less easily blown, and the world would know he has a brother. I was sure that would be the shocking part. Oh, if Mother could see us now!  

Akira was out with the troops in the next field over, so it was just me keeping things together today. Akira had been kind enough to send most of what he called the “needy staff” home early. I looked through the papers, nothing interesting, as usual. Nano was out monitoring the gardeners; he liked plants a lot, so I told him to make sure everything was beautiful. The day was slow without Akira around. I was getting good at the paperwork, so everything was done quickly. Some of the files Akira had were interesting, but the novelty wore thin: human experimentation, reactions such as failure and killing the subject; rinse and repeat until you leave because your husband is an idiot. I wondered what was in Shiki’s office; shit, I don’t even think I knew where that was. Akira hadn’t mentioned it. I thought about it for a moment before deciding to rummage through Akira’s things to see if he had a key. I was sure the key would be easily identifiable. I looked through all the drawers in his desk and tried the bookshelves. There was nothing under the carpet or behind the painting either. I was about ready to forget the idea altogether when I noticed a shine on Akira’s desk. 

Pulling on the tiny gold bulb didn’t work, so I twisted it. It came open with a soft click. It was a small secret storage space. Inside were a few keys, so I had to guess which one was the right one. As I was thinking of which to choose, the door creaked open, making my heart leap. I looked up to see Nano staring at me. I smiled at him after realizing my foolishness, 

“Hello, can you help me?” I asked, after watching him close the door behind him and standing next to me. 

“With what?” he asked softly. 

“Which key do you think is for Shiki’s office?” I made eye contact with him and he sent me a message instantly without words.  _Bad idea. You might see something you never wanted to see._ I responded in the same wordless way:  _I know the risks but I’m not worried._  He gave up his power to sway me instantly. He examined all of the keys before he picked one. I accepted it, knowing the guy wasn’t supernatural in this way, but he was better at understanding the nature of these things. I trusted him and stood. We left the room, the door closing softly behind us. 

“Which room do you think is his?” I asked. 

“It is not on this floor,” Nano said. “Above. He always puts himself artificially above.” He was right. His desk was above us. I knew we were technically prohibited from going up there, but I was almost positive Akira wouldn’t get angry. We took the stairs to the next floor. We scrutinized each room. When I was tempted to pick one, Nano stopped my hand and said, “Higher.” 

The next floor, it happened again, until we reached the 6th floor. I picked a door, but I noticed Nano pressing his hands against another, “His essence is here. This is the room we seek.” 

I put the key in the knob and watched as it clicked open. Nano really was the master of intuition. I needed to stop questioning his abilities. 

The room was almost entirely black except for the pattern on the carpet and red accents. The darkness of room hit me like a ton of bricks; not because of the darkness, but because of Shiki’s energy. I realized why I had felt so safe in Akira’s space. Akira was  _human_ , a chaotic good, the polar opposite of Shiki, the chaotic evil. I looked around in awe. Nano was touching things but causing no disturbance. There was little of note here. I was becoming disappointed, and that’s when Nano suddenly opened a drawer.

“Nano, come on, there is nothing here we didn’t already know about.” 

His eyes were glued to a file folder, however. I walked over to him. 

“Nano…come on, we should go before Akira realizes we’re here.” When I looked down at the file, I saw why he was so focused on it. In bold letters, it read: 

_**Nicole Premier.** _

My eyes widened. How did Shiki get ahold of the old Project Nicole files? I thought those would have been destroyed long ago. The file was thick, a documentation of Nano’s torture. He was reading it, his eyes flooded with purple. 

“Oh my god… Nano, put it down,” I said, trying to coax him to give up a weapon. His real name was in the file—he never told me what it was, and now I knew. To me, he was still Nano. I put my hands on his shoulders. “Nano, please, you don’t need to relive—”

“I know why Akira wants me here.” 

I shook my head. Those words, his tone of voice. He sounded so human, and for an instant, he wasn’t Nano at all. He was Nano in a sterile lab, Nano plugged into machines… the image of him on the file was vile. The look was one of pure agony—his hair was cropped short, totally stripped of everything—I didn’t recognize him. That’s because this  _wasn’t_  him, not anymore. I spoke to him again.

“This is not you, Nano. This is not the Nano I know, not the Nano I care about.” 

He was still reading the file and I needed him to stop. 

“Nano!” I yelled, smacking the file down on the desk and he turned to me. His sadness was not hidden, even a little bit. “That is  _not_  you! You’re not this person anymore!” He put his hands on either side of his head and tried to recollect. He then smacked me so hard I caught myself on Shiki’s desk. 

“Do not touch me,” he commanded, and I began to cry. 

 _Why?_  I thought as I wept. I wanted Akira now, too. I had to ‘fess up if I wanted Akira to save me. I could feel Nano becoming a monster I couldn’t control. His anger, his hurt… it was all about to pour down on me. I reached over to Shiki’s desktop phone and I felt Nano’s hand crush my face into the desk. It hurt so much I thought my nose had broken for a second. Oh god, Akira! 

“Nano…please…” I whined. 

“Stop,” He said icily, “Stop.” 

I had no choice, now. 

“Akira!!!” I gave a muffled scream. “Akira!!!” Nano stepped on my leg to keep me from moving. The pain was now spreading through my body. “Akira!!!” 

“Stop. This what you wanted. You and your brother,” he hissed. This wasn’t Nano. 

 _Nano doesn’t treat me this way. Nano doesn’t hurt me._  Who was this person? He wasn’t Nano, 

“Akira!!!” I screamed again. 

“You wanted this, right? Wanted me?” These words, they weren’t for me. Right now, I was someone else. I wasn’t Rin who takes care of him. I wasn’t Rin who helped get him what he wants in life. I wasn’t Rin who chose to stay loyal even when all the world was against me and it would have been easier to surrender. I was someone who had hurt him, and I was going to pay. Calling Akira was proving useless. I had to use my own wits to get myself out this mess, 

“Nano,  _you_  gave me Nicole because you wanted me to live.  _You_  chose  _me,_ ” I whimpered. He  _did_  choose me. I thought he picked me because he loved me like I was part of himself, the same way I loved him. Right now, I was afraid of him. Even now I still just wanted to make it better for him. “Nano, please I beg of you, this  _isn’t_  you. Whatever was inside you the day you found my mangled body beside yours, find it in yourself again. Remember how we are bonded. You said it yourself, I understand you like no one else does.” I begged. 

I was pouring my heart out, begging for my life. No, that wasn’t quite right. I was begging for  _Nano’s_  life. The pain and weeping made waves throughout my body. I was helpless before him, even though I could take him… I was unable to, it didn’t matter if I was infected with Nicole. I would never hurt him. I refused to. I waited a short eternity before Nano got off me. I gulped down air and slid to the floor. Nano was silent except for shuffling the file and put it back in the drawer. I kept my eyes closed, pretending to not be aware. I heard the door to the office and then some footsteps that weren’t Nano. 

“What are you two doing up here?!” Akira’s voice was alarmed and when he saw me on the floor with a swollen face he approached me first. “Oh my god, what the fuck happened?” I looked up and Akira lightly touched my nose. “Holy shit did you guys get into a fist fight?” Nano was still silent, “Did you start it, Rin?” 

“No,” I said weakly, my voice was a little hoarse. “That file and the next thing I know, he’s…” Akira’s eyes widened. 

“He still  _has_  it? That fucking asshole.” So, Akira  _did_  know that Shiki had the project Nicole files. He got them out again and looked down at me. “I will destroy them myself. I will take  _all_  the blame for whatever becomes of this.” He assured me before turning to Nano. “What the fuck are you doing?” I groaned, my leg hurt, he surely left a bruise. 

“I…” Nano couldn’t think of a good reason. I wasn’t sure if it was his fear of Akira or coming down from his psychotic break to realize what he had done to me. I looked over to Akira and Nano. 

“Why did you do this to him? I thought you cared about him?” Akira asked sternly. 

“I…do not know…” Nano’s emotions were suddenly fluttering on and off his face. This wasn’t good enough for Akira and what he said next surprised me. 

“He is not Emma. He is nothing like her. She is dead, you killed her.” Nano’s frown made it clear those words had been effective. Akira bent down to me, touching my hair, “Are you all right, Rin?” 

“Yes, I just ache a bit.” It wasn’t anything unbearable, but I could feel it. Akira’s eyes were totally focused on me for a moment. I felt safe again, Akira made me feel safe. He nodded and held out his arms, I took them, and it hurt to stand on the leg Nano had been pinning. I made a face and Akira soothed me, helping me to the couch. Once I was upright and able to breathe well, he stood in front of Nano. I felt anger from Akira. He was pissed off this had happened. 

“There is something that is clear to Rin that is not clear to you, Nano.” Akira stood up straight and his voice was commanding. I found myself entranced by him like Nano was. “You wonder why you don’t get it? It’s because Rin has been getting it for so long for you that you aren’t analyzing the situation yourself. Shiki is fucking ruthless and dangerous, this is only so easy right now because he is not here. Soon, he will be here all the time.” Where was Akira going with this? “When Shiki is with me, he is with me a lot. You can’t lose it every time he mentions his experiments with the Nicole virus or has sex with me.” 

Nano’s emotions were way off base and I hoped Akira’s attempts to rope him in would be successful. Akira looked over at me, mouthed the words,  _please understand._ Then he offered his hands to Nano, which he took. They got close and the message seemed to be less personal because I could hear it. Those same words of reassurance that Akira loves Nano and that anything he does with Shiki is simply appeasement. I was sick of hearing it. I wanted to leave, I couldn’t handle these two anymore. Their love, how I was to be punished with the worst parts of Nano’s psyche but with Akira, it was always fucking roses. I hadn’t fought back against Nano because my devotion kept me in a psychological prison. 

While they were grooming each other, I looked around for something to support me as I walked. I decided that moving from object to object was my best move. I needed to be alone, away from these two and their fucking ions or whatever the fuck Nano had said it was. I got up and I realized I could walk with a limp. Nicole healed my body faster than ever before. It was the dream virus of a serial killer. I used my hand to support myself along the bookshelves, and those two were so damn into each other they didn’t even notice me leaving until I knocked a small antique knife off the wall.

“Where are you going?” Akira asked. 

“Why do you care?” I grumbled, getting closer to the door. I was almost there. 

“Because you’re hurt.”  

“Don’t fucking worry about me, Akira,” I snapped, shaking my head. He was so fucking exhausting. He tried to touch me, but I shooed him away and began to turn the doorknob. 

“Don’t you want to know the resolution?” Akira pried. 

“No, Akira, I don’t fucking care to know about how your cock is gonna save Nano from his demons.” I opened the door and left, creeping along the walls. I reached the door opening to the stairs and opened it. Of course, Nano didn’t come after me. Who was I kidding? I leaned on the right rail of the staircase and began my slow descent. My god, all the philosophers were fucking wrong. Romantic love  _was_  the ultimate. I couldn’t be enough of a ‘dear friend’ to Nano for it to matter. It was my swollen leg or the weird crunching in my nose that was bothersome, it was the  _knowing_. I peered into the second floor and I noticed a creaked open door. Something drew me to it. I knew I was already falling apart. What more could possibly happen? I pushed open the door with clumsy hands and what I saw affected me like nothing else in this place had. 

There was a half-done painting of me. 

I approached it, it was me from back in Igura. It was so accurate. Had Shiki described me in such detail? No, this was not Shiki. This must have been Akira’s account. I remembered the first time I met Akira and we flirted. It was so gay and beautiful, and I was deeply turned on. It was a fond memory, but so far removed from the current state of affairs it was gone like a butterfly. In front of the painting were my stilettos. Shiki had kept them all this time? I was weirdly flattered. I ran my hands over them and remembered all the assholes I cut down. When I looked at my half-done body I noticed a small detail. The painter had painted a crown on top of my head. Why? As I was having these thoughts I was interrupted by Akira’s voice.

“I described you the way I remembered you.” 

I was glaring at him, but he seemed to ignore me. 

“I don’t know where it will hang,” he spoke softly. “I know you think that I let Nano off the hook back there, but I did not, I promise you.” 

I was silent in my glare and his expression was sad. 

“I care about you, Rin, and so does Nano. This has all been going so horribly wrong, but I promise you, it’s just growing pains.” 

“You get to say that because he only shows his good sides to you,” I spat, my anger coming out clearly. “You don’t have to see the real shit, his real self—every emotional breakdown, every eerie sentence that left me worried, all the sad awkwardness… You don’t have to fucking deal with even  _half_  of it because I did  _for_  you. I still don’t know why I am doing this. There’s nothing in it for me. I don’t get the prince charming or the thrill of ending the tyrant. All I get is pinned to my brother’s desk by the person I care about the most, reduced to nothing in his eyes just from reading some fucking file. Yet I was unable to fight back because even in all my rage I could never lay a hand on him.” I shook my head and sighed. 

Akira opened his mouth and then closed it. He knew I didn’t want to hear the same words from before. Those words of false assurance I was so sick of. I was tired of running in circles. It was a long while before Akira spoke once more. 

“If Nano is the King, then you are the King’s favorite. You are the Prince.” I glanced at him in confusion. Akira went on, “If you are the brother of the Emperor and the favorite of the one true King and you share blood with both… then you are the Prince.” 

“Real funny, Akira. What’s your game?” I was skeptical, 

“That’s the reason your painting has a crown. You are the Prince.” He touched the canvas. 

“Like that would matter if it was true.” What was he doing? Where was Nano? Did I care? “Who taught you to talk like that, anyway?” He looked back at me with weary eyes. 

“Rin, that is not what is important. I want to you know: whatever happens, I won’t leave you either and don’t worry. Nano won’t ever pull that shit he just did again.” 

I smirked. 

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because if he ever does it again…” he swallowed hard, “I’ll no longer want a relationship with him. If he cannot treat you right, what happens when the honeymoon shit is over?” He looked grieved while saying this. I thought it was an interesting idea. I wasn’t too worried about it. I stood up unaided. I put my hand on Akira’s shoulder. 

“Whatever it is you two have agreed on, leave me out of it. I am not the third person in your relationship and I am certainly no pawn for you to use against him. Now, I am tired of this conversation and I have to select dinner for us. I am going to leave.” I turned and headed for the kitchen. I felt as though a weight was off my chest. 

* * *

 

 

                                                     **Akira**

Rin acted as though nothing had happened at dinner. Well, maybe he was a little distant but that was it. He was exhausted, tired of our drama. I was, too, this in-fighting would only make things worse once Shiki returned. I stopped focusing on Rin. He was going to do and be whatever he was. I needed to stop getting between him and Nano. They needed to resolve their own issues. I looked at Nano, who was still a bit confused on the nature of a fork as he ate. 

This dining room was low-lit for extra drama during dinnertime. Nano did look beautiful by the candlelight. I wanted him to sleep in my room tonight, I decided to mention this once Rin was finished. The room was filled with silence and the only reason it was uncomfortable was because Nano was trying to use the secret language on Rin. Rin finished his dinner and looked at me. 

“Thank you, Emperor.” He smiled and I didn’t understand the meaning. He left and I watched him go. Now it was just Nano and me. I was almost done. I thought about exiting and just forgetting the bed thing when he looked to me after a noodle escaped his fork. I made eye contact. Okay, so Nano made everything weird. I got it. 

“What?” I asked, biting into a piece of yellowtail. He looked down at his lap, as I finished my meal slowly. I know I shouldn’t, but this day had been so shitty I wanted whatever ice cream Shiki kept in the freezer. I figured a scoop wasn’t going to wound my six pack. When the butler came to collect our plates I told him to give me a scoop of my husband’s favorite. Nano declined silently. What was his problem? 

“What’s wrong?” He looked up at me. “He is okay. I am not mad and he’s not mad.” Nano put his hand on the table, reaching for mine. “Not now—in a bit.” 

The butler brought my ice cream in a tall dish. I didn’t recognize the flavor from the look of it. I tasted it and it was raspberry something. It didn’t taste all that great but I powered through it. Once I was done, I stood and gestured for Nano to follow me. 

We reached my room and he just stood in the doorway. 

“Come in.” I went into my closet and got into my pajamas. I tossed Nano something more comfortable, too. An old shirt of Shiki’s and boxers that were too big for me. I turned away as he undressed and dressed again. I looked back and saw his legs bare. They were covered in marks, so were his arms. He seemed nervous, he was awaiting my reaction. He climbed on the bed and looked at me with sad eyes. He spoke not a word but I understood nonetheless. I got on the bed and crawled next to him, sitting across from him, a short distance between us. 

“Your body is your body, I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He laid his head down on my legs and his arms around my hips, I stroked his hair lightly. 

“Akira is so kind to me, he forgives me even when I am unjustly cruel.” 

I could tell his body was a huge point of contention. He did not realize I was forgiving to the point of self-damage with him. He sat up and our hands joined, he stared me for a minute before leaning forward. His mouth formed my name but no sound came out. He kissed me, slowly getting deeper and I knew what was about to happen. I made no move to stop it. I let him push my body to the bed and start fondling me all over. He put his lips on my neck and I snapped my fingers four times. This turned on the lowlights and made the room dim. He used his pure strength to rip open my shirt, the buttons flying off around the room. He kissed down my chest and ran his hands over my nipples, and I felt myself getting aroused. I pulled his face to mine and kissed him again. 

I could feel myself unraveling. For once, I wasn’t ashamed; I felt safe. I tugged on the hem of his shirt, trying to tell him I wanted to see underneath. He stopped kissing me, I knew I had to assure him.

“Let me see…it’s all right.” I spoke very quietly, so he knew I spoke for him and only him. He sat up for a moment and I prompted myself up on my elbows to watch him.

“Once it happens… it cannot be undone.” I knew now was not the time to be aloof or try to play Billie-badass. I knew that if I rejected his physical body, it would be too much handle. I knew I wouldn’t—it was the opposite—I wanted to see it. 

He slowly removed his shirt to show me: his body was a battlefield of its own. It was covered in the ridges and bumps of medical torture. There was a deep scar on his stomach that was the mark from Shiki’s failed attempt to kill him. I reached out to touch him and he flinched for a moment before letting me. His scars, his skin, had such an interesting texture. 

He crawled on top of me once more, pushing me back down to the bed. We were tongue-tied kissing once more as we stripped each other bare. I put my hands on his back, afraid to be rough, afraid if I tugged too hard his skin would rip open. He did not have the same attitude toward me, however. He grabbed my hair, bit my lip and ground our erections together. He reached up and used the drool between us to try to loosen my hole. It was fucking painful and I grabbed his shoulders. 

“There is real lube in the drawer. Let me get it, okay?” I wiggled my way free from under him and I turned on my knees to dig through the drawer on the left side of the bed for a moment. When I found it, I turned back to him and he was like a lion pouncing back on me. He took the lube and sloppily covered his two fingers on his right hand. When he used them to penetrate me, the sensation of cold and stretching made me shiver. He began to devour my flesh once more along my neck and chest, fingering me hard and sticking a third finger inside. I moaned, and he was getting so excited that when I touched his erection he was dripping precum. I stroked him once before realizing it was too dry and put some lube on my hand as well.

This stroking, fingering and touching lasted only a few minutes before he hoisted my legs up and pushed inside of me. My god, he was bigger than Shiki, 10cm or so bigger. It was raw and I realized I was tense because my teeth were clenched. My eyes were closed as well. I was afraid to look at him even though he was inside of me. He wasn’t moving and I was trying to get it together. That’s when I sensed him bend down, his breath on my face. I was hot all over, and I felt like I was a virgin again.  I covered my face with my hands instinctively. He kissed my hands before speaking to me, his voice almost a whisper. 

“Look at me,” Nano commanded me, but not in the way that seemed forceful. It was a command that begged something of me.  _Let me know I am the one you love, that this isn’t just something you’re doing because you can._ I hesitated and he moved his hips a bit in a way that teased me. I uncovered my face to look at his intense expression. His eyes were a brilliant purple with a mix of powerful sadness and passion. He gave all that he felt to me. I could not look away, I was swimming and that swimming made me relax.  

He felt this and started to thrust into me hard. He didn’t have a build-up, and he wasn't afraid of letting me know how he felt how I turn his emotions into those of a wild animal. He reached down and kissed me, biting so hard down on my lip to draw blood. I felt so good the pain was almost nonexistent. I moaned and ran my hands over his body, grabbing his hair. My mind was a blank slate, all that exists was Nano, my feelings and this bed. 

He reached down to stroke me, we should be close, not that having a sense of time even mattered to me anymore. As the bed rocked beneath us, I felt all my nerves center around my bottom half as I reached orgasm. I whimpered and cried out his name as stars filled my vision, my eyes rolling back. He gave me a few more thrusts to make me ride out my orgasm. 

His body stiffened as he came, calling my name in a voice that was pure ecstasy. He then pulled out of me and laid next to me, holding my hand as the afterglow washed over me. My chest heaved, my body had tingles running through it and my legs felt like jelly. I was sticky from sweat, but it didn’t bother me. I felt exhausted. 

I looked over at Nano who was staring at me. He put the top blanket over both of us as we turned to lock our bodies together. We exchanged a glance—no, a  _conversation_. It was about love and feelings. No words were spoken but when he was satisfied with it he pressed our noses together. His eyes fluttered shut from exhaustion. I closed my eyes, too. For the first time, I was no longer afraid of the dark. I trusted him. I loved him. I followed him loyally wherever the end might be, no matter what it looked like.  


	9. Incident in the Emperor's Domain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last porny/fun chapter before Shiki returns. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry SonicoSenpai, I just was in the mood to surprise everyone. Including you!

**Akira**

When I woke up the night before seemed surreal, but when I gazed down to see the pressure preventing me from getting up from bed, I knew it was no dream. Nano was tight around me. I tried to unwind from him and he woke up. He instantly retracted his arms, hiding his body from me. I darted out of bed, the only thing on my mind my bathroom morning routine. I mindlessly brushed my teeth before walking back to him. The light from the window was only passing the dim room in shards. He was still concealing his body from me. I sat back down on the bed and reached over to touch him. He snatched my hand in mid motion and started to kiss it.

“Hey, it’s alright,” I spoke to him. He made eye contact with me. “The marks don’t bother me. Not one bit,” I said, trying to make it sound romantic. I wasn’t very good at this part. There was a long stare exchanged between us before he let my hand go and slowly shifted to sit beside me. I looked at his body, the scarring more clear than last night. There were even a few injection scars from needles on his genitals. I didn’t want to know what they had done. I would never ask, no matter the morbid curiosity I might have. He leaned in to kiss me and I returned it. He pulled away.

“I have to shower.” As much as I loved Nano’s approach to wooing me, I could feel his encrusted DNA on my thighs and it was uncomfortable. I stood, he followed me into the bathroom, using my mouthwash cup so he didn’t have to bother going all the way back to Rin just to brush his teeth. I turned on the shower and tried to relax as the room filled with steam. Nano was looking at my body borderline predatorily. “Later, I need to be able to use my ass and legs.” He smiled for a moment. Every time he did that I felt like I was chasing a butterfly. He was back to hiding in the shadows of the flowers before I could reach him.

He followed me into the shower, where I had to help him wash himself a bit, and he kissed me everywhere. I touched him back, making the return of affections clear. He let me dry and dress him in all black. He looked handsome with his damp hair and glowing face from the serum I put on it. He stood looking at each other after I had dressed myself in my uniform and hat. I was hiding the fact I was crumbling. I was _officially_ a cheater. I wondered if I was a bad person... Nano closed the distance and kissed me, I had to hang on to my hat. We heard a knock at the door.

“Who is it?”

“God,” Rin floated from the other side of the door.

“Come in.”

Rin walked in and looked at us, grinning.

“Fresh Nano I see.” Nano blinked slowly at Rin and Rin bumped his head against his shoulder. He must have missed Nano but would never admit it. “What business do we have today?”

“First thing, the sheets.” I turned to the bed,

“I’m not touching your cum sheets, Akira.” Rin shook his head, but Nano took the initiative and stripped the sheets. I walked over and opened the shoot, Nano shoved everything inside.

“What next?”

“Who’s hungry? Anything you want.” I smiled at both of them, Rin spoke up first a grin spreading on his face.

“Give me your best dessert waffle, Akira.” I nodded and turned to Nano.

“I want whatever you’re having, Akira.” I smiled at him and we all headed to the kitchen together. I told the staff what we wanted, I wanted an omelet, spicy fish sausage, and buttered cinnamon toast. For a small time, I would be allowed to feel a little normal. Nano’s love was running through me and I was beginning to fall for him once more. I was feeling again; the emptiness was being vanquished. This temporary fix would have to be enough. Nano sat next to me and Rin across.  I decided while we waited that I would be taking Nano with me outside of the castle where we could be alone. I was positive he was going mad being locked up in here for the past weeks.

“You are coming with me to the local inspections today.” He agreed silently as our food came to the table. They gave Rin a thick Belgium waffle covered with strawberry syrup, powdered sugar, real strawberries, and whipped cream. He looked genuinely happy about it—not the usual fake happy shit he gave me. He devoured it and I watched on in amusement as he fed Nano bites of it as well. He didn’t seem to care one bit today. I wondered what made him liberated today. Either way, I felt good about it. I wanted Rin to find his own happiness. He deserved to be happy so much. I finished my breakfast and felt Nano’s hand touch my leg for a moment. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling, but I guessed it might have been good. The maid came, and she gave me a sweet smile, commenting on how I seemed to glow. She was genuine; she loved serving and living alongside the royalty. She was one of those women who fantasized about marrying a noble but settled for simply using her skills as a domestic servant to please us. She didn’t have a husband or children which is why Shiki hired her. It was one of the few things he and I had agreed on. We didn’t like children and all our servants had to be childless.

“Emperor, can I go with the cooks to see about the décor of the death dining for Rin’s funeral?” Rin asked with a huge grin on his face. I had forgotten about that, but he was clearly amused by it.

“Of course. You have such a good eye for your Emperors.” I gave him a small smile and he stood, throwing his napkin on his plate. Nano and I followed, walking out. He trailed me to the waiting car, and when the guard asked why I had one of my assistants with me, another smacked him for me. We climbed in together, holding hands out of the view of the driver. To be spending time with someone I was actually in love with was better than a thousand material luxuries. I wanted Nano to tear my clothes off and mount me on a cross of silver.

The car stopped at a road and I grabbed my clipboard from the pouch in front of me. I dismissed the driver for the next four hours, telling him Nano was on Line and would kill anyone who touched me. The road was empty because it was a recent construction of housing units. Cold, unfeeling slabs of concrete with windows and porch lights, gravel instead of grass and buzzing green breakers. None of it could affect me as the driver disappeared and Nano pulled me between the first two complexes for a kiss. After we got done being frisky for a few minutes I decided to get some work done. I was on the fifth building on the left, inspecting the inside, when Nano put his arms around me from the back.

“You caught me by surprise!” Nano kissed my neck.  I touched the arms around my waist and gave them a light squeeze. I wanted him to know he was safe and everything was alright. There was something I wanted to tell him, but I was waiting for the right time. A noble decision I had made, one that would let him know that I understood completely. He nuzzled me, and we walked together awkwardly, like two people in one of those horse costumes. I enjoyed it in all it’s weirdness. When I was done with the complex and we were on the first floor, he let go of me and I set the clipboard down. He then turned me around and grabbed my face, laying a passionate, messy kiss on me. I kissed him back and he started to tug at my clothes. I pulled away.

“Why here?”

“Does Akira not want me to touch him? I will wait for Akira’s room if that is what he wants.” I felt hot.

“Well, there is no lube here, Nano. If you want to have sex with me, we can do it in the garden tonight.” He gave me a soft smile for a few moments and it made feel good, so I kissed him again. I realized he would hold me to my offer.  

* * *

 

                                               **Rin**

Reo pulled out of me and my orgasm had me breathing heavily. I had to give him a smudge of some drugs I found in a spare room to calm him down. He was so fucking scared of Akira, even though he had literally no reason to be. I had wanted him to fuck me so bad I showed up in his soldier quarters behind the palace. The bed was firm and the pillow flat, but I didn’t need the fancy royal shit to get my ass pounded. He made a loud sound and collapsed beside me, staring at me with glimmering eyes.

“Wow I didn’t know having sex with a guy would feel so nice.” I grinned at him.

“Yeah, before Shiki, men gave me lots of shit. Now I can’t keep the guys off me.” This was a lie. Men never approached me because they were intimidated by Nano. It’s not like I could get a guy to love me back even if Nano _wasn’t_ with me. That was my thing, I guessed. I was the sad, cute blond gay guy always falling for men who would never love me back. Reo was looking at me confused and his hand twitched. 

“Hey, am I allowed to… I don’t know, just _touch_ you for no reason?” I was suddenly embarrassed for him.

“Just because you enjoy having sex with me doesn’t mean you want me as your boyfriend,” I commented casually. Yes, I would _love_ to meet a guy I loved and who loved me back. But I also wasn’t an idiot. I knew I was a good lay and men were confused by it emotionally. Reo touched his face nervously.

“I’m not really that handsome… I get it.” He made a disappointed face. He was cute enough; if he was ugly I wouldn’t have been able to get it up at all. Before I could reply he started to gush his feelings all over me, “It’s just that I’ve had girlfriends in the past and had even mocked the Emperors at one point for making a joke of Japan with their romance… I broke up with my last girlfriend before they got married because she was only pretending to love me. She, like many women, had numerous sexual fantasies about Shiki…” I crinkled my nose.

“What the hell is the point of this?”

“My point is that when I saw you I think I got it… I had never had feelings for a guy before, but most of the guys I know are my longtime friends, so I guess it makes sense. I thought I wanted to try a guy just like my ruler does.” Ah Shiki, provoking homosexuality across the land.

“So, what are you getting at?”

“Even if Emperor doesn’t approve, can we just have a little secret thing?” I was shocked, and I had to contain it.

“Are you asking me to be your secret boyfriend? I’m nobody’s secret, Reo. I spent my whole fucking life in the dark because I was ashamed I didn’t want someone with ovaries. No more,” I asserted. He shook his head and grabbed my hand.

“No! Not secret because I am ashamed of you—you’re beautiful. But a secret so the Emperors don’t kill me or you.” My god, I knew Shiki didn’t care and Akira could be easily quelled. But that word _beautiful_ made my chest feel warm, I wanted so badly to believe it. Even if it meant lying about realistically being with Reo. I looked him in the eyes, my being softening around the edges.

“There doesn’t have to be a secret. I will deal with Akira, he was just pissy that day. No need to worry, it was nothing personal, he probably doesn’t even remember you. Emperor Shiki won’t care either.” Reo absorbed my words happily. He leaned over and pecked me on the lips.

 

* * *

 

                                              **Akira**

Nano and I parted when we came back to the palace. I went up to my study, shuffling papers and confirming arrangements for the funeral. Everybody thinks my life is so great being the Emperor, but this my reality. I am more akin to a secretary. Right then, what was carrying me was the exciting thought of having outdoor sex with Nano in the garden that night. I looked over at him sitting on the couch and he was giving me the eyes. He stood up and came around my desk, he began to kiss me, and his tongue licked my lower lip. He put his hand on my growing erection and I pushed him away.

“It’s not evening yet…”

“I am servicing you.” He kissed me again, sucking on my neck and undoing my fly. The next thing I knew he lowered himself down and his warm, wet mouth was around my dick. I gasped but didn’t stop him. I leaned back, and my hat fell off and I put my hands in his hair. He wasn’t very good at sucking, but his electric tongue made up for it. The phone rang and made me jump. I picked it up and Nano didn’t stop.

“Hello, Emperor Akira speaking.”

“Hey.” Shiki’s voice came over the phone and I thrust Nano’s head back. Nano’s eyes were glossy, and he had a bit of drool from his mouth. I was struck by his beauty until Shiki started speaking. “I’m excited to be coming home, and I have bought you a present.”

“Have you? What is it?” Nano started to give my shaft and ballsack kisses. I quivered, and Shiki spoke,

“It’s a surprise.”

“I am excited.” Nano took my cock back in his mouth and I bit my lip. Shiki kept talking as my senses were being torn apart.

“Hey Akira, I have been gone for a bit…” His tone dropped, and his voice was beginning to drag. Here is comes, he is going to phone sex me. His starts to go on, painting a picture in which he tears my clothes to shreds and throws me on the bed. Nano’s makes a sound that sends vibrations through my hips and he takes me deeper into his throat. Shiki continues to talk telling me about my “pink hole,” instructing me to touch myself and making irritating breathy noises into the speaker. He says I’m not allowed to come without his permission and Nano confirms I have no say in when my orgasm comes. Shiki tells me with bated breath to cum and I shoot right into Nano’s throat. I feel him swallow and my mind is hazy, my legs feel like jello. Nano stands and wipes his face. I grab his hand, Shiki talks, “Ah, I can’t wait to see the real deal. I’ll be home soon, Akira.” The line goes dead, and I stare at Nano, waiting for something bad to happen.

“Why do you tolerate this?” I ask him quietly.

“I do not have a reason not to.”

 

* * *

 

Once I have emptied the palace I go out into the garden in my nightclothes. I am cold, but I will soon not be. I enter the garden gates and Nano is waiting there for me just as instructed. I haven’t seen Rin this entire time, but I figured if he is doing something that is making him happy I should just leave him alone. I lock the gate with my key and I shiver. In response, Nano puts his arms around me. I guess romantic love really is instinctual. He wondered what to do with a fork but knew to put his arms around his love if they were cold. I allowed him to warm me for a few minutes before pulling away and we held hands as we walked to the center of the garden. I was unsure of what to talk about.

We sat on the c-shaped bench in the center of the maze, the beautiful flowers twining all around us. The moon shone brightly and I got close to Nano. I should have grabbed a coat, why was I so stubborn? I spoke to him but did not look at him. I knew his beauty would choke me for words in this lighting. 

“Why didn’t you just get with Rin?” I heard a sigh.

“Dear friend deserves better than me.” The statement was heartfelt.

“Were you attracted to him like me?” I was curious, after all. I felt like I had missed such a pivotal time in his life.

“No. Rin is not Akira and Akira is not Rin. Dear friend is dear friend. Love is love.” I looked at my feet, thinking of more things to ask him. This was open for Nano, things were actually making sense right now. I didn’t know who to credit, though. He touched my hand and our fingers interlock.

“I missed you.” I finally looked at him and he was giving me a piercing stare. I struggled with my composure. “I’m intact,” I said, and he understood exactly what I meant. He leaned forward to my lips and knew it was time to give my body to him once more. I let him undress me and I removed everything of his except for the undershirt. It was unbuttoned and I ran my hands down his body. We kissed, I made marks on his neck and he sucked on my nipples. I flipped my body around and I offered myself doggy style against the cold bench. He accepted this, the cold of the bench turning me on slightly. I wondered if I would like ice against my skin during sex. I put my hands on the armrest of the bench one of my knees against the backseat. I was spread open, my shame to bear to the night owls. I felt Nano’s tongue and fingers in my hole, prepping me, stretching me out. I felt myself relaxing and he entered me. This lack of lube is never the best feeling, but I grew comfortable quickly because he took the time to stretch me.

He thrusted into me so hard I tremble and lose my balance. My knee slipped and I thought I was about to tumble off the bench. He grabbed me, heaved me up and now we were in crucifixion position, his legs being the main support. He went right back to pounding into me, arms around my waist. My entire nudity was now lit up by the moon, it seemed extra unforgiving right now. Nano made soft noises of pleasure in my ear as my hands grabbed the bench for dear life to the side and below. I moaned loudly and my cock twitched. He suddenly was going so hard and fast I think the bench was going to fucking break. I didn’t stop him as he was slamming into my prostate, tears running down my face as he and I reached orgasm together. I whimpered and fall forward, ass in the air.

I was shaking like a baby deer for a few minutes as I heard him rush to put his clothes back on. I wondered what makes him afraid the most. Nano then helped me get back into my clothes. I was no longer cold as we cuddle each other on the bench. This lasted for a few minutes before I decided we must go back inside if we want to sleep. I stood, and he followed. That’s when I heard giggling and I needed to investigate. Nano blindly agreed because, of course, he does. I followed the laughter right into the gardener’s shed. I crept slowly, gesturing for Nano to stay out of view and pushed the door open softly. I heard a yelp.

“Akira!” Rin’s voice cried out and that Reo idiot from before whined.

“You said this wouldn’t happen, now I’m turned off for good!" He unmounted Rin and pulled his pants back up. Rin was spread for me to see and I averted my eyes.

“Put your fucking pants on, Rin!” I yelled, and he scrambled to put his underwear back on. Reo attempted to dart and Rin grabbed him.

“Why are you leaving?!” There was a sudden bit of sadness racking through Rin’s voice I looked up. Reo had a panicked look on his face as he tried to get away. But he would only be getting away if he ripped his own arm off. A person infected with Nicole in distress was dangerous. “Stop running!” Rin grabbed his other arm and I put my hands up.

“Stop trying to run, I’m not going to kill you.”

“Touma, I can’t, I can’t take the pressure!” He was still whining, and it was annoying me. I marched over and grabbed Reo’s face. He began to cry.

“Shut up and calm down.” Rin’s face was so upset I wanted to hug him. I looked at Reo up and down, “First thing: if you leave Touma now, I promise a punishment.” His eyes searched my face for a reason, I almost wished I could tell him. “If you stay with Touma and keep out of mine and Shiki’s way, I will pretend I didn’t see anything and I don’t know anything. Break Touma’s heart: I will follow with swift public humiliation and his best friend will kill you.” Rin gave me a small smile from behind Reo.

“I understand! I understand!” This boy was a bit cowardly, but I brushed it off due to lack of experience. I hoped Rin would too. Rin let go of Reo and he turned to him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I just lost my cool.” Rin touched his face.

“Don’t ever make me feel like that ever again,” He said, his face dark and serious. Reo looked like he was about to beg Rin to take him back. There was a pregnant pause before Reo kissed Rin’s hands all over. I let out a breath and realized Nano was still standing out there waiting for me. Reo then turned back to me.

“Why are you out here this late, Emperor?”

“I can do whatever I please on my property. What is your deal with questioning me? Stop it.” Rin cleared his throat.

“Reo, let us honor our Emperor by not questioning his actions. His leadership is our light.” Rin winked at me and I nodded. Reo put his head down and I exited the shed, closing the door. Nano was still standing in his place, I touched his arm.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” He followed me loyally out of the garden and up to my room in silence. When we got there, and I laid in bed, the dull pain of being fucked on that bench kicked in. I touched my back and I got back up. I entered the bathroom and flicked on the light. I flung open the mirror cabinet and found a dissolving tab of painkiller. I threw it back into my throat and felt it melt. When I came back out, Nano was eerily staring at me from the edge of the bed in the darkness. “Fuck, you’re scary. I finally get why even Shiki was terrified of you.” I sat next to him on the bed, he grabbed my hands and his eyes pierced right through me.

“I do not want Akira to be afraid, I will try to be gentler…” His voice was so soft, and I let out a light chuckle. I don’t know why, but what he said seemed cute.

“We’ll be alright, Nano. Things will be difficult for a while, but nothing worth having is easy.” I touched foreheads with him and he licked the tip of my nose. I responded by kissing his cheek. I climbed into bed and he followed me.  That iron tight cuddle returned to my waist as I fell asleep.


	10. Girl Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiki returns. Being heterosexual is ejected from the building at lightening speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated it before it hit an official month between updates ;)

 

                                                                                                                  **Akira**

Shiki was coming home today. I had the sheets rigorously cleaned the night before. Nano was allowed to sleep with me in one of the guest bedrooms. In 30 minutes, we were to all wait at the front door for him. I was already dressed and ready, Nano was holding me by my waist. The downstairs was a fuss as they craved Shiki’s attention, we were looking out the window. I spoke the words I was afraid to,

“You know this can’t go on forever,” I said solemnly,

“Do not fear, dear friend will take care of it all.”

“What is Rin planning?”

“You do not need the details; the result will be most desirable for Akira.” There was some comfortable silence as the minutes anxiously ticked away, he reached over a kiss and I declined.

“He’s a freak, he’ll say I taste different.”

Nano opted to kiss me on the forehead instead. I could see the car coming up the road in the distance and we made our way downstairs to stand outside the front door. I double checked my wrists. Yes, I still smelled of that fucking awful cologne Shiki gave me. Perfect. The car pulled up and he stepped out, pulled his hat off, and tossed his hair. The soldiers kneeled, and my assistants got on their knees, too. Though I could almost feel the hatred off of Rin. Were our lives a B-rated movie? Shiki approached me and dragged me by my waist into the castle.

“I’m home,” he said in a mildly frightening tone.

“I see that.” Shiki had not even been home ten minutes and he was tugging at my clothes. I shoved him away with a huff, and Nano took a step closer behind us. “I want to eat.”  I had been waiting all morning to have the nice royal breakfast they had prepared for Shiki. It was my favorite egg-fish combo meal and I was going to be fucking damned if terrible sex with Shiki was going to get in the way of that. But he was giving me an agitated look, so I had to quell him. “I want to hear about what you were doing anyway.” Shiki found this agreeable.

“Fine, but alone. Keep your lapdogs busy elsewhere until further notice.” He waved aside Nano and Rin as he went into the dining room. The moment I turned to them, they gave me a look like  _How dare he talk to us that way?_ There was nothing I could do about it and they knew it.

“Nano and Rin, why don’t you attend to the hedges and then the paperwork? The girl piece will need help with groceries later too.” They look at each other and then locked hands. I wondered why. Was it a _fuck you_ to me? Or part of the act? I headed into the dining room, where Shiki’s voice could be heard terrorizing the kitchen staff. I saw the girl piece loyally behind him, speaking of which… I hadn’t seen her in a while. Was Shiki sleeping with her? If so, that would be a relief.

The "girl piece," as we called her, was supposed to be Shiki’s mistress as gifted by a Thai nobleman. She just showed up one day and the nobleman refused to take her back, so she just became a maid to Shiki effectively. A letter came with her, explaining she was the most beautiful woman of her village and a chaste virgin. She had long silky black hair, soft light brown eyes, perfect skin, and waif-like body. She came dressed in a white floral dress and a case of what little personal belongings she had. Her name was Fai, and I admitted I had some type of feelings for her when she first came. It seemed insane at the time, but I had flirted with her a bit at one point. I wasn’t _only_ into guys, despite Shiki’s numerous attempts to assert so. Now I thought it was dumb, not because I liked my husband, but because she could not hold a candle to Nano. Fai was a lovely woman with a soft voice, but ultimately there was nothing special about her.

“They fucking asked me why I was in my own kitchen! I am surrounded by broken cogs at every turn, Akira. How has this gone unnoticed?” Shiki came into the room and sat across me. The girl piece followed him. “Fuck it, it’s not like I can hire better staff anyway. They are the third set we’ve had.” Shiki let out a sigh and I looked at the girl piece, who was hinging on his every word like God himself was speaking. She was an airhead. She was too dressed up right now, too. She was wearing a long sleeved and layered red dress, jeweled pins which held her hair halfway up and had painted her face like an old dynasty doll. Just then the perfect plot filled my mind, I glared at Shiki.

“So, I can’t have my useful assistants here, but your side piece can be in here?”

“She’s not my fucking side piece. She’s just so fucking pathetic that she thinks this will work to get me to fuck her instead of you.” She winced when he said that. Fai believed she could _fix_ Shiki. It was a delusion even _I_ was never stupid enough to have. Shiki was a fucking asshole to the core. Shiki looked at her. “Why are you even still here, stupid? Didn’t you get the hint the whole trip when I opted to jerk off instead of seeing your disgusting child body prancing around my room? Get the fuck out of my face.” Shiki was sincere, his words cut through her like his katana through his enemies. When Shiki said he hated everyone, he _meant_ it. Fai’s face turned puffy with watery eyes, she looked at me, said something in Thai and ran away. He wasn’t fucking her, and neither was I; I was a fool for thinking that might have ever even been an option.

“You didn’t have to be that much of a dick.” I felt bad for her because she had no way out. She was in love with Shiki’s abuse.

“She is good at that, making people feel bad for her while she tries to fuck someone else’s husband. There is no sympathy for her pitiful excuse of a life.” The butler brought us food and green tea. Once we started eating, Shiki spoke up, “Never accuse me of cheating again or I’ll make your fucking asshole bleed, got it?”

“Fine,” I said, trying to enjoy my meal.

“What I was really doing was overseeing the building of a winter resort home for us in the mountains. This fucking castle feels like a prison after a while.” _Our rings are the ball and chain._ “We will go after my brother’s funeral. There are only two staff members there, so you will need to pick one of your assistants to come with you.”

“Why not both? They are lovers.” _One of them is my lover. My true love, the one who I am supposed to be with._

“Is that supposed to move me, Akira? You come before them always in every aspect.” How in the fuck was I supposed to choose between them? If I picked Rin I would have to deal with him being a bitch about leaving Nano behind. If I picked Nano I would always be on edge hoping my husband wouldn't find out that I hated him and had been fucking someone else to deal with his abusive shit. And Nano would have to deal with watching me be subjected to Shiki’s sexual slavery. That wasn’t fair either. I filed through my brain to remember the funeral date. I had about a week and a half to make my decision. “Make sure you pick wisely, I have heard from the fellow staff members that their talents are different.”

“What do you mean, different?” I questioned, my heart beating in my ears fearfully.

“Well, one is good at playing secretary and one is good at keeping the underlings in line.”

Who the fuck was saying this shit? Was this really the impression they got of Nano? I remembered back when I first meant Nano, trying to imagine being scared of him. Now that I thought about… I never was, I always had romantic rose-tinted glasses for him.

“Touma is good at the busy work, the things that remind me how meaningless it all is,” I said flippantly. “I mostly tolerate the other one so that I don’t have to sweat babysitting the assholes in the courtyard. He sits out there and they are so afraid of him that they don’t run their mouths.” I was getting good at lying; Rin would be so proud. Shiki nodded in approval, he was taking it all without question. He has too much faith in me, and this is what Rin and Nano are relying on. He has inadvertently made himself weak when it came to me.

“They are both loyal, that is good. Your last assistant was annoying and looked like he would split down the middle every time I looked at him. We need workers with a spine.” He finished his food and drank his tea. Once the breakfast was over, we both stood. Shiki gave me his most wicked of grins and I prepared myself. “Half an hour, then your ass is mine.”

* * *

 

                                                                                                                **Rin**

As it would seem, I still fucking hated my brother with a burning passion. My hate for him was stronger than any romance in this shit fest of a life Nano and I led. I was out here in the cold that made my bones rattle, barking about hedges and the way flowers were being repotted for inside gardening purposes. Nano was silent, but he was wordlessly bitching about Shiki in his twitches and hand fiddling. We both knew this day would come, yet we were both still sour. I hear a sound coming towards us and here comes a girl with long black hair dressed in a dark red long sleeve dress, running. She was crying and pulling pins out of her hair to fling them in various directions. She came towards me, so I naturally moved out of the way. She tripped on the handle of a pair of hedge scissors in front of me and fell down. She let out a muffled cry as her body hit the icy earth below. Nano was the one who bent down to check on her. He rolled her over, her red lipstick had smeared and was attempting to wipe it off with her sleeve. The moment she made eye contact with Nano, she froze.

“You are…?” she asked him openly. Nano looked at her like he had just seen a beautiful butterfly. I had forgotten he likes women too. He helped her up rather kindly, her smeared makeup coming more into focus. How did men love this crap? “Thank you so much, but I am already more broken than any physical damage could do.” She spoke with a thick Thai accent, but her Japanese was good otherwise. She was staring at him. “I’m Fai.” She looks briefly at me before continuing, “I was a gift for Emperor Shiki. The Thai royalty who sent me all thought it was a joke that he was in love with a man. I did, too.”

I glared at her.

“Why would it be a joke? Gay men exist.” I rolled my eyes; this bitch was an idiot. She looked ashamed.

“Yes, they do… we just all thought it was a joke. So, they dropped me off here, signed my virginity over to Emperor Shiki without him knowing.” She was saying everything so openly, so it must be common knowledge. How in the hell had Akira failed to mention this girl, even in passing? “It was thought that Emperor Akira was just a bizarre rouse, but he is not…” I honestly didn’t care about this girl’s lame sob story about wanting to fuck Shiki.

“Get to the point lady.” That’s when Nano turned and made eye contact with me and made a cup with his hand. _Shut up._ I eased up on my impatience.

“I was supposed to be Emperor Shiki’s mistress, but I am treated like a footstool and passed around like a piece of meat. But I am not upset because I do not have his love.” She took in a deep breath; the gardening people had moved away from us at this point. They probably also were not moved by this story. “It’s because I think I’m in love with Akira and I’m afraid to go for it. I know Akira doesn’t like Shiki. I can sense his dread when I overhear them talking about their sex life.”

I peered over at Nano, whose eyes now held a purple flame of possession. She sighed, wiping more of her makeup off with her sleeve. In love with Akira? Did Akira even like chicks? _He thought I was a cute girl and hit on me the first time we met._ She looked at me and a bitter laugh escaped, “You must think I’m insane and I am. But Akira…” Her eyes glimmered in the same way Nano’s did, “he is not like Shiki, he has a soul and treats me like a person. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I think he might like me, too, because I’m unable to have kids.”

“Unable to have children?” Nano asked. I was not able to read what game he was playing.

“No, that’s why even though I was considered a beautiful virgin, I was unwed. When they took me to the nice hospital in the city, they ran a test on me and found out that I am totally infertile. I’m so infertile I’ve never had a real period, ever.” She chuckled again, and another tear dripped from her face. With the makeup gone, her soft babyface was revealed. I couldn’t tell her true age, and her dress was dirty, but she looked like she couldn’t care less about what we thought. We were just a vessel for her to dump her problems on, and unwillingly we had bought tickets to her tragedy. “I will be going to my sleeping space now.” She walked away and disappeared into the backyard. Nano and I touched foreheads, we exchanged an intense stare.

_You or me?_

_You, you can convince Akira to get her married off to a sucker._

_I can do anything you want me to, Nano._

_There is only thing I want and ever wanted from you, Rin._

* * *

 

                                                                                                                  **Akira**

I was naked, Shiki tied my hands around my back and then pushed me down to the bed. He grabbed my hair and started to stroke my cock. I was leaving my body. I had to leave it in order to get an erection. I imagined I would be beyond aroused if Nano was the one dominating me, but instead, it was Shiki. Shiki slips his fingers into me and calls me a whore. I remember reading the diaries of women in arranged marriages who hated their husbands. How having sex with them was a horrible chore that they merely endured so that they would leave them alone the other 95% of the time. I remembered thinking it was so sad. Here I was now, in the same pathetic position. Married to an abusive man I didn’t love and madly in love with one of my servants. It was a nightmare ripped straight out of a period drama. Shiki penetrates me, and I rub my cock against the bed sheets, thinking of how Nano will fuck me better when Shiki leaves for his afternoon meeting tomorrow. He comes inside me, and I faintly say his name. He pulls out and leaves me with my hands tied helplessly, my face pressed into the bed sheets. He comes back and rips the tie open. I crawl up and under the sheets, feeling tired. No, more like a fleshlight, barely holding on.

“That was good,” he says proudly,

“Yes, it was, and so ambitious.” The words come out but the voice doesn’t feel like my own.

I must have fallen asleep because it is Rin who comes in the room to talk to me. I realize how little fucks he must give at this point because I was sure Shiki didn’t know he was in here. Then again, I was positive Shiki didn’t care. Rin sits on the bed beside me,  
“That Thai chick,” he says in a business tone. Oh no, what happened after she ran out?

“What about Fai?” I yawned.

“Apparently your cock is so fucking great I should fight Nano to death for it. She’s in love with you,” Rin said dismissively, annoyed, even. I sat up in bed and looked Rin in the eyes,

“No fucking way.” Rin presses his lips together,

“Yes, fucking way. She talked about you like you were God’s gift to boys and girls alike, then made comments about she is perfect for you because her baby maker is broken.” I could tell Rin was being dead serious. He was being serious because Nano was likely offended by all this. I might be too, even if I knew that the person didn’t know any better. “She is probably going to try to a make move on you on soon. Take care of her in a timely fashion or I’m telling Shiki.” I glared at him.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“You know better than to test me on this, Akira. I know my brother better than anyone, _including_ you. Take care of the girl or a special death will happen,” Rin said with conviction, knowing that I would do whatever it took to keep it peaceful. He left the room and closed the door. I sunk back into the bed. What was I supposed to tell that girl? That I was gay? That wasn’t true. I could fall in love with someone of any gender. I was sure if Nano was a girl, I would still be in love with him. I just needed to tell her a more mundane truth: that I was married and didn’t want a mistress. I would ask Nano if this was the right way to deal with the situation. And I needed his consoling. I rang Rin’s room.

“Send Nano.” I hung up before he had a chance to speak. Within a few minutes, Nano was in my doorway. I beckoned him over and he sat on the bed. “I need to ask you something.” He was quiet. “What should I do about the girl piece?”

“Do you like her?” I made a confused face. He of all people should know that girl piece wasn’t my type.

“No, that’s why I am asking you what to do about her.” Nano was thoughtful, and his hands were reflecting that.

“Marry her off to one of the servants,” he said, but I knew those weren’t his words. This was Rin’s idea. They had swapped out brains on me again, fucking Nicole carriers.

“To whom?”

“It does not matter to me. Only that you do it,” he said shortly. He was unhappy. I was not able to be affectionate to reassure him because I was afraid asshole was going to be wild and come back any second.

“I’ll try my way first and then if that doesn’t work, your way.” He looked at me inquisitively. He was struggling to trust me. I didn’t blame him, this was turbulent. We exchanged a long gaze that didn’t amount to anything meaningful. I felt like when I finally blinked he just dissolved into the world around me like he was never even in my room at all.

* * *

 

The next day came and I made an excuse to go out to the bunk where Fai was. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Rin had followed me. He thought he was being sneaky, but he wasn’t. I didn’t care if he watched. She opened the door. Her hair was down, and she was in plain clothes.

“Emperor, good morning!”

“Yeah, Fai we need to talk.” She moved out of the way to let me in, she sat down at her little table.

“Tea?” She poured herself a cup.

“No.” I wanted to get the point. I could feel Rin’s distant burning gaze.

“Look, Fai...” I let out yet another sigh and put myself together. She stared at me doe-eyed.  I felt horrible about this, but I couldn’t have her delusions making Nano insane with possessiveness. The man was not shy about owning me, and I feared if she pissed him off too much there might be a mess I couldn’t clean up without Shiki finding out. “Touma has told me of your feelings. You cannot pursue me. I am married.”

Fai then did something odd. She giggled.

“Oh, Akira, let us not lie to ourselves. Shiki is a dick and you don’t like him. I saw how uncomfortable your wedding was.” She stood up and flipped her hair. “Besides, getting fucked in the ass can’t be that great. I haven’t heard you moan in months.” She laughed again.

“You _listen_ to us having sex? What the fuck are you talking about?” I was confused and angry.

“You don’t love your husband. It’s not a crime nor a criticism, understand. Most royal marriages are just ego performances.” She leaned against the table, her plain black dress slipping up. She knew she was hot shit, but I was still soft as ever.

“I enjoy sex with my husband, and just because it isn’t some fairytale bullshit doesn’t mean it isn’t love. I know you think you're God’s gift to us because all the soldiers think you’re hot. But trust me, you could be a supermodel and never get a second look from me.” I was planning to be kinder but she had pissed me the fuck off. Who the fuck did she think she was? I didn’t want to admit it, but Shiki was right about her. He must have seen this side of her when they were away and gotten a similar response from him. There really was no sympathy for her. I felt like an idiot for _ever_ taking pity on her. She shook her head and then tried to grab my crotch, I smacked her in the face.

“Listen here, I was kind to you because I felt bad for you, but I now realize why my husband despises you. I am going to hand you over in marriage to the first asshole who gives me a dowry and then you are to never step foot near me or my home again. You fucking got it?” She looked at me with fear.

“You wouldn’t! We have a connection!”

“No, we don’t! My orders are absolute!” I put my hand on the door and opened it. “I will tell my husband. We will notify all the unmarried men of your availability, and your hand goes to the guy with the biggest bank account. It is final and there is nothing you can do about it!” I slammed the door closed and I heard wicked laughter from the distance. It was unclear who was laughing.


	11. Half a Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiki chapter, then Nano finds what happiness really means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi

                                   **Shiki**

I went to go retrieve the bones of my brother a the site I cut him down before they destroyed the area for new construction. I had left Akira to be cared for by those two new servants of his. But when I went, there were no bones to collect. I wondered if a wild animal had gotten to him or if his body had been inadvertently swept up after the war ended. Either way, I was lowering an empty casket into the ground. I then walked into the clearing where I had slain Nicole Premier. The ground was still littered with bones; it had been not been cleaned. Likely this was because when I took over all work in this area stopped. Next, I headed straight to the top of the hill. His body should still have that awful beige disgrace he wore. I kicked the bones around, not a beige cloth in sight.

“Emperor Shiki, we need you to sign off on a building.”

The servant led me to the building, offering me a pen and paper. I looked at the building closely, then refused. This was the building where Nicole Premier's apartment had been. I climbed the stairs, the vivid memory of stealing Akira as bait playing in my head. I needed to relive my victory. I opened the door to the apartment. The servant followed me, standing in the doorway. He was silent; the last time he questioned me I struck him so hard the blood vessels in his face burst. I observed the apartment, searching for a memento. That’s when I noticed the bloody, torn up, red and black checkered shirt on the couch. _No_ , it couldn’t be… I picked it up and the matching shorts were underneath. I smelled the shirt… brother…

“No, this _has_ to be a fucking joke. He is _dead_ , I _never_ fail…” I clenched the crusty, bloody rags in my fist and then combed through the rest of the apartment. No sign of anything else. That’s when another servant appeared in the door, holding a bag. I turned around,

“Emperor Shiki, sire, this is Line we found in an abandoned Igura supply post below…”

I huffed and snatched the bag out of his hands. The servants cowered. I looked inside, finding old vials that Line came in… no, this _had_ to be leftovers, remnants of the past. It _had_ to have been; Line disappeared until my reign began once more… Am I going fucking _insane_? I shoved the line back the servant.

“Have this tested against my own Line.” He nodded and scurried away, I was still clenching the bloody rags.

The first servant spoke, “I can take those, Sir…”

“No, I want them.” I sniffed them again, my _own_ flesh and blood, wondering,  _Are you immortal?_

* * *

Akira was sitting across from me when the results of the test came back. The Line was _not_ mine, the bloody clothes were sitting on the table, the first assistant was standing beside Akira. I reread the results, the date on the blood was older than when I killed Nicole Premier… the Line did _not_ come from me. I slammed it down on the table, letting out a growl, my worst fucking fear confirmed. Nicole Premier and my brother either lived long enough to become partners or were _still_ alive somewhere in hiding. Akira looked at me, ready for my words. I gestured at the assistant.

“Get out.” Akira looked over at the assistant, and he left, a slight glare on his face. I leaned back and put my hands together. “Nicole Premier and Rin are either alive right now or lived long enough to trade Line for supplies.” Akira looked shocked, he looked down at the clothes on the table and at the lab tests.

“What the fuck? How? I saw their dead bodies right in front of me.” I slammed clenched my fists.

“I don’t fucking _know_ , idiot.” Nobody had  _ever_ survived being cut down by me. _Do you think you’re some kind of God?_ Oh, he didn’t think. He fucking _knew_. How the fuck did he know he’d live through that attack? How did he do it? Furthermore, how did Rin survive? Why the fuck was he in Nicole Premier’s apartment? I was truly dumbfounded for the first time in my life. But I _needed_ Akira to reassure me. “Do you think they are still alive, or did they die during the war?”

“Don’t be an idiot, Shiki. They definitely died during the war,” Akira said dismissively. He wasn't worried. If he wasn't worried, why should I be? Perhaps Akira was right, there was no possible way they survived the war. I was still insulted that they survived me; I had to brush up my swordsmanship. I took a deep breath, Akira spoke again, “You have bigger fish to fry than chasing the ghost of a dead man.”

I _was_ chasing a ghost of a dead man. This why I liked Akira. he kept me grounded when I was going off an unnecessary train. What was I doing? I decided to shove the file into my desk drawer. I would worry about that later. I had just returned to Akira and I didn't want to focus on this stupid shit anymore.

“Moving on.” Akira let out a sigh. I was thinking I would fuck him against the window again after this was over. “The funeral is tomorrow. Is everything in order?” I was anxious to put my brother’s soul to rest. Even though it was his own fault, it was unfair how he had to die. I missed the little cat. Akira looked bored.

“Yes, but Touma wants to sing a song. I told him Rin’s story and he was inspired,” Akira said looking towards the door like he was readying to dart for some reason.

“Why are you looking over there? Am I boring you?” I said spitefully, I couldn’t deal with Akira being a bitch about sex and then claiming I was boring.

“No, I thought I heard someone being nosy. What the fuck is your problem?” Now his tone was annoyed by me.

“No, what the fuck is _your_ problem? The sex was terrible yesterday.”

I stood up and looked down at Akira, looming over him. How dare he!? What was he thinking? He had _everything_ : me, the power and the title to match, the servants, the palace. What could he be so damned wrapped up about? Akira let out a sigh.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” He said dejected, standing up himself he headed towards the door. Where the fuck was he going? He seemed like an escape from me and this conversation couldn’t come fast enough. I sped up in front of him and blocked the exit with my body. I crossed my arms and glared at him.

“Where the fuck are you so anxious to head off to?”

He glared black, saying, “I have work to do and so do you. You don’t have to constantly be up my ass.”

I grabbed his hand arm tightly and hold it over his head.

“You don’t do _anything_ that couldn’t be done by one of your assistants. Maybe you’ve forgotten why you’re here at all.” I yanked Akira to the window and shoved the curtains open. He struggled as I grabbed him by the throat tightly. “I’ve been craving this ever since last time. But I have a better idea to enhance this experience.” I seized the pulley rope and ripped it from the window, the curtains fell to the ground. He looked confused, but soon my message would be made clear. I lay him on the window seat and he attempted to run again. I grabbed him by his waist and pulled him into me, tightening my grip around his neck before I ripped the buttons on his uniform open. He squirmed as I removed his belt and pants. I then pushed him to the floor.

“I’ll fucking remind you of your place, you wouldn’t be anything at all if it wasn’t for me.” I grabbed him again and threw him against the window, where he catches himself. I knew what I must do, if Nicole Premier were alive, he would come right for Akira. I wanted Akira to have no doubts as to who the master of his body is. I grab the rope and tie Akira’s wrists together. I pressed him against the window, forcing his bond hands above his head. I grabbed his balls and start roughly massaging them. He whined and pleaded with me.

“Stop being such a bitch! You never were like this before,” I say in an aggravated tone as I pull my dick out. I consider dry docking him, but I don’t really enjoy that. “Stay here or else.” I go to my desk while Akira whimpers, vainly trying to hide his shame. I grab the lube from my desk and march back over to him.

“Please don’t… this isn’t love.” That made me stop for a moment. _Love._ Since when does Akira care about love? I took my hand off my dick.

“Love? What do you mean ‘love’?” I asked him. I didn’t understand him.

“ _Love_ , Shiki. Why do you do this to me? Don’t you love me?” Akira said softly, but I feel I’ve been smacked in the face. What does he mean? Do I love Akira? I put my dick away and he turns around at the sound of my zipper. His bound hands lowering to his hips in front of him. He and I exchanged eye contact, as he was waiting for my answer.

“What might love feel like?” I offered him a question,

“Like you want to protect to me, do anything for me, would do anything to be with me.”

“Do you feel that way about me?” I really wanted to know what the fuck this was all about. Akira looked down, before letting out a sigh. There was an emotion about him for which I could not identify. He sat on the floor and looked up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“Even if I do, do you care?” I buttoned my pants and adjusted my belt. He looked dejected, tired. There is no fight in him anymore. I hated it. I was specifically attracted to him because he was dumb enough to fuck around with me. But I was feeling weird too, the energy… what _was_ it?

“Answer me.”

“I do… or at least I did.” Suddenly I felt a mild panic. Akira was in love with me and I had blown it… that was _not_ acceptable. But why was it not? Did I _love_ Akira? Holy shit! I was so fucking confused!

“Why is love so important to you?”

Akira held up his hands and his ring gleamed,

“Because if we don’t have love… we might as well have not even bothered getting married. The whole world thinks this is a joke, anyway. They sent you a female mistress, for fuck’s sake.” He was fucking right and I knew he was, but I couldn’t admit. I thought about it,

“Love… I guess you could say I feel something of the sorts for you.” I was attached to Akira to the point of being violently possessive and stealing him. Surely, _that_ was love. He perked up and looked at me with a slight smile.

“Really…?” He got on his knees. Him on his knees with his hands bound was a beautiful sight. Nevermind, I was still horny as hell. I realized our connection, I had underestimated our power.

“You may restrain me, but not at the window please.” I looked at the window and then looked back at Akira. The answer was obvious, I grabbed his neck and seized him up. I then pushed him onto the desk. Put my finger in his ass and bit his ear, making him shiver and moan. Then I pulled out my dick again and pushed inside of him. I grabbed his hair and pounded into him. When I was at full force I reached around and stroked his cock. His knees buckled, and his head slammed into the desk as he cried out incoherent words. He came with a cry and I finished inside of him with a bone-crushing hit. We breathed for a moment before we stopped.

“Congrats,” I said wryly.

“What?” he asked breathlessly as I took the knife from my pocket and cut Akira free from his ropes. 

“You’ve done what only one other man has ever done: make me feel weak.”

* * *

 

                                         **Nano**

Rin was trying to ease me my rage. I heard Akira say it, he said it. The words that were supposed to be for me, the words _I_ wanted to hear. They were Shiki’s. _I love you._ Was this a fucking jest? It had to be. Rin offered his hands to me. I took them and pulled him onto the bed, my grip on his as tight as can be. He was my only real love in this life, friendship. My dear friend.

“Nano…” Rin said, as I kept squeezing his hands and gazing into the eyes,

“Guide me,” I commanded him. I want him to be in control so bad. It is obvious I cannot be.

“How?”

“Winter Resort. It must be me. You must convince him.” Rin’s eyes searched mine. His heart was exposing itself to me once more,

“I know it has to be you, the time is now. We must do our ultimate task. Akira is nothing compared to the grand finale.” He escaped my hold, went in the bathroom and came into the doorway holding hair dye. One was a yellow blond and the other a light brunette: our natural shades. The dye in our hair right now was fading, so the timing was perfect. I stood up and walk into the bathroom, he turned on the water I sit on the tub. He gets the kit set up. “You ready?”

“Yes.” 

* * *

Rin was drying my hair, when he let it down, I looked like my old self again. It wasn't an exact match, but it was close. He wet his own hair and grabbed the blond. He then leaned into the sink and bleached his scalp, not even wincing at the pain. He was much stronger than he was before. I watched in fascination as he turned from jet black back to blonde. The room smelled of chemicals as he blew his hair dry. Next, he took the barber scissors and cut away at his hair. I watched as his old hairstyle returns.

“What do you think?”

I reached out and pet him. It was charming in a nostalgic way. I remembered his smaller, immature self fondly. The boy who lived and defied me, despite being helpless. Shiki thought he was the Emperor, but he could never be half the prince dear Rin was.

“A soft feeling.”

He smiled warmly at me, saying, “You know something, Nano.”

“What is it?”

“You don’t need Akira to be happy. I’ll always be there for you.”

I took my hand away and listened to the voice in my head.

“I have no doubts, dear friend.”


	12. A Funeral for the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin has his funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than usual. Song used is Keaton Henson - About Sophie

**Rin**

The morning before my funeral. I was deeply amused. Akira told me that Shiki found my bloody clothes. I was annoyed by Akira’s actions, but it was none of my concern. I vowed to stay out of Nano and Akira’s relationship, and it was staying that way. I was lying in bed with Reo. I ran my tongue over my brushed teeth thinking _when I did I become a romantic, trying to make everything picture perfect?_ I turned to him restlessly and his eyes looked into mine.

“So sad about the Emperor’s brother…”

I shrugged.

“Eh, it’s nobody’s deal but his own.”

“What do you think his brother was like?” Reo asked,

“I have no idea, it’s hard to tell with Emperor Shiki. What do you think?”

Reo looked thoughtful. I knew he was not seeing me nor former me in his vision.

“I imagine him to be kinda crazy like Shiki but maybe not as powerful? It’s difficult for me.” Reo touched my hair.

“I love this blond on you.”

“It’s my natural color.”

His eyes lit up and my face felt warm.

“Is it really? Wow, a blonde. So, you’re not full Japanese, but I guess the blue eyes gave it away,” he chuckled.

“No, I’m half Russian.”

Reo seemed deeply amused,

“It just makes you more beautiful.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, my ass isn’t that tight.” I playfully slapped his face and he grinned.

“I mean it, Touma.” I looked at him seriously, thinking of something.

“Did I say something wrong?” He seemed concerned.

“Can you keep a secret?” I whispered.

“Anything for you.” His eagerness excited me.

“If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you,” I said dead serious in tone, but he seemed ready to learn. I decided he wasn’t ready for the whole truth nonetheless. “I’ve met the Emperor’s brother.”

“Really?” Our voices were so soft, and I wondered if Nano was close by.

“Yes, really.”

“What was he like?”

“He’s broken but he has a special friend, someone he would do anything for and who kept him alive.” Reo nodded his head as though I were Jesus telling him a prophecy.

“Could I meet him one day, do you think? Why does he hide?” Why _do_ I hide? What is stopping me from bursting into that throne room and saying, _Miss me, brother?_ And cutting him down poetically? My deep profound adoration of Nano was the answer to all these questions. I want to protect him more than I want the spotlight on me. This was a feeling I was not used to having. I guess I really _have_ grown up. That scene of confronting my brother and being the victor… it was no longer a fantasy I cared to entertain.

“I have no idea if you could meet him one day. He hides because he is too old to fantasize about being the center of attention anymore. That is what he said.”

Reo nodded.

“I think I understand.” He didn’t but I wasn’t asking him to. I looked at the clock. Akira and Nano were surely awake. Nano was likely awaiting my presence. I don’t imagine Akira could easily tell Nano was angry.  Most of his faces look the same. I got out of the bed and heard a soft, needy whine from Reo.

“Where are you going, baby?” He asked as I pulled on my clothes.

“My friend needs me.”

“Aoto? Jesus, what is it with you and that guy?” Reo said dejectedly.

“He’s been my best friend for a long time now.” I took Reo’s brush to my hair and pulled it back with the hair tie I had lost. I took one last look at Reo before leaving. “Besides, maybe he has already dealt with some icky parts of me that you have the pleasure of not knowing.” 

* * *

It was just as bad as I thought when I came into the main lower floor space of the palace. There was Nano, dressed in his funeral clothes. They were just like our usual clothes, except in black. He looked well-groomed and I wondered if one of the servants had taken a liking to him. He was standing just beyond the reach of the entrance to the dining hall. I approached him.

“Hey…”

His eyes pierced through my soul, his gaze fixated on me.  I saw a flicker of purple, barely contained rage in his eyes. My thoughts stopped for a moment. I was totally afraid of him. I was afraid if I said another word the sky would come crashing down. I put a little more space between him and me.

“Dear friend, tell me, have you ever lied to me?” Oh, man.

“No, of course not. You know me.” He seemed to think about this for a minute.

“Why unbinding loyalty? You’ve done nothing but get hurt since getting close to me.” What did Akira say to him? What was Nano thinking?

“Because you care, too. Our connection isn’t one-sided and never has been.” He let out a deep breath, conflicted. I looked at him with sadness. I was supposed to protect him, to be the thing that kept him feeling grounded and loved when nothing else did. I was supposed to be his guiding light if Akira led him into the dark. I felt nothing but failure right now. I was the one, the one he chose. I held out my hand, he slowly laid eyes on it before touching it. “I remind you once more, you don’t need him to be happy. I will always be here for you. I know it’s hard because of how intense love is…” Nano closed the space between us and hugged me. It was tight and genuine. He put his head on my shoulder. I got it now: he was _afraid_ to need me, to feel for me. I would guide him through this fear, I vowed as I hugged him back.

“Love pigeons, stop fucking around.” My brother’s cold voice pierced through our intimate moment. A loving moment between Nano and I, ruined by my brother once more. He was always fucking ruining shit, wasn’t he? I noticed he and Shiki were wearing similar outfits: all black Victorian inspired military uniforms. Akira had a black veil attached to his face. I guess it was to hide his shame. We pulled apart and Akira stood on the other side of Shiki, a pathetic attempt to hide from Nano and me. I made eye contact with him through the veil. He was going to a funeral for someone he knew was very much alive. I would deal with Akira later. This day was about me. Shiki looked at me carefully. “Why have you dyed your hair?” 

“It’s my natural color, isn’t obvious?” Grinning, I pushed my right hand through my hair.

“We seem to be awfully cheery for someone going to a funeral. What drugs are you using?”

“None, Emperor. I’m just naturally a pretty fucking cheery fellow.” My brother and I exchanged a gaze of contempt, my grin barely concealing the inner fires of rage inside of me. He had not noticed Nano but had noticed me. He turned away and offered Akira his hand. Akira took it and then Shiki looked just beyond me to Nano,

“There are two cars outside, one for my love and me, one for you two, since Akira insisted you ride in style. Lucky you, I would have made you two disgraces walk.” Shiki huffed and then turned away. He held Akira’s hand up in a formal manner as we marched behind them. I felt the energy spilling off Nano. He wanted to break Shiki’s arm. We walked out as the clouds swirled above, the sky would open up soon. I didn’t bother with the details as we were led into the car ride behind Shiki and Akira’s. Nano instantly started to nest with me in the back seat as we did before Akira. I was elated; I was in a great mood. 

* * *

We reached the area of the funeral after what seemed like a small eternity. I was being mourned outside a small farmhouse. The green farmhouse was a relic. I wondered if it only survived because it was deep in the countryside. I looked at the trail of red and yellow flowers that led to where "I" would be buried. There was a beautiful black and red coffin I had chosen for myself. I knew that in the real world when I actually died, I would never be buried in something so beautiful. Might as well make my metaphorical death count. Nano and I got out of the car as a slow drizzle began. I looked at Akira popping out an umbrella. Shiki and Akira were too far away, so I couldn’t hear what they were bickering about. That’s when Akira approached us, something in his hand,

“Here.” It was an extra umbrella for Nano and me to share. Shiki was making his way into the farmhouse, so I figured this was as good a time as any to say something. I took the umbrella.

“What the fuck was that the other day?” I stand as the umbrella came open in front of me.

“I thought you said you were staying out of our business?” Akira said with half-hearted aggression. Nano shifted closer to me.

“I’m just as curious as anybody else as to why you told Shiki you love him.” The cars drove away into the empty gravel lot to the side of us. The drivers didn’t care about this petty squabble anyway. Akira looked around, glanced at Nano, then back to me.

“I was protecting myself and you guys. If he thinks I love him he’ll be less likely to poke around my office.” Akira then looked up at Nano. “I’m sorry, I should have told you beforehand. It’s _not_ him, it never has been.” I saw the truth I knew so well unfolding before me. Nano’s gaze softened, and his shoulders relaxed a bit. Akira was then allowed to squeeze his arm. I looked to Nano and he nodded at me. I knew to let my defenses down. I touched Akira.

“Be careful,” I said. Akira knew exactly what I meant. All three of us ascended up the hillside to the barn. Shiki was waiting at the door with his army and civilians who wanted to come filled the seats. There was a stage with four chairs next to the giant painting of me. There I sat, dressed in royal garbs looking like my brother’s. I was in a position that was of innocence and weakness, but my eyes flickered of darkness boiling under my smile. On my head was a crown of gold and ruby, my stilettos were sitting on the top part of the elaborate gold frame. Never before had I known that the idea of me was so appealing. I stared in awe of myself. A prince? Could I be a prince? Akira said so. Would Shiki say so too? Goosebumps prickled my skin.

We were commanded half-heartily by Shiki to take a seat on stage. We dutifully followed Akira, sitting on soft chairs to the left of the microphone. Nano sat to the right of Akira. I sat at the end chair next to Nano. I witnessed Shiki smacking a serviceman who was pissing him off. I glanced over at Akira who was trying to make good with Nano by lightly touching his hand. We all stood up on attention as Shiki walked down the aisle and up the stage to the microphone. He didn’t have a written speech. He didn’t need one. I waited in anticipation, barely concealing my smirk as he began his speech.

“Rin was my brother’s name. We were both born bastard seeds. He was always the more emotional of us. I was never truly alone in the world as long he lived. He was the cat nipping at my heels.” _Tomcat, Tomcat_. I was the one. Shiki never scared me. Nano must have liked me for that. Perhaps he and I were the only two in the world who were not afraid of Shiki. Well, maybe Akira, too, but who knew with him? “I used to think I wanted him to leave me alone, but since he has been gone, I find I miss his fight. In him, I had a follower like no one else could ever be.” A _follower_? Haha, if only he knew of my adoration of Nicole Premier. For Nano, I would give my fucking life, something I would _never_ do for Shiki. “I am laying his ghost to rest right here and now. My brother is the one person I regret killing because I miss him.” Nano shifted in the corner of my eye. I sensed something wicked pouring off of him. I purred lowly and Shiki looked over his shoulder at me. “The wicked cat, whom I couldn’t kill, not even in my own mind it seems.” He turned back to the crowd, “Now we all listen to a few brief words on Rin from Akira.” Akira looked at me as Shiki moved away from the microphone. 

“I met Rin shortly after entering Toshima. I mistook him for a girl and told my friend that I had spotted a cute girl and that I didn’t know there were women playing Igura.” I smiled, remembering that. Akira hadn’t minded my boy parts. I had liked that about him. “Rin approached me, he was small and made me feel funny with his flirting.” Some in the crowd smiled, as did Akira before dropping the heavy stuff. “But that was not all Rin was. Rin was a powerful man who everyone underestimated. He was to be feared, almost as much as my husband. I just didn’t know it until it was too late to matter.” My listening deepened. “My biggest mistake was paying Rin little mind beyond his flirting. I quickly ran off with the one known as Nicole Premier a few days after meeting him. I wish I would have given him the time of day.” He glanced over at me. “When I found out he was dead, I was sad, despite our short time together. I remember I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I hadn’t wanted him to die…” Akira was sad when I died? Had he cared all along? He sighed and shook off the memory, “But that is the past, and today I have a kingdom and a husband… I have it all.” Akira’s tone wasn’t convincing. He knew he was nothing and this all was nothing, especially in Nano’s eyes. “I want to remember Rin for being great. He was not an accessory to my husband. He was a deeply complicated person with a million thoughts, just like anyone else.” Shiki nodded and Akira sat back down, looking at me.

“We will all now go out to lower the casket in single file. As you all know, there is no body; only bloody clothes and his weapons which I collected as trophies when I won our battle.” I glared at my brother as he stepped off stage. All three of us and the guests followed him like ducklings into the drizzle outside. There was silence among us except for the wet stepping of rain boots and the occasional cough. We came to folding chairs and a black awning for rain protection which seemed low class for this event and sat down. Shiki grabbed my arm and I had to fight my natural urge to hiss.

“Sing your song, Touma,” he spat my fake name, glaring at me.

“Have I done something wrong, Emperor Shiki?” His eyes ran over my face over and over.

“No.” He let go of me and I walked over to the microphone which was plugged into an electrical box. Akira was between Nano and Akira. The rain seemed to calm for me. I focused my gaze upon Nano and took in a breath.

“He's an unwelcome shutter on the worst of his days,

and despite the bad moods, he won't go away.

He's as stubborn as winter and as kind as the sun,

and he won't freeze or burn anyone.

 

'Cause I'm a tough-luck friend.

I reckon he'll stay with me till the end,

and it means more than I pretend.

 

He is like a sauna made mostly of smoke,

and it glides back to his most late nights like a ghost,

and nothing is said unless it needs to be.

I'll watch a movie, he'll fall asleep.

He's one of those who when you're talking, you'll see:

He's really listening to someone like me.

Why would he listen to someone like me?

 

'Cause I'm a tough shit friend.

I reckon he'll stay with me 'til the end,

and it means more than I pretend.

 

And I know I'm awful, I can't even cry.

It's about time I told him, and looked in his eyes:

"You're my best friend, I'll love you 'til one of us dies.

You're my best friend, I'll love you 'til one of us dies.

You're my best friend, I'll love you 'til one of us dies."

 

On the last note, I smiled at Nano and Shiki made a face that made me have to hold back laughter. Akira gazed at me with sadness and envy. I took the empty seat beside Nano as I heard the dirt being shoveled onto the grave. I was dead. The old me was dead. The old me that was so convinced I wanted to be the victor over Shiki, the old me that thought romantic love was a good reason for living. That Rin was dead, and I was glad he was. My friendship with Nano was more meaningful than anything I ever had before.

As all these thoughts ran through my head, I put my head on Nano’s shoulder and started to cry. Haha, what irony after those words I just had sung. I covered my mouth and wept into my dear friend’s shoulder. I felt his hand stroke my head and the rain came pouring down. I would be alright, and I would know what real love felt like as long as he cared about me.


	13. The Mundaneness of Soup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nano is a prick and then Shiki lets his guard down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miss me?

**Nano**

I witnessed Shiki’s departure from the chair placed adjacent to the window in the room Rin and I shared. Where he was vanishing to… who knew and who cared? Certainly not Akira, it seemed, as Akira made a hasty escape from him the moment Shiki said he was leaving for lunch elsewhere. I hear Rin rustling something. He has laid out the pictures he has left of us. He was being nostalgic for a time that never was. He has glorified me in his mind to the point of tears and expects me to be nearly as emotional. I getting wrapped up in the details. I decide to just let him be. What is the point of frustration? He will not cave under the pressure of a million bladed words from me. His insanity truly is something to marvel at.

I hear a sound at the door: Akira. He is dressed in plain clothes under his uniform. I make "bedroom" eyes at him, as Rin as told me what it is called. He does not even notice, and I feel a slight bitterness on my tongue. I decide the caterpillar making its way up the window is trying to tell me a secret and look away. This does not mean I do not carefully listen to the exchange between my dear friend and Akira. The conversation starts off in the usual way. Akira is questioning the photos and Rin’s voice is like a bird chirping about the context of each. Rin is cheerful as Akira informs him that his death certificate has been put on the books. Where is _my_ funeral, Akira? I am not dead in reality, but I feel as though my mind has been drifting in some alien sea for quite some time.

“Hey, Nano.” My head turns to him and he is close to me. I want to smell him, so I lean forward and press my face against his stomach. He chuckles and the rumbling of his body make my palms feel instantly less icy. He continues to talk and I love how the sound of his voice bounces around my head in this position. “I want to eat at a local soup place. Are you coming along?” He then sighs as I tilt my eyes up to meet his. “Why did I even ask? Of course, you want to come…” He does not push me away and I try to forget that my biggest pressure is the unseen competition with Shiki. No, Rin tells me to not be fooled by the ruse, no matter how good an actor Akira is. All my emotions, no matter how few and far between they are, are new to me. I am like a toddler: my reactions are too extreme. He smiles at me and I forget Rin is watching for a moment.

“Jesus, you two… hey Nano, we’re friends, right? Be a best friend and don’t suck Akira off right in front of me.” I find that amusing and a slight smile creeps my lips for a few seconds before vanishing. Rin gathers his pictures and stows them away once more. I do not want to let go of Akira and he can’t get me off of him.

“Nano, please, you need to change into something not quite so depressing and also I’m hungry.” He says it like he is asking me permission to let him live. Over and over, all his words sound this way. I want to teach him he does not need to fear me. I have no desire to hurt him. I let go and stand up in one smooth motion. Akira moves out of the way. I enter the walk-in closet. I strip off the funeral clothes. I notice myself in the mirror and I turn my head away. I do not want to be whatever is in that mirror. My body is a constant reminder that without the Nicole virus, I am just another grotesquely pale and unattractive foreigner. I am out of place among these beautiful Japanese faces. I resist the urge to destroy the mirror. I do not want Rin to cut his feet because of my impulse. I cover myself in a shirt, the soft dark green cardigan Rin retrieved, and matching pants that grab me too tightly. I’m sure Akira will fuss. But I am unbothered. I am greedy for his attention.

I walk back out and Akira turns to me. Rin smiles and tells me with his eyes,  _You look like yourself again._ There is a comfort in knowing that I do not look good in a military uniform. It enables me to pretend that part of my life no longer applies. Rin brushes past me as he goes into the walk-in closet next. Akira and I stare at each other. I do not know exactly how to break the silence. I inquired to my dear friend about "flirting," but he informed me that Akira would not like that. _You’re awkward and off-balanced, and Akira likes that about you. You speak in your own way and only time can tell which way love speaks through you to Akira._ Rin was at his most poetic in that sleepy haze.

“You are Nano,” Akira says quietly.

“You are Akira.” Akira continues to quietly regard me for a moment more.

“Can I confess something to you, Nano?” He asks and then approaches me so that we are only centimeters apart. I touch his left hand very slowly and there is a spark between us: _You can tell me anything._ He looks surprised for a moment then recedes again. ”I’m not a murderer, but the other day when Shiki was talking, I imagined myself stabbing the letter opener through his eye.” That was his big confession to me? I am flattered but neither am I impressed. I speak sternly.

“You know it is not your place to kill him, surely.” He looks unsure, and that is when Rin bursts from the closet. He is wearing leather pants, his fluffy jacket, and a red V-neck shirt. There is nothing special about this attire, but he is walking as though nothing can stop him. I admired my dear friend for this. He is an actor the likes of which I can never be. There is a silence that befalls Akira and I. Rin doesn’t let it persist for very long.

“What's with the fucking depression? Jesus Christ, you two are acting like I really am dead.” Rin takes both my hand and Akira’s without hesitation. He pulls us forward. I am a waif on the wind and Akira is helpless to resist his Nicole strength. 

* * *

We walk to a soup house where we sit on the floor. Akira treats the waiter the way he usually does. Akira told us on the walk over here that he was not dressed up and we were not taking the car because he wanted to be normal for a bit. The idea of normalcy should be more idiotic to him than it is to me. Nonetheless, I am thankful Shiki is so neglectful. It is a relief to Akira that he likes to make up problems just so he can escape the palace. I wonder what the people of Japan would think knowing their emperor spends very little time ruling.

I take in the environment around me while Rin chatters. I notice how green everything is. Dark green walls, dark green floors, plastic plants. Someone is trying to seem lively while also obeying the dictator. I then notice the other diners. It is after lunch and before dinner time, so the place has only three other tables filled. The waiter hands us menus and I scan over the items. I then set it down and look at Rin, tapping my finger slowly against it.

“You sure you want me to?” He asks out loud as if it’s even a question he needs to ask. I engaged a gaze with him and Akira seems desperate to butt in. I do not know why he wants to be between Rin and me so much. We are just two close friends and it is none of Akira’s concern. The dynamic between Rin and I has nothing to do with him. The waiter comes back and Rin orders for the both of us, as I trust my dear friend will choose well. The waiter departs again. A silence lingers over us, I look down at my hands. Why do I feel so frustrated? Is it because Rin was ridiculous today? Or is it because…

“What’s wrong?” Akira speaks softly to me, and my focus becomes centered.

“No concern.”

Akira makes a worried face and then seems thoughtful for a few minutes. He then leans over and says lowly, “I’m going to the bathroom, wait a few minutes then follow me in.”

That is when Rin jerks Akira over and hisses, “What the fuck? No! Do you want to die prematurely?” Rin is saying this as though he cares about us. But his eyes, they keep wandering over to a table behind me. There is something fearful about him. He doesn’t care if Akira and I mingle flesh in the bathroom. He is acting this way because he doesn’t want us to leave him, but _why_?

I slowly turn to look at the table he is observing. There is nothing special about the people at the table. The usual foolish ants of the kingdom. I immediately disregard Rin’s distress as nothing more than his Line-mind giving him a paranoid episode. People here do not seem to notice Akira out of uniform. I am not surprised. He is background noise compared to Shiki, a mere accessory for the false king to wear. Even if he is noticed, the society here is too afraid to gossip. Royals having others they favor is not something out of the ordinary. I decide to not worry.

Akira glares and shoves Rin away, “God, it’s almost like you’re in love him.” Those words cut through my dear friend like a sharp blade and he bites his tongue. Akira leaves for the bathroom.

Rin looks at me with despair on his face.

“I did not save you that day. Stop acting as if this is more than just a passing phase for you as well,” I reply.

Rin shakes his head.

“Shut the fuck up. So tired of you acting like guys like him aren’t a fucking dime a dozen. You fucking owe me. Stop being so fucking cocky or else I’ll make sure you go back to eating fucking tree bark,” he hisses and spits the words like venom. He does not phase me, however.

“Your words are as empty as your existence,” I state dryly.

“You ruin everything you touch. Too bad my brother got to destroy me first, right?” He chuckles bitterly. I cannot engage his idiocy anymore. The bone he has to pick with me can wait. I stand up and leave for the restroom.

* * *

                                                                                                                             **Rin**

Everything I do is for nothing. He is fantastical. There is _nothing_ grounded in reality in his thinking. I’m ready to give up, ready to be paraded by Shiki and slaughtered by his goonies. Or perhaps by him himself. Either way, feel myself fading, absorbed by Akira and Nano. I am beginning to suffer for it. I can pour my heart with my mediocre singing voice all I want; it simply doesn’t matter. _Do you think you’re some kind of God?_ As much as I dreaded to admit it, Shiki was right. I understand my brother for the first time in my life. Tomoyuki is _alive_ , he is staring at me from that table in the corner. I wonder if he has the balls to approach me. Or perhaps he does not recognize me? I stare right back. Another waitress approaches me but she is not holding anything. She is extremely hesitant so I ask her.

“What is it?” I say rather bluntly.

“I was just wondering... is your hair real?” Oh, people usually don’t ask because I have a Japanese face. It is just assumed I bleach it.

“Yes, I’m half Russian.” She nods and smiles in relief,

“It’s hard to not notice, I don’t see many blonds.” She hurries away somewhere. The interaction is strange, but I value it. It reminds me that I exist outside of this royal bubble. How do I break free from it? I decide to look back at Tomoyuki. It takes him a few minutes before he stands and makes an excuse while his friends go back to mindless chatter. He looks nervous but he tries to be cool. I look up at him and wait for him to speak.

“You look like someone I used to know a lot, but he’s dead.” Ah, so he _did_ see my passed out, bloody body in the alleyway.

“Really? Who?” When I speak his eyes widen.

“No, it can’t be. I saw it, you’re dead…” I stand and I am now a bit taller than him. He looks confused, and the other diners are trying to not acknowledge our interaction. Japanese shyness isn’t always annoying, it seems. I act casual, sipping the tea in front of me.

“Who? You are ruining my afternoon by being so rude.” I say, almost mocking him.

“What are you up to, Rin?” He asks foully, his eyes searching for an explanation.

“My name is Touma, I don’t know who your Rin is.”

Tomoyuki is about to start in again when, like God’s gift, Akira rounds the corner. Nano isn’t with him and I am not about to question it. He looks at Tomoyuki and then he flips around. His face looks embarrassed and it is confirmed that Akira’s attempts to "be normal" haven’t worked out when Tomoyuki speaks.

“Your majesty, oh, please forgive me,” he speaks quietly. Akira looks annoyed and stops him from making a worship scene.

“Stop it. Go eat or leave,” Akira commands and Tomoyuki scurries away like a pinched child. He then sits back down and puts his hands together.

“Boy, I’ve never been so happy to see you," I say.

Akira sighs.

“No problem,” he says softly as if trying to calm me down. Even though I am not distressed. What the hell just happened back there? There is no more time for chatting as the waiter brings our food. We eat in silence as Nano’s gets cold. I’m trying to not be worried; I’m trying to let asshole Premier fuck off. But it won’t quit knocking at me. Do I have some type of complex? Holy shit, he’s been nothing but a massive jerkoff this whole time and I’m still toiling? I eat my food while it is still hot because the minor pain distracts me. Akira finishes at the same time as me and then says, “Come on.” He stands and drops the payment on the table.

“Come on?” I ask, trying not to validate the thoughts of Nano.

“We’re leaving without him.”

I decide to not question it as we leave. There is a thick silence between us. I suddenly wonder if Akira has decided to kill me.

“Are you going to kill me, Akira?”

Akira gives me a puzzled look.

“Of course not. I just want to be alone with you.”

We start walking.

“Why?”

“Because I know you’re past the point of seeing me romantically.” I couldn’t argue with that. The time when I would have seriously considered as a romantic was long over and he knew it. Everybody needed a friend or two outside of their lover, and I was fulfilling that role. We weave through the streets before clearing out into a slightly emptier business street. Akira looks up. “I’m tired of this life, Rin,” he says somberly.

“I’ve been done for a long time, Akira,” I respond flippantly.

“Can I make a confession?” Akira looks at me seriously,

“The day I got married, I almost killed myself.” He is quiet about it like a leaking water balloon.

“Intentionally?” I didn’t see Akira as the type, but then again, I did know Shiki and the madness to which he could drive a person.

“Yes.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Akira looks at his feet.

“I don’t know.”

What is he expecting right now? More silence. Perhaps Akira just wanted to think while he had me as protection. This is fine with me. Nano was someone who was never quiet even when not speaking. Shiki loved his bullshit speeches and noisy objects. Akira liked his huffs, and I loved to manipulate men using my good looks. Akira also probably wasn’t in a rush to get back home to Shiki’s nagging. We all need some more silence.

* * *

                                                                                                                      **Shiki**

Akira returned home with only one of his servants. I only cared because I didn’t someone running around spreading gossip and secrets. When Akira entered my study, he sent his blond servant away on some mindless tasks. The servant, known as Touma, eyed me with barely suppressed resentment. What for? I have no fucking idea. He should be grateful to me: it was my slaying of Nicole Premier that brought back order to Japan. The islands were now Japan’s again as well. I say Japan's, but I mean mine.

“Where is the other one?” I don’t look up from my files.

“Why do you care?” He answers, seemingly annoyed that he made the decision to approach me and that I want to talk to my husband as a result.

“Because I don’t need one of your pea-brained underlings out spreading palace business.”

“He’s coming back. I threatened his family,” Akira says, and a more important question arises.

“How did you lose him, anyway?”

Akira stops fucking with my bookcase and sighs.

“You can’t tell sensitive idiots what they don’t want to hear.” He seems put out today. The truth I am, too. I miss my idiot little brother. He certainly had his good qualities, even if controlling his temper wasn’t one. Perhaps there was something special about a sibling. I decided to trust Akira wouldn’t fuck over this regime.

“Were you digging around the Nicole project file?” Akira freezes up, afraid. But why? “Don’t be a worm. Were you?” I question farther.

“Yes,” he answers stiffly.

“Why?”

“I was just thinking about how we met the other day.” Such strategic words, Akira. I know what you mean; you were thinking of Nicole Premier. You have always been like that, so strung up in little emotional rampage tiffs with people who don’t care about you.

“Obsessed with a dead man.” I stand and approach him. “He never cared about you. He was only interested in what your blood could do for him.” Akira looks up while I say that, and he isn’t good at hiding his feelings. He is a man of deep emotions. It is his greatest downfall, and that is why he has me to keep his irrational heart at bay. Akira is silent. I place my hands on his shoulders and hold on tightly, “Stop thinking of other men, dead or alive. I was everything and will continue to be everything. You’re my possession, do you understand?” I ask in his ear.

“I understand,” he replies obediently.

“Very well then.” I smack him on the ass and turn around, “I’m taking a break, this room is driving me mad. Try to be done by dinner.” 

* * *

                                                                                                                             **Rin**

Nano silently returns in the middle of the night. I don’t ask about the fight with Akira. I don’t care. We’re about to do something big and important: something that isn’t about Akira for once. When he arrives, I decide to put our past friendship challenges aside--we need to function as a unit right now. I lay out his clothes. Just as we planned. I found outfits very similar to the ones Nano and I were wearing the day we met. I had taken the initiative and made them look bloody and dirty. I had cut the wig to make it look just right. I was surprised Shiki allowed the sale of wigs in his regime.

“You remember the plan, right?” I ask quietly, he signaled that he did. We silently dress, then I apply some old makeup I had found in that girl’s old room and rubbed it on my face. I am making myself look gaunt and deathly. I do something similar to Nano and then put the wig on. I turn to meet his stare. “Just like you found me?”

“Yes.”

“Great. Let’s do this.”

Nano and I then head up to Shiki and Akira’s room. They are asleep, I knew this because I heard noisy sex and then nothing else for the past four hours. Nano stands in the center of the hallway while I quietly open the door. My heart races in excitement. I creep toward my sleeping brother and sweep my hands just above his face until I see him stir. Akira is passed out from what appeared to be whiskey. He is not going to wake up. I giggle quietly and that gets my brother to open his eyes. He looks lucid and then he lets out a quick breath. I grin, “Hi, big brother! Did I scare you?” I whisper.

“What the fuck…?” Shiki tries to close his eyes again. I rub my fingers together, making a soft noise.  

“Big brother… come on… I want to play.”

“How much did I drink?” He asks, looking over at the whiskey bottle.

“Oh, Shiki, I have met a friend since you murdered me! Oh, this friend, he has told me everything about you.” And that catches his attentilooksHe look back at me and props himself up.

“I have to piss,” he says bluntly, swiftly getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom. Akira shifts, but doesn’t wake. I stand and wait for Shiki to come back, rubbing his eyes. When I didn’t vanish, he takes a step closer. “What is going on?”

“Nothing! Come play with me and my new friend!” I say running out of the room. When Shiki doesn’t follow and I peak around the corner of the door making a pouty face. “Big brother… you never gave me anything in life. Nothing to lose now that I am dead!” He seems skeptical but not in denial about what was happening anymore. He slowly follows. Nano stands with his back turned to us. “Oh, there is my friend now!” I run up to Nano, who looks waif-like in the chilled air of the hallway. Shiki stops some distance away. My brother obviously believes he is dreaming. That is the reason he is doing this, engaging us. “Friend, Shiki is here.”

That is when Nano turns to face Shiki slowly.

“What a pitiful man he is, as I have told you. He cannot escape me even in death.”

Shiki gets a look on his face as his heart drops to the floor. I have to hold back my wicked grin. Shiki shakes his head.

“No! I am dreaming. Fuck, I am better than you. I don’t care about my brother…”

“Your attachment to the superficial will forever ensure you will never be as great as me.” Nano is taking his sick thrill as well. Shiki grunts.

“I killed you. Cross back into hell, Premier,” He says with confidence but he is obviously shaken. We watch as he goes back to bed, pretending we hadn’t just shaken him. I look at Nano, thinking, _I’ll stop trying for you._

_It never mattered at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ongoing Playlist for this fic: https://open.spotify.com/user/morgp0bsh4z4mm9y7466xxt7r/playlist/1KcxEfSt6GTNSzaFlidDxf?si=PkKzAXjmRqWyknPO3S4xlw   
> Songs that aren't included due to me being unable to retrieve them from anywhere:   
> Mars Argo - Beauty is Empty  
> Mars Argo - Mrs. Stadler  
> And One - Men in Uniform (tanzomat version)


End file.
